Dear headhunters in Toronto:

I want a job, I really do. However, from your company alone, 3 people have contacted me 5 times about the same position – a 3-month contract astronaut job with my ORIGINAL SPACE STATION, in VICTORIA.

Let’s go over the logistical nightmare of this situation, shall we?

• Unless the contract job is for the most perfect, awesome, incredible, once-in-a-lifetime opportunity working in a candy, puppy dog and fireworks factory, I am not interested. I’ve been working under contract for almost 5 years now with no benefits, no vacation time, no security and I DO NOT WANT to do it again.
• I agree, I would be a great match for this position – because I’ve already done it. Same job, same company and if the pay is the same, I am soooo not interested.
• It’s in VICTORIA. While I know that Toronto is the center of the universe, do you really know that little about the geography of Canada? Do you honestly not know that Victoria is on an island, is not part of the GVA, and is a 4-hour commute from my house including the 90 minute, $68-one-way ferry ride? I know I’ve already told this to your company but obviously you do not talk to your coworkers so I will have to explain it to you and perhaps even bring up some Google Map action.
• Do you have any idea what the state of my mental well-being would be if I had to live with my mother for three months? You do NOT want to be responsible for that.

I finally emailed the guy back, explained the distance and asked if the company in question would be offering compensation for housing. He very quickly responded in the negative, so I think I’ve got him off my back for good. Now if he could just share this information with the other people from his company who keep contacting me for the same job, things would be just super.

I need a job. I’ve had two really good interviews that are currently in limbo and I don’t know when I’m going to hear back from them. Meanwhile, I’m depressed as all hell about this entire situation and .. well, let’s just say that it is not at all fun to be me right now. Not one little bit.

My downstairs neighbour is a child of the 80’s, through and through. She also really likes to listen to very loud music.

Right now she’s blasting some Corey Hart to the point where I can easily sing along to the song – it’s Never Surrender (tiiiiiiime is all we’re asking fooooor). I can do her one better than just singing along, though.

I queued up MY copy of Never Surrender and turned it on full blast. Nothing like dueling Corey Hart songs to amuse myself on this incredibly depressing Sunday afternoon!

Her music did get turned down after that.

Except now she’s listening to Sheryl Crow’s All I Wanna Do and I do *not* have that mp3 and nor will I go get it.

YOU WIN THIS ROUND, 1980’S NEIGHBOUR!

As I lay in bed last night desperately trying not to think of things so I could just fall asleep already, it occurred to me that a) my purple swirlie shirt did not make it back from the laundromat, and b) I did not do any sort of 2007 recap. Normally this would make me think even harder, but the Benedryl I had taken kicked in at that moment and I promptly fell asleep.

I solved the first mystery this morning – the shirt was buried under random pants and therefore did not make it to the ‘mat in the first place – but the second still weighed heavily on my befuddled mind. So, without further ado, I present to you 2007: A Year in Review.

2007 sucked.

It sucked a lot. I went through each month in my head and discovered horrible repressed memories, all of them to do with my former job. There were atrocities. There were tears of rage and disbelief. There were almost lawsuits! However, I am not allowed to talk about any of that anymore (seriously; this isn’t just some new chapter of self-restraint I’m showing here), so instead I will focus on the other things that happened in 2007.

People: Shan finally moved to Vancouver, we spent more time hanging out with Miranda and Reilly, Ali gave birth to River. Other babies were made, too – Marissa had Isaac, Heather made a Murrin, Sue had a Simon, and I know I am forgetting a few other babies because a frightening number of people I know had babies in 2007. Seriously people, what is with all the fertility? Scary.

Scooters: Everyone got scooters! It started with Reilly buying Sally, which made room for Oscar. Josh quickly followed up with his Ruckus; Miranda got a newer Honda Jazz, Shan opted to go Italia with her Piaggio Scarabeo, and Ed – after waiting for about 3 months – finally got his Dio. Our scooter gang has 6 people in it, and I cannot wait for spring to come around again so we can ride!

Accidents: I finally did end up in a hospital in 2007 after falling off Sally and dislocating my right shoulder in April. I’m mostly healed up; my left shoulder (likely wounded in the Great Fall of September ’07) is the one that’s been giving me the most grief. In 2007 I also gave up on wearing my Robot Feet altogether, and honestly, my feet have never felt so adequate. I can walk and everything! Mostly without buckets of horrible, debilitating pain! Sweet.

Angst: The alarming number of pregnancies led way to my having a minor crisis of the brain. Ed went back on his promise to me that I could have a pug, resulting in a great deal of resentment (go on, ask me if I’m over it yet), many tears, and no pug. Sasha got sick, losing more than half her body weight and shedding her ability to eat food that turns into poop instead of puke. That thing I can’t talk about.

Snails: I discovered our garden has SNAILS in it. I quickly became utterly obsessed with my slimy little friends, and spent a lot of time taking pictures of them. The absolute highlight of my Snail Year was this guy!

Miscellaneous: I went to CES ’07 to do commentary. Radio iTG was murdered by one of the founders. My mother sold her house and gave me an early inheritance, which was used to pay off all our debt. Ed and I celebrated our Five Slash Ten on Saltspring Island, and it was pretty damn awesome. I weaned myself off my brain medication with somewhat disastrous results but I’m feeling much better now thank you.

Hey look, I just found the list of goals I had for 2007. Let’s rehash and see how we did, shall we?

2007 Goals:

• Buy a bicycle and use it – DONE, although more riding could have been done
• Reduce our debt through any means necessary (cue ominous music) – DONE! The ominous music proved unnecessary; no one was harmed during the elimination of our debt!
• Get a PUG! Pug pug pug pug pug pug pug pug pug pug pug pug pug! – dot dot dot
• Have something – anything – published in print and receive payment for my words – okay, this didn’t happen mostly because I suck
• Save up for some new glasses – DONE! They are awesome.
• Become even more fabulous – DONE! I am terrific.
• Continue Operation: Fun – DONE, but there are a lot of things on the list that still need doing
• Prepare myself for foot surgery – NOT DONE! My foot doctor sucks ass and forgets that I exist until my next broken bone then he makes all kinds of promises to look into treatment for me until I limp out the door and he forgets me all over again

Well then. I suppose I met most of my goals, and one of the ones I missed was entirely Ed’s fault. What should I be doing for 2008?

• Get a goddamn job already
• Ride my bicycle more
• Scoot to Victoria; freak out the squares
• Drive to San Francisco! This year’s vacation is (finally) my choice, and we’re going to stand in the shadow of the Golden Gate!
• Get at least one tattoo – maybe 7!
• Resolve the pug issue once and for all (cue this year’s ominous music)
• Be more social
• Eliminate the (admittedly very small, but still) amount of debt incurred since eliminating all our debt

2008 HAS to be better than 2007, or I just plain give up.

Yesterday in a fit of dissatisfaction I tore the apartment apart and put most of it back together.

The result: a re-arranged kitchen that allows me to have my mixer out and the crock pot not on Ed’s desk, and more room for chopping than I had before. I also took down the Christmas tree, moved the bicycles out of the spare room and back into the living room, gathered up two enormous bags of laundry to be taken into the ‘mat, and cleaned out the fridge.

Apparently, I am incredibly productive on two hours of sleep. Sure, I burst into frustrated tears at least twice, but I’m pretty pleased with the result. The living room needs to be handled tonight; most of the Christmas stuff is still in a pile behind my desk but I am confident that I can have this place looking organized again by tomorrow and then we can spend the weekend messing it up again.

I’m actually going to leave the house today, though. I have an interview this afternoon, we’re out of cat food, I want some more tiny ninjas, the laundry must be fetched, and I need to pick up some tasty bread to go with the stew currently crocking.

It’s a damn good thing it’s not nice outside, because when faced with all this disgustingly adult responsibility all I want to do is pack the car full of computers and clean underwear and drive off into the distance.

I need to start a countdown to spring, or something. I would much rather be out having adventures on my scooter than doing all this other stuff. Plus, I feel much more boring than usual and it’s giving me a complex. Where’s the fun? It’s not at the Laundromat, that’s for sure.

Wish me luck today! I still haven’t heard back from the other interview I had before Christmas, and I really kinda want that job so here’s hoping I get some sort of news either way soon because waiting is giving me wrinkles.

And ass marbles.

But mostly wrinkles.

There is way, way, way too much chocolate in this house.

I need to get rid of some of it. I’ll keep the super yummy, but there’s a lot of regular yummy that we honestly do not need. So, it has to go.

But what do I do with it?

I don’t want to throw it away because that’s wasteful and depressing. How do you give away candy when it isn’t Halloween? We have a huge assortment of mini chocolate bars plus a really big pile of individually wrapped candies and treats. Maybe I could put it in our “lobby” – it’s all sealed so there’s no danger of teh poisons, and people in our building seem to adore the crap I put downstairs for the taking. People like candy, right? It’s not like taking candy from a stranger; they won’t know it’s me! So, it should be fine. Take my candy!

I’ll give Ed some to take to work, but I think the rest is going down stairs for random consumption.

Okay, problem solved. Now if I could only find someone to come and drink all the little bits of alcohol remaining in the open bottles, I would be a happy Kimli.

Who works on New Year’s Day, sending out rejection emails? Ouch.

Not the best start to the year, but I will prevail!

OR ELSE.

Happy New Year!

My sole resolution: To have a year that doesn’t suck.

So .. let’s go! Start being awesome, 2008!

Yeah! Woo! Yeah! YEAH!

Ahem.

Happy New Year!

Never underestimate the quality of sleep you will have on pillows covered with John Deere pillowcases.