We ran so many errands my butt hurts.

Today in Ikea Ed called me weird because I was not excited about his choice in light fixtures until I realized there were four lights.

What?

We had dueling parties last night! The idiots upstairs were having a party in which drunken people fell up the stairs and made all the noise in the known universe, and the idiots next door had another drum circle! Oh, it was totally awesome and in no way utterly confounding that people can have that little a clue about the whole “living in an apartment” thing. Luckily, most of the noise quieted down around midnight which was good because Ed started to get belligerent and wanted to kick some rich kid ass (we’re pretty sure the penthouse upstairs is paid for by the mommy of one of the drunk kids; they got the apartment because she was the one who viewed it and filled out the application and also the landlord was desperate to rent it). I immediately protested, because he never lets ME throw down and start fights in the hallway, but he brushed me off with some lame excuse about my being a delicate flower. Piffle, I say. Piffle and a kick to the nuts.

Last night Ed, Josh and I collectively lost whatever cool we had remaining after it was discovered that we spent much of the evening in a Laundromat doing 10 loads of carefully sorted laundry while discussing the pros and cons of various vacuum cleaner styles. We are losers. It’s a shame really, because I used to enjoy being cool. I suppose I will just hang up my video games for good, and take up window staring and drooling.

Tonight there will be alcohol, car parts, paycheques, scoldings, meatballs, bad drivers, and ‘nee. None of the above is important except for ‘nee and perhaps the paycheque. Yay!

I really do enjoy Christmas. I know it’s all commercial and secular and blah blah blah let’s find problems with everything, but I love giving to my friends and loved ones and let’s face it, receiving is pretty darn awesome too. Someone suggested to me that Christmas was forced giving, but I don’t see it that way at all – it’s a chance for me to spoil people without being inappropriate (unless the gift itself is inappropriate, which, knowing me, is more likely to be the case than not). Not being Christian, I don’t celebrate Christmas with the whole baby Jesus aspect – I just see it as the time of year for fun and friends and gifts and pretty lights. I suppose I could make a big deal about it and come up with another name for the non-religious rituals we go through each year, but then I’d have to be all offended when people wished me a Merry Christmas instead of a Totally Tubular Thortilöc and frankly I just don’t have time for that kind of hassle.

Ed and I had our Annual Christmas Thortilöc Wyatt for the second year in a row, and we’ve been enjoying some good times. I made a fancy festive dinner that turned out quite lovely thank you, and now Ed and Wyatt are ROCKING OUT with Ed’s gift of Guitar Hero I and II from me and the cats. We still have two Thortilöc celebrations to go, too – there’s a pile of gifts under the tree going to Seattle, and we’ll party it up again when Josh and Shan are here for keeps in the new year. YAY! Thortilöc Time Fun for everyone!

I am completely fabulous, and as such, was spoiled accordingly. From Ed I received my long-coveted goatse ring from Tiffany’s (sorry Matt), an assortment of ginger goodies from Origins, and a Delilah Blackheart figurine from my desk. His parents play this game where they totally out-do themselves each year, and this was no exception – I received the 20th anniversary edition Optimus Prime, which is just fucking glorious. My collection now stretches to TWO shelves of Autobot leader goodness, and it makes me giddy in the pants to see so much awesome in my living room. I think there was some other stuff too, but I’m really just overwhelmed with it all. I LOVE the Thortilöc season, and it’s only just begun – next up is a trip to Seattle for assorted debauchery and sightseeing, and before I know it I’ll be off to Las Vegas for six freakin’ days of hard work and hard fun. Have I mentioned lately that I love my life? Because for all my angst and woe, it really is quite a lot of fun to be me.

I hope everyone had an excellent December 25th, regardless of what (if anything) you choose to celebrate!

Our Space Station had a little get together at the Lead Cosmonaut’s house last night. As a result, half the station is mysteriously absent and the other half is wincing at loud noises and shying away from bright lights. I am in the latter group as well, but for different reasons – I slept badly on my neck, and woke up with a very bad headache. Try explaining this to people who are hung over, though, and you’ll get a lot of blank stares and sly winks. It’s true, regardless of their vodka-fueled haze – I have a bad headache. Even if I DID get hangovers (which I don’t), the insignificant amount I drank last night (two store-mixed novelty shooters with the potency of fermented Kool-Aid) certainly didn’t cause this kind of suffering, since I not only drove home but was fine right up until my alarm clock went off. Ow, my head. Could you please read this a little quieter? Thanks.

It is time for a new digital camera. My current one, an HP 707R, was brought forth from the rectal cavity of the very devil himself and it is time to cleanse myself of this unholy piece of garbage in favour of something that oh I don’t know, maybe takes pictures instead of delivering image after image of nothing but black.

I’ve narrowed it down to five options, each more meticulously analyzed than the last. The current forerunners are:

• The Nikon Coolpix S10
• Panasonic Lumix DMC-TZ1
• Canon PowerShot A710 IS
• Canon PowerShot S3 IS
• Canon PowerShot SD700 IS Digital ELPH

The camera I end up with has to be relatively small (I have tiny mutant elf hands); it must have image stabilization (I really do love caffeine), and it has to take a damn fine picture (because I can never have too many self portraits and pictures of my cats). I’ve read all the online reviews and have feedback on the S3 and the SD700 from people I trust, but I still can’t decide between the five. Help!

There’s one camera that I really do want – the Fujifilm Finepix Z5FD – but they pushed the release date back to March and I can’t wait that long. Ideally, I’ll have a new camera in my grubby tiny hands before I go to Vegas. I haven’t exactly asked Santa for one, but I think I’m getting some Christmas money from my mom which’ll go towards taking incriminating photos of her son-in-law naked. Weiner shots are totally awesome. Would you like to see some? Go on, treat yourself. You deserve it.

Fuck. Me.

“The introduction of a new search engine does not ordinarily elicit the same oooh’s and aaah’s as the introduction of the new Prada collection, but this is unlike any search engine we’ve ever seen,” enthused the blog at a women’s Web-shopping site. “Now we don’t even have to be able to read and write, to be able to shop,” it says. “Text searches are so last season.”

This may be the single saddest thing I’ve ever read on the internet. I’m going to go cry myself illiterate now, so I can truly appreciate the website in question.

I do have to be honest, if a little disgusted with myself – the site really is kind of cool. I’ve been poking around it and have already found some really neat things that I didn’t know existed (but have been trying to create in my own clumsy Fisher-Price Fashion School sort of way). If only I were as rich as I am illiterate! I could fill up my Porsche SUV (not to be confused with my Gen1 Hummer or BMW SUV) with brand-name merchandise; the more expensive the better!

In the same vein of consumer greed, I am deeply in lust with this. I need some sort of internet Sugar Guardian to provide me with all the shiny things I’m finding online. Any volunteers? No? Crap.