All I want to do is keep my legs closed for more than 10 minutes at a time. Is that really so much to ask?

Cream Lemon the Incestuous Bad Idea Kitten has become a great deal more affectionate in recent months, and it’s making life quite enjoyable. He still has his moments – tends to bite if he doesn’t want to be moved; picks on the other cats for fun and profit – but he’s really warming up to us. Seeing as we’ve had him for over two years, it’s about damn time – he was the most petulant teenage kitten EVER.

Now that he likes us, his favourite sleeping spot is on my legs. This wouldn’t be a problem except he likes to worm his way between my legs and stretch out, taking up most of my half of the bed. I awake in the middle of each night with cramped legs because Lemon has inevitably invaded my regions, and it sucks. He’s a dead weight when he’s asleep, and I have to scoop him up (and risk being bitten) to move him – for thirty seconds, when he climbs back up again. I can’t even lie in bed without his inbred ass spread all up in my business, and it is really uncomfortable (but cute).

In the grand scale of problems, I know this doesn’t even register a little bit – I am just tired of having my legs spread all night long.

.. and day 3562 of pandering to lurid curiosity is a wrap!