the tiny, tiny hand of justice

I did not take it anymore.

Last week when I had to take out a million bags of garbage because my husband is lazy and not at all helpful, I encountered a staircase full of disgusting things. It would seem that someone in our building took out some garbage but instead of putting it INTO the dumpster, they left it BESIDE the dumpster. Gross enough, but at some point someone or something decided to tear the bag open and dump all the contents out around the dumpster. There were empty food containers, honest to god banana peels on the steps leading to the garbage bins, personal information, and other horrible things strewn about all willy-nilly. The worst part wasn’t even the garbage – it was the fact that it had been there since I last went out to check on Oscar; the previous Sunday. It was rotting and smelly and hazardous as fuck, so I did what any outraged citizen with too much time on their hands would do: I took pictures, printed them out, and put them in the lobby on the notice board with a note.

You can look at the garbage here, if you want. I didn’t want to have the images show up in my Flickr stream, so I put them somewhere else. I also had to edit the photos a little, because right on top of the mess was a piece of paper containing the phone number, address and buzzer number of where the garbage came from. Any guesses as to whom the culprits likely were? I’ll give you a hint: they live upstairs, and they’re idiots. We left the information clearly visible in the photos in the lobby because I am a bastard (although not as much of a bastard as Ed and Josh would like – they wanted me to zoom in on the address and post it on the board along with the garbage, but I’m doing the whole “benefit of the doubt” thing).

At any rate, my Exercise in Humiliation seems to have done the trick. When we came home from Victoria, my signs in the lobby were gone. Ed went out back to check, and sure enough, the garbage was cleaned up. Whether the guilty party actually did the work or the apartment manager gave up and did it himself (which brings to mind the question of “why wasn’t it cleaned up the day it happened instead of at least a week later and after the tenants started getting mad”), I don’t know. I don’t really care. The garbage is gone, I got my justice freak on, and maybe now that it’s known there’s a Pajama’d Crusader in the building with an excellent camera and colour printer and a taste for public humiliation, stuff like this won’t happen again.

Speaking of rapidly changing the subject, I uploaded pictures from our trip to Victoria. Josh and Shan lent me their Holga Fisheye Lens (dear Santa: please bring me one for my very own), so most of the pictures are fisheye’d and funky. As an added bonus, there are pictures of a couple making out! Hooray!

not so bad

It’s actually very warm and almost cozy in my mom’s place. It’s almost kind of sorta .. inviting? I feel a lot less dread about the place than I did over the summer. The sleeping situation still sucks; Ed liked his night on the plywood almost as much as I enjoyed my evening on the love seat of metal girders. Still, it’s not all bad. We managed to get my mom an early Christmas gift and she keeps Diet Coke in the fridge just for me. It’s gorgeous outside, and we’re gonna go wander around and take pictures. So far, it’s been a good visit.

She still pees in a bucket, though.

on the boat

We’re off to Victoria for the remainder of the weekend. Neither of us want to go, but we really have to so we are Sucking It Up and going. As requested by my mother, I am bringing the internet and also Craig. It is yet to be seen if I will also try to sneak in the very, very large bottle of Amarula we bought last week. Oh, the good times.

saltspring island for the win

And now we are home!

As far as 5th anniversaries go, this one was incredible. We had an awesome time relaxing and hanging out and trying to build fires. Good use was made of the mineral tub; I counted at least half a dozen baths in the 3 nights we were there. The trip to Saltspring was actually our first real vacation, ever – we didn’t crash at anyone’s place, we didn’t visit parents, and we didn’t drag all our friends out with us (not for my lack of trying). It was amazing. Hooray for anniversaries!

Okay, about the ring. It was a mutual gift, because I’m just so modern like that. I wouldn’t feel right about Ed spending that much money on me, so we planned it out and bought it together. We also didn’t wake up all Hollywood – seriously, I would choke and die before spending upwards of $3k on shiny things. Given my noble sense of frugality and my fear of Leonardo DiCaprio potentially showing up at my door and demanding my diamonds, we did a lot of research and eventually settled on Moissanite. The ring itself is a Lucern setting in two-tone 14k gold with 5 stones (for our Fifthiversary, gettit?) with a 1.25tcw. It is gorgeous and crazy sparkly and I’m slowly getting used to having such huge bling on my right hand. It sort of matches my wedding and engagement rings, which I like – while I generally wear nothing but silver, I have some wacky rules in place for “official” jewellery, which is allowed to be gold as long as it’s two-tone. I love my ring. Moissanite stuff is pretty incredible, and I’d definitely look into other pieces if I ever needed more official jewellery. Plus, it’s tricky and therefore appeals to my “I can’t believe it’s not butter!” sense of humour.

To my delight, I found out last night that Ed had actually taken today off work as well so we have an extra day to bask in our cats and bathroom with water that doesn’t reek of sulphur and also scooters. I think we may go outside for an adventure; I will pretty much do anything to avoid having to face the Real World again in which I look for a job and sit on pointy needles waiting to see if the Space Station will respond to the paperwork that says Give Me Money or Else. They received it on Thursday, so now we wait. Don’t make me fill out that yellow sheet, please. I’ll do it if I have to, but it would be so much easier if you’d just write me a damn cheque and wash your hands of me.

Vacation was awesome, but home is truly excellent.

Almost forgot: here be photos from our trip!

romantic weekend essentials

This Friday is our Fifthiversary – 5 years of wedding bliss, or something. To celebrate within the confines of our own (admittedly glorious) country, we are going to Saltspring Island to stay at a fancy resort spa thing for relaxing and island nudity. We’re leaving tomorrow morning, so today I am going to pack some Romantic Weekend Essentials to take with us:

  • Mood-setting candles
  • Sexy lubricants
  • Various things from the toy box
  • Good-smelling melty bath things
  • Nintendo DS Lites, chargers and a dozen games
  • Seasons 1 and 2 of The Brak Show
  • Diet Coke
  • Pants for when I have to go outside because I ran out of Diet Coke
  • A laptop for internetting
  • Several digital cameras to take naked pictures of Ed or of any bears we might encounter
  • Other people

We had originally planned to scoot to the island, but the weather is not going to cooperate so we will have to drive. On one hand this sucks because I love scooting and it would be much easier to explore the island; on the other it means I can bring more crap in case I need it. For example, I might need my printer. You never know when you are going to need to print something.

Yesterday was a productivity write-off, so today I have a zillion things to do. Last night’s Dinner for Dad turned into an impromptu dinner party making for a sink full of dirty dishes, there are hairs to henna, paperwork to finish, and the above-mentioned sexy things to pack. I should get started. Here I go. Ready? One – two – hey, I wonder if my pinatas have finished having sex yet?

home is awesome

Home! Man, I like home.

Edmonton was great. The weather was perfect – not too hot at all – and we got to spend some quality time with the in-laws and also cousins. Some obligatory shopping was done (love that no PST), many donairs were eaten (okay only two, but they were enormous and oh so tasty), and good times were had all ‘round. The visit seemed incredibly short, but we got a lot done.

The ride back was nice, too. The weather was overcast for the first 7 hours of the 13 hour drive, so it wasn’t too taxing on the head and the scenery was gorgeous as usual. The cats were ecstatic to see us, which is always nice – nothing like a little adoration to perk the spirits right up again. A quick shower had us feeling human again, and now we’re back to status quo albeit with a jam packed July to look forward to.

I fucking hate mosquitoes, though. One bit me on the face in Edmonton, and we were pretty much attacked by them in Blue River when we stopped to get gas. Fucking beasts – I bet I have 19 West Nile viruses now.

I brought my wedding dress back from Edmonton. I don’t really know what I’m going to do with it; it’s not some sort of incredible heirloom I need to pass down to my non-existent spawn. I suppose I could sell it, but it wasn’t expensive to begin with – I opted for a bridesmaid dress that was around $200 instead of the traditional crazy expensive fanciness. I don’t want to preserve it – that is lame – but I don’t envision wearing it again, so .. what to do. Donate it? Set it on fire? Frankly, I’m leaning towards the fire – given all the horrible, horrible stress I had over the fucking thing, I’m content that it served its purpose and now it can go away. I wonder if it could be tie-dyed? Heh.

Ed has the day off and I’m working from home. He’s actually on his way to Scooter right now, using his birthday money from his parents to put a deposit down on his Dio – it needs to be imported and upgraded out the wazoo, so he’s giving Wayne the go-ahead to get the process started. SCOOTERS! SCOOTERS FOR EVERYONE! I can’t wait – having people to ride with is so much fun, and Ed’s wanted a scooter pretty much since I got Sally. FUN! Hopefully he’ll get it in time to enjoy a few months of summer riding before we have to store them for the winter, but WHEE!

In Edmonton, we rode a quad. Ed’s dad has an 800cc Polaris something or other, so we took turns riding up the back alley with it. The thing is fucking TERRIFYING – I went (very slowly) up the alley and then turned around (in an utterly graceful 25-point turn) and came right back. It’s about 675 too many ccs for me; I can’t imagine every riding something that powerful on a regular basis. It made me want to come home and hug Oscar in all of his 125cc glory – there is NO WAY I’m ever getting anything bigger. Ed liked it, but there was just way too much power under me for any sort of comfort level. Scary. Kimli no like.

It feels like I’ve been gone from work for weeks, but I only took last Friday off. I suppose it’s good that no one missed me – next week I’ll be gone for 4 days to help my mom and I’ll feel guilty every time I think about work even though I know I shouldn’t. It’s tough having a superiority complex – people aren’t supposed to be able to deal with my not being around, damnit. I expect tears and wailing and a sense of utter hopelessness – how DARE you manage for yourselves! You’re supposed to NEED me!

Okay, answering my very few emails now. *sniff*

lost and perhaps found

I’m getting the feeling that someone is looking for me (dun dun dunnnnnn). My search results have been peppered with some very specific keywords in amongst the usual parade of perversion that brings people to this site – you’d be pretty horrified at the percentage of the population who search for “delicious ass juice” on a daily basis.

I suppose that won’t help my case, either – might as well make the best of it. Hello, perverts! How’s that delicious ass juice working out for you?

Anyway, back to all about me. I’ve noticed that someone or several someones have been looking for things that are very specific to me – “kimli las vegas” “kimli ces” “kimli fluffernutter ces2k7”, etc. Yesterday there was one more: a search for “kimberly flores las vegas”. My nametag did in fact give my last name as Flores, although my name is not and has never been “Kimberly” (seriously, calling me Kimberly sends me into a murderous rage .. but really, I’ve said too much). So, someone is looking for me. I hope they find me, unless they don’t like me and want to tell me I am fat and stupid and I suck. Hello, person who is trying to find the Kim Flores who was at CES 2K7! I am that person. I worked in the Creative Labs booth, making Q4DM17 sound interesting. Feel free to email me! I do not bite. I can be reached at kimli at this domain dot com.

I do love a mystery!

not dead

Home now!

We spent a fun weekend in Victoria, complete with rain and Dim Sum and a whole lot of crime (we saw three car accidents in a 6 block radius, and one potentially dead body). I took a lot of pictures (I still can’t get over the thrill of having a camera that does as advertised) which I will post later and pretend that people care about my attempts at “artistic” photography (no dongs, I promise). It was a good time, but I am totally exhausted and ready for some serious vegetation. Is it the weekend yet?

I forgot to mention my Injury of the Week for last week, but I feel that it is so monumental that it really does deserve a belated how-do-you-do: I got hit in the eyeball by a Tupperware container lid. Not in the eye, in the eyeball. It hurt. I really ought to learn to close my eyes when things are coming right for my face.

So hey, I think I want a MacBook.

in the space saddle again

Naked Furniture Building may never be the darling of the Olympics, but those of us XXXTREME enough to master the sport have our share of battle scars.

I’m back at work again, and my head is about to explode. Everything seems to be happening all at once – something about my being away for an entire week – and I’m barely keeping the cool for which I am so renowned. It absolutely doesn’t help that my uterus is misbehaving by cramping up my business four days early, and some incredibly stupid girls in the gas station gave me an ulcer by being so vapid it almost caused a black hole. My stress is giant and gaping. My stress is goatse.

I know I’ve promised a Vegas recap, but I don’t know when I’m going to have a free moment to get to it. I had a very good time, and was fortunate enough to work with some amazing people: John, Chris, Mike, Luz, Richard, Candace, Tatum, Drew, Cynthia – all of them went out of their way to make me feel welcome and special – almost embarrassingly so; I’m surprised I didn’t gain a hat size or two while I was out there. Mike even brought Marshmallow Fluff, peanut butter and Wonder Bread straight from Massachusetts so we could all have a traditional Fluffernutter Sandwich (surprisingly tasty). I got to hang out with Sara and Alana for a bit, had dinner with Bjorn, and made some friends. CES2K7 for the win.

No one called me Mama Cass, either.

Holy CRAP where did all this astronaut work come from? AHHHHHH!