Why are so many movies based on unstable people knowing what you did last summer?

I was glad to see that Sorority Row had finally opened in theatres, because it would mean a sharp decline in the number of times I had to watch the trailer during commercial breaks. Over the weekend while I was bored and sick, I spent some time looking up the spoilers for the movie mostly just to see who the killer was and if they changed the plot from the original version (yes, brilliance of this caliber was a remake). There was nothing particularly shocking or interesting about it all – the plot was basically a cookie cutter of teen slasher flicks from the 90’s:

• A group of friends do something terrible by accident
• The group collectively thinks that hiding the mistake (which is always a body) is clearly the most logical thing to do
• The group dynamic changes with the BURDEN of GUILT
• Just when they think they’ve gotten away with it, they start receiving messages from the dead person threatening to tell people what they did
• Almost everyone ends up dead in complicated and gory ways
• It’s not the dead person after all; they’re dead
• Oh here is a convoluted reason that the killer – who is loosely connected to the dead person in the first place – slaughtered the group in the name of crazy unstable man justice instead of, you know, doing almost anything else

DUN DUN DUNNNNN

Seriously, are there really that many groups of friends who accidentally kill someone and decide to keep the secret instead of telling authorities? Would they not know by now that this is just a really bad idea and will inevitably end with a fish hook in the back of the skull? Maybe I was just a really boring teenager, but my horrible scandals would have gone a lot differently:

• I borrow my mom’s car to take a group of friends to the beach
• There’s no drugs or alcohol or teenage sex romping, just animated discussions about comic books and Super Big Gulps
• I’m busy laughing at a terrible joke when I back the car into a cement post, denting the bumper
• The group collectively thinks that hiding the mistake is clearly the most logical thing to do – we pop the dent out and use nail polish to fill in the scuff marks
• The group dynamic changes with the BURDEN of GUILT
• I start receiving ominous text messages seemingly sent by the bumper threatening to tell my mother what I did
• No one ends up dead or stabbed through the face with a machete
• It turns out the threatening messages are a viral marketing campaign from an auto body shop and my heightened sense of guilt made it seem as though I were being stalked by a shadowy unstable person (or gecko) in a rain slicker
• My mother never finds out I dented her bumper
• … OR DOES SHE???

DUN DUN DUNNNNNNN I smell a sequel

As much as I wish my teenage angst bullshit had a body count, there’s just no scandal there. They’ll never make a teen slasher flick about my life, and that’s one regret I’m just going to have to live with forever. *sigh*

I never get to have any fun.

another day another hour another handful of pills
i can’t tear open these blister packs
another edit on the page of my never ending ills
i forget my name in the dead of the night
i keep tumbling down down down down
the box car tells me that it’s alright
if i can wake up, it’s likely i didn’t drown

this fever is making me rhyme
i don’t normally think in verse
this swine flu better kill me soon
prose is bad; country rock is so much worse

i’ll probably recover and put this week all behind me
another pebble in my nylon bag of tricks
it’s day six and i’m all out of the words that define me
i don’t know the usernames of the nerds that i licked
media frenzy says i could die now but i don’t believe it
i’m perilous but this isn’t enough
my end will come with a ridiculous display
an octopus, tuesday morning, two pine trees and marshmallow fluff

Swine Flu has officially been confirmed at PAX, and people are advised to see a doctor if they have any symptoms. I’m fine, personally – I don’t have time for swines therefore I will not get any – but if you’re feeling icky and you spent the weekend licking nerds, take care of yourself and radio for a medic when you’re down.

Today was the first day of my September from Hell, so updates for the remainder of the month will be at worst sporadic; at best late and brief. Here is a perfect example: my next training session begins in 9 minutes and I have to pee and I’m out of ice cubes.

As I mentioned in the post below, I have 5 PAX Prize Packs to give away – check the Facebook Fan Page for contest instructions!

omg so busy

While my intentions were noble, the lack of a handy computer and/or reliable wi-fi or 3G access meant my posts were lacking in existence. I’ll make up for it though, by giving stuff away. Does that work?

I’m due to be at brunch in 45 minutes and I am naked and wet all over. Pictures and a recap post coming later today!

I probably shouldn’t have stayed up until 3am watching a Bones marathon on Showcase. I am tired.

I took Thursday and Friday of this week off for PAX, but our plans changed slightly due to Ed’s coworkers beating him to the vacation request punch. Since he has to work today, I gallantly decided that I would wait for him so we could drive down together, even though it means missing the first day of the event.

I’m not so worried about missing a day – there’s a definite limit to how much “other people” I can take – but I AM worried about the fact that this is a long weekend; the last one before everything goes back to normal, and we’re going to try to cross the border at 6pm on a Friday night.

I’m packing rations and supplies for an army – we could be in line for HOURS. I hope that isn’t the case – I will be seriously grumpy and pointing tiny fingers at Ed – but there’s not much I can do about it, so I will cope. Admirably, even. I am such a trooper.

Even though my original plan of “leave Wednesday night” didn’t manifest itself, I opted to keep the Thursday and Friday I had already booked off work. For one, the craziness starts on Tuesday and I would like to be as rested as I can be, and for two I had a million things I needed to do before we left. So, instead of relaxing yesterday and today, I’ve been running around like a madman, being all productive and junk. This is not relaxing at all. I want a do over!

I did have some fun, though – I met Gina for lunch, and she is totally awesome. I’ve already invited her to my entire September calendar of events, so I’m sure she’s terrified of me and looking for an excuse to get out of being drunk with crazy strangers in the middle of hobo country, but it’s alllllll good. I also dropped off the Delicious Juice Bag o’ Mystery (yes I’m aware the name changes every time I mention it; it’ll get an official name soon) to August’s winner, Dale – he lives 6 minutes from me, so I thought I would take the scary route (I’m terrified of people I don’t know, yet look at me being all social with strangers!) and hand-deliver his present full of random things and the Voltron print.

There are four things left to do on my list, including a doctor’s appointment for a refill of sanity and an emergency cat food purchase. Then we shall hit the road for adventure!

I’m not bringing a computer with me, but I’ll have my camera and will try to update some variance of Twitter, Facebook, or the site. Full recap will be posted on Monday!

I forget – are pants mandatory for conventions?

Oh, and check out the back of my new business card:

i am a very sober woman

This’ll make people take me seriously as an Important Local Blogger, right? *snort*