Category Archives: fuuuuuuuu

squeeze my head for zelicious juice

Posted in fuuuuuuuu, nerd by

It’s sunny outside! This will greatly enable my one goal of the day: going outside. I haven’t scooted in over a week and I’m starting to turn a sickly shade of gray from monitor and television radiation, so it’s time to go outside. YAY!

I’m having a really stupid problem with Microsoft. All my MS products are tied together – my Zune, my MSN account, and my Xbox Live account. Not really a big deal; I’ve pretty much given up on any kind of privacy where the internet is concerned. There’s only one catch – for some reason, my country of origin is set to the US. I’m Canadian through and through (eh), and while this would bother me even if it wasn’t utterly destroying my life, it’s still not THAT big a deal – or is it?!

Since my Zune account came first (take that, chicken and egg), my Xbox Live gamer tag is stuck as “Zelicious Juice”. It’s locked to my email address, which is the same one I use for MSN Messenger and all my Windows Live ID crap. I have no idea why I picked Zelicious Juice when setting up my Zune – I’ve never used that as a name before in my life – but what’s done is done. Luckily, Microsoft will allow me to change my gamer tag anytime I want .. for only for 800 Microsoft Points. Okay, I get it – they’re a small company struggling to survive, and it only makes sense to charge people for account changes they had no control over when adding another product to their personal Microsoft family tree. I can get behind that.

So, in order to fix my gamer tag, I need to purchase some Microsoft Points online and apply them towards my Windows Live ID. I can use the extra points to buy exclusive in-game add-ons, music for my Zune, an extra bitch for my bitch boat, etc. Sounds good; let’s just suck it up and do it and curse my Zune while we’re at it. Visa’s out, I’m all signed in, and ..

My country of origin is stuck on US, and any credit card I try to add is going to fail the address check.

Well, surely I can change the country – let’s just edit my account information and try again. After all, I can edit my information on every Microsoft device I have – if it won’t work on the Xbox, I can try my Zune account or even my MSN Messenger account. This’ll be a breeze!

A breeze made of POISONOUS GASSES, that is. The country is the one piece of information you cannot change. It’s stuck. I am, as far as Microsoft is concerned, an American. Okay, fine – except I very clearly want to give them money, and their own system is not allowing me to do so. Look! I have money! I’m waving my Visa around frantically! Please take it! Do you want a different money? I have other money! Take them all! Please take my money, Microsoft!

Nope. Not gonna happen.

For something so minor, this is incredibly frustrating. I spent at least an hour yesterday looking around Microsoft websites, trying to find anything that will help me. I thought I got lucky when I found a 24/7 Xbox Support Chat, but my hopes were quickly dashed when I realized you were actually chatting with an Xbox. I shit you not; they programmed some canned responses to various keywords and it was in no way a live person. I finally found a support form that I could fill out and mail off, and I had to remind myself what my problem was so I didn’t waste my one question to the Microsoft Oracle on “WHY IS YOUR SUPPORT SO COMPLICATED?!”.

I think I’ve figured out why this is happening, and it’s really my own damn fault. I would rather blame someone else though, so I am casting a stinking eye at my Zune. Sure, it’s completely awesome and 30gb and unique and the screen is gorgeous. It’s also caused all these problems and more I probably haven’t discovered yet. All this weird shit with my Live ID started when I registered my Zune, and the reason (I’m assuming) my ID says I’m in the US is because Zunes are not available in Canada. Surely no one is so desperate for gadgetry that they would cross the border into the Americas to buy some contraband electronics, right? That’s just SILLY! Yet that’s exactly what we did, and why I’m now stuck playing Xbox Live games as Zelicious Juice. It’s my own fault, but I choose not to accept the blame – damn you, Zune!

My issue is baffling Microsoft’s bizarre support structure. I just received an email from a real person – not an Xbox – and it’s incredibly apologetic. I almost feel like replying and trying to calm her down; it sounds like she’s about to commit hari-kari because she can’t fix my issue. Unfortunately, she’s also pawned me off to another department so I have to submit my issue all over again. This sucks. Give me my birth country back!

In other news, I unintentionally won an eBay auction for something I can’t afford and am not even sure I want because obviously I am rolling in cash what with my lack of a job and all. Shit and hell and also fuck.

Outside awaits!

monday mulligan

Posted in fuuuuuuuu, i'm an astronaut by

I don’t like today. Today has not started out very good, and I would like to request a do-over.

Currently marbling up my ass:

  • I didn’t sleep for longer than 20 minutes out of every hour last night
  • I was awoken this morning around 5am by some extremely strong cigarette smoke coming in our bedroom window
  • Talkie guy is whispering to himself non-stop
  • .. except when he’s trying to talk to me about stupid things
  • We accidentally bounced two things this past weekend, because of some cheques that someone had been sitting on and just decided to cash
  • Payday isn’t until tomorrow (we got paid early!)
  • And, the worst one of all:

At the Space Station, I manage a specific area that pertains to our overall work. Let’s call it .. Space Domains. Yes, I manage the Space Domains; registering and maintaining them for all our clients. I have a database. It has many informations, including the various registrars I use, the account login names and their passwords. It is a handy file. I keep it updated.

Someone – let’s call her Lucrezia – decided she needed to alter one of the Space Domains I manage. I’m not sure how, since she claims to not have a copy of my handy file, but she successfully logged into the account and proceeded to change the account information to have all information regarding the Space Domains I manage to be sent to her.

Now I can’t log in to do my job. I asked her why – she won’t answer me. I tell her to send me the information – she won’t do it. “I’ll get it to you tomorrow”, she says. Since I’d rather like to do my job, this won’t work. I finally get her to agree to reset the account email, so I can reset the password. She reluctantly agrees – then doesn’t do it, and goes running off to the Space President.

Something is up. I do not trust Lucrezia, or the Space President. I don’t give a flying fuck about the idiotic office politics that seem to be going on; I just want to do my motherfucking job. I am extremely pissed off about all this; it’s underhanded and so very unnecessary. I keep the file for a reason. If you need a change, I’ll make it for you. If I can’t do it, I’ll give you the login so you can do it yourself. Changing the account information so only YOU can access the records? That’s just fucked up. Back the fuck off, Lucrezia. You do your job, and let me do mine.

Also, Talkie Guy needs to shut the fuck up; Visitor Guy needs to start his job already and stop hogging our Space Testing Station; and I need a new job.

sopping

Posted in fuuuuuuuu, i'm an astronaut by

I am trying to use the power of positive thinking to dry my pants, and it is not working.

Every single layer I’m wearing is soaked through. My pants are disgusting; my shirt and bra are both saturated, making me look like the last-place contestant in a wet t-shirt contest held down at the Cecil. Needless to say, I am not a happy Kimli. I am a wet, cold, drippy, sniffly, frizzy, tired Kimli. I have had better Tuesdays. Drier ones, too.

It really does feel as though I’m moving in slow motion – our wonderful neighbours had a party last night that went until 3 in the morning. I’m past the point of trying to get them to shut the fuck up – there’s only so much angry slamming I can do before you just give up because some people are just that ignorant.

Too busy. More later.

it’s a trap

Posted in fuuuuuuuu by

The Admiral has a name: Andy. Our drunken neighbour’s gentleman friend is officially Admiral Andy Ackbar.

This guy scares me. He looks like the harmless 81-year-old man he probably is, but he and Drunk Betty spend a lot of their time being drunk – okay, whatever floats their boat. However:

Yesterday when I was heading out for the afternoon I noticed a gray Toyota something or other parked next to my scooter. It wasn’t remarkable in any way except for the fact that it was still running, and it was completely empty. I stood around for a few minutes waiting to see if anyone would claim it, and surveyed the car while I was at it – yep, it was running, unlocked, and just sitting there waiting for someone to come along and help themselves.

Sure, that’s weird. It’s also happened before. After 5 minutes or so, I stood on the lawn of our building and called up to Drunk Betty – is that your car? The keys are in the ignition, it’s still running, and the doors are unlocked. She eventually warbled back that no, it’s not her car – it’s the Admiral’s, and he does this all the time. She roused him from whatever stupor he was in, and he shuffled downstairs to turn off his car and gather the keys. All’s fine and good, I guess. No harm done.

Except. This is the second time that I/we have found his car in that condition – who the hell drives to their destination and just gets out of the car, forgetting to do the most basic steps of car use? The entire situation worries me, because I personally think that anyone who routinely just stops their car and gets out is probably a little too forgetful to be driving in the first place. Also, he and Drunk Betty drink a LOT, and I worry that they are not responsible enough to not drive in that state. If they were to get into an accident, I would feel pretty bad and/or devastated if they hurt someone other than themselves.

Should I be doing anything about this? Is there anything I CAN do? It’s probably none of my business, but something about just shrugging it off doesn’t sit right with me. Oh, the morale dilemma. What would the internet do?

lowering the pole

Posted in fuuuuuuuu, i'm an astronaut by

I hate limbo. It is the least excellent place-that-is-also-a-dance to be.

We don’t know anything about the Real Boy Status Change except that we probably want to wear pants to hide our shame on June 1st. I am rocking the boat as hard as ever; naively and unreliably demanding to know things that directly affect my personal well-being before I sign anything that might be coming my way. I hate being taken advantage of; almost as much as I hate it when things disappear from my desk.

As some of you might have gleaned from our trip to the island, my mother has sold the house. She got a pretty good price for it, given that the house is a piece of crap. She has to be out by July 31st, so we’re looking for an apartment for her for July 1st to give a month to move things back and forth. She’s leaving the majority of the (old and hideous) furniture behind; a trip to the Brick introduced her to the joys of a new bed and furniture that was created after WWII. Once she finds a place I’ll probably be taking a week off (with pay? who knows!) to help her pack, move, unpack and get settled. As long as I can keep up the dutiful daughter act, perhaps she’ll be more inclined to give me some of the house money – that would be just lovely, given my soul-crushing debt and continual need for both ale and whores.

I hope everything changes for the better, but right now I simply do not know. The unknown is making my life very stressful and cranky, and you would not believe the size of the ass marbles.

not dead

Posted in fuuuuuuuu by

Oops – as Ian pointed out, I forgot to check in. Sorry Lisa and Shan, but my smut and Convii aren’t quite yours yet – I’m still alive. Check back with me soon though, because the way things are going for me I’m sure I’ll fall into a pit of lava at some point.

So, I’m alive, but very annoyed. I bought three bottles of organic milk on Thursday night, because I am a hippie and go organics and glass bottles are friggin’ awesome. Except! Every single bottle is suspiciously chunky and gross! All my brand new milk is rotten and sour and completely not drinkable. I WANT MILK! What am I supposed to do with this big bowl of Cheerios I just poured? I’m eating it dry because I’m really quite hungry, but goddamn. Now I need to go back to the store and complain and get my money back and also buy some new milk. This is so not cool. I’m somewhat glad it was only a bowl of Cheerios and not my beloved Special K with Red Berries, because I’d have to do a lot more than just complaining – think robots and lasers and incoherent rage instead of just extreme annoyance and unquenched thirst for milk.

Stupid cows.

stir crazy

Posted in everyday kimli, fuuuuuuuu, i'm an astronaut by

I hate this. I’m bored and cranky and sore and hungry. I can’t use the computer for more than a few minutes at a time, and even when I can it feels like I’ve read the entire internet and my Virtual Villagers (the only game I can play at the moment because it’s slow as all hell and you spend most of the time watching tiny people play in a pond) are idiots who aren’t gaining tech points fast enough for interesting things to happen. I’m trying my damnest to behave myself, which is why my updates have been sporadic – but I’m about ten minutes of sheer boredom away from flailing, stretching, shaking hands with someone, doing jumping jacks, reaching for the ceiling and also putting my right hand up in class to answer a question all out of spite for my  shoulder.

Last night Ed took pity on me and brought me some String Dolls to cheer me up. Ali gave me the Red Devil for Christmas, and thanks to Ed I now have the Vampire, Punkin, and (his idea of hilarity) Safety Boy. I’ve made a mobile of them, and it looks super cool – but now I want more of them to make my mobile complete. Unfortunately, I can’t go out to get any and I also can’t buy any online since part of my “behaving” means NOT emptying our bank account via PayPal to soothe the cranky beast more than I already have. As soon as I can though, I’m going to buy myself a “get better, stupid” gift – a small one, since I don’t get paid when I’m at home healing. String Dolls are small! I can do this!

*whine* I am SO BORED.

Durrrr…

Posted in angst, fuuuuuuuu, medical anomaly by

Kim relocated? Redislocated? her shoulder being the superstar that she is. She thinks she popped it back in, but can’t be sure. She didn’t want to go to the hospital only to wait for another 4 hours to see the x-ray idiots, so she’s whimpering and gasping every time she moves. Here’s hoping she has the sense to see a doctor tomorrow :(

well, fuck

Posted in fuuuuuuuu, i'm an astronaut by

My boss just told me that we are absolutely not going to be getting any more support staff because “we can’t justify the need”.

Well then.

Guess it’s time to dust off the ol’ resume and start the job hunt anew.

Fuck.