Category Archives: nerd

all wet

Posted in nerd, vroom vroom by

That was a distinctly unpleasant ride.

It had just started to rain when I left the house, but it didn’t look too bad so I bravely pressed on. In retrospect, it would have been an excellent idea to go back inside and a) put on a rain jacket and b) bring a change of pants – I am thoroughly soaked all over. I could practically feel the pity emanating from the cars that passed me on the road because I was a pretty pathetic site – more so than usual, that is.

Today’s craptastic weather effectively cancels our plan of a group scoot tomorrow. I am disappointed, but more that it’s going to be gloomy than anything else. We can scoot anytime this summer, and it will be Good Times. Instead, I think we may be making a trip over the border so we can go to my favourite Mexican restaurant and maybe take advantage of the excellent dollar to buy some electronics because obviously I need more toys.

Speaking of which, I just noticed that I left my DS at home today – NOW what the hell am I going to do at lunch or when I don’t want to answer any more stupid questions?

Today I feel grungy, and not at all in the good way from 1992.

the wettest laugh

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There are those who may scoff at my fetish for all things portable and internet, but chances are they are not currently naked and soaking in a hot bath and writing this update, as I am.

Take that, scoffers! Behold my wet and naked words and cower at their convenience!

nerd toys are sexy

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I am posting this from my DS Lite, which is now a portable pink internettin’ machine. Sure, I COULD post this in a tenth of the time from any of my 7 other non-portable internettin’ machines, but I’m going for coolness here – not speed.

I am so damn fancy.

several inconvenient truths

Posted in nerd, relationship drama by

Q: Who’s afraid of the big bad wolf?
A: Ed

I have been more than patient, but if I don’t get my copy of Diner Dash for the DS today, heads are going to roll. The release date was the 22nd, but thanks to the holiday stores aren’t releasing the game until today. I can’t work under these conditions – I need mild entertainment, and I need it NOW.

Oh, if only that was the least of all my worries.

I really hate being at a loss for words. I could write pages upon pages about why I don’t like Ed very much right now – seriously, there’s about a half dozen reasons, each more shocking than the last – but even though I care not very much about saving his e-face, I still don’t feel like waxing some poetry about the (awful, terrible, juicy) specifics. If not wanting to spread delicious, satisfying humiliating details about him means I still love him, then I suppose I do. Just don’t ask me to say it out loud, though. I pretty much have two modes: love and hate, and I’m all out of bubble gum.

So, um. My mom bought me a cute denim vest/tank top that I think I’m going to have to return because it just doesn’t look good on me. I don’t have anything I’d wear with it, and I always feel as though I should be going out line dancing when I put it on. The store it came from had other things I like, so I should be able to find something else no problem. I hate returning things – especially without a receipt – but it’s either that or let it sit in my closet until the next time I go on a wardrobe purge.

The weather this week has been gorgeous, but the weekend’s forecast is wet and rainy. We’re supposed to go do various birthday things for the Shan and Ed Birthday Mashup, but those things were outdoors and technically still unplanned, since no one will tell me what they’d like to do. It’s okay, I can read minds. Really!

I *could* be more boring, but then I would slip into a coma.

incoherent with joy

Posted in nerd by

AHHHH!

QUICK! I NEED AN XBOX 360!!!!!

They’re reviving the Katamari Damacy series and releasing a new game – Beautiful Katamari – sometime this year! HOLY SHIT! HOORAY!

Katamari Damacy is exactly the game that would push me to buy an Xbox 360. I can’t get rid of my Xbox 180 – Jet Set Radio Future is not forward-compatible – but the Katamari series makes me incontinent with glee and the happy. YAY!

Hmm – according to the Wiki, JSRF is now 360 compatible. YIPPEE! SO EXCITED!

How sad is it that the majority of my “SO EXCITED!” status comes from the future release of various video games? No matter; I am quite content with my status of Supreme Nerd.

YAY!

stuff my mother didn’t teach me

Posted in everyday kimli, nerd by

I bought a sewing machine.

It’s the most basic of all models I could find that wasn’t a child’s machine; a Brother LS1520 – refurbished, for extra savings. I didn’t want to spend a lot of money given that I am not entirely sure what I am doing, so I did some research and ended up with this one.

Now what?

I don’t know how to sew. I was given an exception from Home Ec in high school so I could take extra woodworking – all fine and good, except I am not trying to lathe myself up a stick. I want to sew a skirt together. I don’t envision that one day I’ll be able to whip up ball gowns and pant suits with ease; all I want to do is .. sew a skirt together, and maybe make some incredibly basic items and hem some pants. I cut up my favourite pair of jeans last week with the idea to make a skirt of them, because they’re a little too holey to be decent. I could just keep it all together with some safety pins and the iron-on cheater hem I put in there, but .. well, I’d like to learn how to sew. So I bought a sewing machine. This will either be really funny, or really traumatic.

So, internet – how do you sew?

This is either the funniest or the saddest product mash-up I’ve ever seen. Luckily, he looks just smashing on my Prime Shelf.

All puns are totally intended.

return of the eternal fatalist

Posted in nerd, vroom vroom by

Feels like home – I got a parking ticket yesterday. This is what I get for wondering out loud if I should take down my Wall of Shame; the city is telling me loud and clear “hell no”. The only good thing I can see about this entire stupid situation is that Cool Harbour parking tickets are less expensive than Yuppie Town – $30 instead of $40. Hooray? Damn city, where the hell am I supposed to park my scooter?

Yesterday I wrote a letter of complaint. While I do complain a lot, I rarely take action on these complaints because let’s face it, I am but one wee round girl who is about as threatening as a kitten covered in glitter. This time though, I was simply bursting with righteous ire and really had nothing better to do, so I wrote an email to Nintendo to give them the What For.

On the “Everybody Votes” channel for the Wii, some genius submitted – and somehow got approved – the question “What do Canadians say more?” with the two options being “eh” and “sorry”. What the fuck, Nintendo. Stereotyping is Not Nice. I fired off an email asking why they were picking on Canadians, and more importantly, if I were to submit a question along the lines of “what do Americans enjoy more; getting fat or shooting guns?” would it get approved. See? Not nice. Canadians are (supposedly) all polite and stuff; we’re probably the only country you could throw a blatant stereotype like that at and we wouldn’t threaten to bomb you back to the stone ages create an uproar on CNN stage a protest get really angry about it. It surprised me to see, and none of us are planning on answering the question – 4 people out of millions; THAT’LL show them who’s boss.

They are.

So, while I have a wee ass marble at Nintendo, nothing short of death by mutant hobos can stop me from me being SO EXCITED about the release of Diner Dash for the DS next week. If I had a calendar, I would totally circle the date in red. SO EXCITED!

I wonder if I’m going to be “fired” tomorrow.

helter shelter

Posted in everyday kimli, medical anomaly, nerd by

I have sympathetic nipples.

I don’t claim to be even remotely close to understanding what Ali is going through as a new mother, but for the last week or so my nipples have been incredibly, annoyingly sore. They’re so tender my bra hurts, and even my normally inoffensive blanket can irritate my nipples into grumpiness for hours as I toss and turn instead of falling asleep. I have sore nipples! Send in the reinforcements before my unruly vagina hears of trouble in the north and starts planning for war!

NOTE: The preceding paragraph contained Too Much Information – if you are offended by frank talk of primary and secondary sexual characteristics, please do not read the previous portion of this entry.

I am debating sending Ed a series of alarming text messages along the lines of “job finished – did you want me to dispose of her head or keep it for operation: human soup?” or maybe “I can cut you a deal on orders of 5 kilos or more, but anything less you pay street price” or OOH maybe “the girls are here, did you want the blonde or the asian? Only one will do anal – guess which one!”.

I broke Ed’s cell phone earlier this week in a fit of rage – he hit a bump in the road, and the open cup of water I had been drinking sloshed all over the place and soaked his phone. For some reason, it no longer works. He took it to the store and shipped it off to Repair Land, and got a loaner phone to use in the meantime. We had some fun going through the text messages received by the previous phone users – someone got dumped, someone was invited to a party, someone tried to buy weed, and our personal favourite, someone couldn’t do anything because they were too high as they had been doing coke since 11pm last night. I almost feel as if it is our duty to fill the phone with exciting content for the next loanee – after all, what fun is voyeurism if there’s no scandal?

Every once in a while I am reminded just how sheltered I really am. I’m amused and partially scandalized that someone I don’t know does cocaine, even though it’s probably far more common than I could know. The strongest drug in my world is Tylenol 3, and I don’t know anyone who does anything more than the occasional pot – it’s just not an issue around here. I’ve been mildly curious about other drugs, but I’d never actually do any of them because a) that would be stupid, b) I wouldn’t have the foggiest idea where I’d get any, and c) laziest girl ever. I’m content with my other addictions – video games, diet coke, hurting myself in stupid ways. Besides, I’m a winner and, as I’ve heard, winners don’t do drugs.

I just sent Ed a text message: Mike, you SWORE I’d never catch you in bed with my brother again – we’re through, you sick bastard.

Small amusements, people.

smells like mystery

Posted in everyday kimli, nerd by

My friend Concrete (I love the internet – I have no idea what his real name is; he’s just “Concrete”. I think maybe it’s John, or maybe Steve) had a truly excellent idea, one that I think needs to be shared with everyone:

[GGL-con`reedz] i think we need a game called Sim Asshole
[GGL-con`reedz] lets you act out all your assholish fantasies
[GGL-con`reedz] without the risk of being an actual asshole in real life :o

See, that’s just great. A game where you get points for being a total jerk by doing the things that everyone else seems to have no problem doing but you for some reason missed out on by not being raised in that barn. I personally would love to drive a giant SUV while talking on my cell phone and eating a sandwich all at the same time – in the game, that would get me extra points for not only being an asshole, but also endangering others. Double bonus points if there are small children in the car, and triple bonus for a small yappy dog on my lap. Want to take your three kids under the age of 5 to see Saw III? Sure! Invite all your drunken friends over for a Wednesday night party? Why not! Order a burger at a restaurant and throw it all over the restaurant instead of eating it – you have to! It’s Sim Asshole! Get your copy today!

Sometimes I like to pretend I am Nancy Drew. I always envied her; weird things would happen to/around her all the time and instead of having perfectly reasonable explanations – the message in the hollow oak was a warning about the devastating effects of clear cutting; the hidden staircase was behind a curtain; the secret in the attic was asbestos – it would always turn out to be some fabulous mystery that would lead to untold adventure and intrigue. Strange things happen to me all the time, but it rarely turns out to be a true mystery that needs some sleuthing. That doesn’t mean I’ve given up hope, though – one day I’ll stumble upon a real mystery to solve with my good friends George the Tomboy and Bess the Fatty, and we’ll get into some danger that requires some manly rescuing by my dashing beau Ned and/or handsome attorney father Carson. It’ll be awesome.

Oh, and last night as I was trying to fall asleep there was some creepy harmonica music coming from somewhere outside. The Phantom Harmonica – I smell a mystery!

Or, as is far more likely, our neighbour is practicing up a new instrument for the start of the Drum Circle Season. Maybe someone will kidnap him, though. I can still hope for mystery!

It’s Tuesday, and my plastic bag count for the week is still zero!

celebrating with sausage

Posted in nerd by

Delicious Juice Dot Com is six friggin’ years old today.

If my website was a child, it would be entering the first grade in September and, if it took after me in any way, would probably already need a training bra. Wacky!

I know it’s not an official internet-sanctioned Deleurking Day, but in honour of this special occasion could you please leave a comment and say hello? Think of it as a birthday present for my website.

I’ve been boring the pants off the internet for 6 whole years!