Category Archives: relationship drama

saltspring island for the win

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And now we are home!

As far as 5th anniversaries go, this one was incredible. We had an awesome time relaxing and hanging out and trying to build fires. Good use was made of the mineral tub; I counted at least half a dozen baths in the 3 nights we were there. The trip to Saltspring was actually our first real vacation, ever – we didn’t crash at anyone’s place, we didn’t visit parents, and we didn’t drag all our friends out with us (not for my lack of trying). It was amazing. Hooray for anniversaries!

Okay, about the ring. It was a mutual gift, because I’m just so modern like that. I wouldn’t feel right about Ed spending that much money on me, so we planned it out and bought it together. We also didn’t wake up all Hollywood – seriously, I would choke and die before spending upwards of $3k on shiny things. Given my noble sense of frugality and my fear of Leonardo DiCaprio potentially showing up at my door and demanding my diamonds, we did a lot of research and eventually settled on Moissanite. The ring itself is a Lucern setting in two-tone 14k gold with 5 stones (for our Fifthiversary, gettit?) with a 1.25tcw. It is gorgeous and crazy sparkly and I’m slowly getting used to having such huge bling on my right hand. It sort of matches my wedding and engagement rings, which I like – while I generally wear nothing but silver, I have some wacky rules in place for “official” jewellery, which is allowed to be gold as long as it’s two-tone. I love my ring. Moissanite stuff is pretty incredible, and I’d definitely look into other pieces if I ever needed more official jewellery. Plus, it’s tricky and therefore appeals to my “I can’t believe it’s not butter!” sense of humour.

To my delight, I found out last night that Ed had actually taken today off work as well so we have an extra day to bask in our cats and bathroom with water that doesn’t reek of sulphur and also scooters. I think we may go outside for an adventure; I will pretty much do anything to avoid having to face the Real World again in which I look for a job and sit on pointy needles waiting to see if the Space Station will respond to the paperwork that says Give Me Money or Else. They received it on Thursday, so now we wait. Don’t make me fill out that yellow sheet, please. I’ll do it if I have to, but it would be so much easier if you’d just write me a damn cheque and wash your hands of me.

Vacation was awesome, but home is truly excellent.

Almost forgot: here be photos from our trip!

rancho relaxo

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Vacation is a marvelous thing. Even more impressive – no skunks! I’d almost forgotten what a skunk-free evening smelled like! It is glorious.

We arrived yesterday afternoon after a three-hour ferry ride. We got to the terminal with about 4 minutes to spare, and we only made it by foregoing gas and food and an ATM. Luckily, boat technology has come a long way since my last trip to the island some 11 years ago, and this time the ferry was equipped with a cafeteria so we didn’t have to resort to cannibalism before we landed at Long Harbour.

Once on Saltspring, we had some time to kill so we wandered around Ganges for a bit, picking up essentials for our stay: beer, wine, something wussy that I could drink, and a few groceries. We got to the resort early, but were able to check in anyway. The place is amazing; there’s a fireplace and the freezer was stocked with ice cubes and the mineral tub is incredible. I was delighted to see that the hairy man with the receding hairline was not in fact standard; he was nowhere to be seen in our chalet. Excellent.

For dinner last night we decided to check out a place in Ganges that had caught Ed’s eye called Oystercatchers. They don’t seem to have a website, but I assure you the restaurant is fully modernized with plumbing and everything. It was cozy and warm inside, and the food was both okay and incredible – our meals (various surf n’ turf-esq platters) were passable, but the appetizers were fucking amazing. We shared some freshly shucked oysters (because you can’t go to a place called Oystercatchers and not catch some oysters in your gullet) which were really really really good, and then there was this soup – some sort of whiskey crab soup that was in all honesty the best soup I’d ever tasted. I’d go back there in a heartbeat just for the soup alone. It was even better than the previous holder of the Awesomest Soup Ever title; the Crab and Guinness soup found at St. James Gate in Banff, Alberta. SO GOOD. O man. Might have to return and have it again. Yum.

We headed back to our chalet afterward to check out the tub, play with the fireplace, get drunk off wine (Ed), drink lots of Diet Coke out of a wine glass and pretend to be high society (me), and watch the first 3 episodes of Clone High on DVD. Also, there was humping. It too was excellent.

Today, Ed gets a hot stone massage at the spa – my surprise for him on this, our actual anniversary. I might partake of some sort of spa service myself, if they have an opening. There’s a beach across the street we want to check out, and if we’re feeling brave we might take a boat out on the water and see what happens.

So far, our trip has been great. I wish I could relax a little more; it’s very hard for me to forget that today is the day my Ominous Government Paperwork should be landing at my former Space Station and I expect the fallout to be mighty and far reaching. Maybe I can forget about it for a while if I take a mud bath. I like bathing; I like mud – what’s not to love?

Story of the ring coming soon, I promise!

romantic weekend essentials

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This Friday is our Fifthiversary – 5 years of wedding bliss, or something. To celebrate within the confines of our own (admittedly glorious) country, we are going to Saltspring Island to stay at a fancy resort spa thing for relaxing and island nudity. We’re leaving tomorrow morning, so today I am going to pack some Romantic Weekend Essentials to take with us:

  • Mood-setting candles
  • Sexy lubricants
  • Various things from the toy box
  • Good-smelling melty bath things
  • Nintendo DS Lites, chargers and a dozen games
  • Seasons 1 and 2 of The Brak Show
  • Diet Coke
  • Pants for when I have to go outside because I ran out of Diet Coke
  • A laptop for internetting
  • Several digital cameras to take naked pictures of Ed or of any bears we might encounter
  • Other people

We had originally planned to scoot to the island, but the weather is not going to cooperate so we will have to drive. On one hand this sucks because I love scooting and it would be much easier to explore the island; on the other it means I can bring more crap in case I need it. For example, I might need my printer. You never know when you are going to need to print something.

Yesterday was a productivity write-off, so today I have a zillion things to do. Last night’s Dinner for Dad turned into an impromptu dinner party making for a sink full of dirty dishes, there are hairs to henna, paperwork to finish, and the above-mentioned sexy things to pack. I should get started. Here I go. Ready? One – two – hey, I wonder if my pinatas have finished having sex yet?

death and mincemeat pie

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I’m speechless.

I don’t think I’ll ever wear them again; I just want to keep them sealed in plastic as testament that dreams can eventually come true. If nothing else though, this was a very drawn out lesson to learn – never, ever buy “dry clean only” clothing ever again. If I had known the cleaning process would take almost two years, I would have just walked on by.

I did in fact go to the government yesterday. I don’t quite know what I was expecting – outrage, disbelief, angry villagers with flaming pitchforks – but instead I got paperwork. Lots and lots of paperwork. It seems I have to fill out a form and send it to the Space Station, at which point they have 15 days to respond. If they don’t, I submit a complaint to the government, and eventually someone will look at my case and decide my fate. If the Space Station opts not to play nice and cough up what they apparently owe me, the process will take months. While I was asking my many questions, people were calling in about their own case files and I learned that they are just now starting to process the July claims. It is in my best interest for the Space Station not to force the government’s hand in this, but that would involve their acknowledging their mistake all along – I am not expecting this to be over and done with any time soon. I really need to find a new job. Again. Maybe I should give up trying to fit into Corporate Canada and just go work at McDonald’s again. I still have my original time card, and I think there’s a visor around here somewhere.

I have numbers to calculate, forms to fill out, envelopes to mail, and a remembrance dinner to cook. Unfortunately, all I want to do is crawl back into bed with a cat or three and be sad and defeated. It doesn’t help that I was unable to find mincemeat tarts last night, so my Dinner for Dad will be incomplete. Today is the second Deathiversary, and I am keeping up the tradition of cooking all of dad’s favourites for dinner to honour his memory. It’s mostly tasty busy work, but it does help.

I miss you, dad.

ten! ten years!

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While we’ve technically been together for 10 years and 4 days, today is our official Tenthiversary – ten years of togetherness as some sort of couple. Wacky! To celebrate, we’re going out for a Fancy Dinner at Quattro and also to pick up the laundry. Ed’s been raving about Quattro since his (real and not horrible) job took him there for fun times and eats, so he made reservations and a-dinin’ we shall go. Exciting! I want to dress up, but I think we’re scooting there and it’s difficult to ride in a ball gown. Not that I actually OWN a ball gown, but it’s nice to pretend I do – that way, all those tiaras I have don’t seem so out of place.

I want to be more excited about the anniversaries than I currently am, but it’s hard. For one, my increasingly bizarre “job” is weighing heavily on my mind. Also, the closer we get to the Deathiversary, the sadder I am. I miss my dad. I keep seeing or hearing things he would have liked and I think, “hey I should tell dad” but I can’t. Death sucks, yo.

I sent a letter off to my “boss” asking him to let me know exactly what my status is. I’ve been firing off resumes like mad, trying to find something before the inevitable happens. Given the facts so far, it really does seem like I’ve been fired – they’ve just forgotten to let me know.

Oh well. I have an anniversary to celebrate, laundry to pick up, and I’m in desperate need of a shower.

Happy Tenthiversary, Ed! I do love you, even if you are extremely weird.

not with a bang but with a toot

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Yesterday was the official start of Anniversary Month. Ed and I met ten years ago, over the Labour Day weekend. Ten years is a long time. If I stop to think about it, I freak out a little.

We spent yesterday scooting around the city, just hanging out. It was a good day for it, and the sun felt fantastic on my knuckles. We saw interesting things – a guy walking around in a bathrobe, a giant squid kite, many people who should not be allowed behind the wheel of a car – and went to interesting places – UBC, Main Street, our old apartment, various beaches. We were out for almost 7 hours, and our asses hurt when we got home. I made a yummy pot of chili, and we settled in for an evening of nothing. It was nice to have some quality couple time, actually.

Today will be less fun but more productive. There are sticky, disgusting errands to run and household cleaning products to purchase and eventually use. Later, we might go out for a Fancy Dinner to celebrate ten years of knowing each other’s names. Nothing spells a day of romance like the bottle depot and discount toilet paper, so we might as well have some fun with it. Besides, I have a new skirt. It is three times green and reversible. Jealous? Oh, you know you are.

Photos! For YOU!

yours for only $9.95

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Ed is thoroughly entranced by an infomercial, and I’m a little worried. Sure, there’s nothing else on TV – but we have ALL THE VIDEO GAMES IN THE WORLD; I’m sure there’s something else he could be doing.

Even if it is for Cinema! Quality! DVD!

Maybe he’s just got a boner for all those sexy 70’s styles. Yes, I’m sure that’s it. A retro boner. In his pants.

I think I’ll go to bed.

.. ouch

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I’m a triple threat of pathetic today, so don’t mind me. I’m hormonal and bloated and all the other adjectives that come with being a woo-man; I’m trying to wean myself off the crazy pills and am suffering withdrawal and doubt; I have a headache so bad that I am seriously thinking about going to sleep in the bathtub because at least it’s nice and dark in there and I wouldn’t be able to hear the frickin’ bagpipes that are coming in through the bedroom window. Seriously, bagpipes. Did I wake up in Scotland? If so, that’s fucking awesome. I’m gonna bag me a castle!

However, I don’t think I woke up in Scotland and so I am just sad and blue with a terrible headache and some achy plumbing. It is not much fun. And yet .. I feel guilty for feeling so lousy today. I have friends having some bad times, and an online acquaintance just lost his wife to cancer. In the grand scheme of things, my problems are pretty pathetic and I feel guilty for feeling so down over such insignificant things. I suck.

And yet, it’s all I really have to talk about, so I will keep on keepin’ on.

I don’t need to share the gory details regarding my upcoming menstrual dance, but – sorry, I must interject my own commentary to note that Hobble just dove off the bed and tackled Cheddar, who did not appreciate it because the younger cat outweighs her by close to 14 pounds but dang it was funny – suffice it to say that my face is breaking out, my pants are tight, and I’m pretty sure I am the grossest thing to walk the planet and nobody loves me. Oh, hormones. You are nonsensical and not awesome at all.

For some time now I’ve been trying to wean myself off the crazy pills. I’ve been taking them for a very long time, and I’d like to be a little less dependent on those burgundy ovals of sanity. My originally prescribed dose was wee, but it’s going on 3.5 years now and it’s time to stop the pharmaceutical train and try being sane on my own two deformed feet for a while. I’m going about it very slowly – I cut my dose down from 150mg to 75mg, and soon I will be cutting even further to 37.5mg then to nothing. I could just go cold turkey, but it is a) not recommended, and b) painful – I skipped a dose last night, and if the resulting headaches are anything like I feel this morning, I think I would rather be an addicted mess drooling in the corner. My brains hurt. I do not like it one bit.

And lastly, I am just sad overall. I miss having and being a best friend. While I do have friends that I love and am grateful for, they are all spoken for and sometimes I feel like an intruder. I am not vital or significant to anyone; I just am. It’s fun to have me around (I hope), but if I’m not there, life goes on. I miss being important to someone. I miss having someone I can tell anything. I miss secrets and in-jokes. Also, I miss the mental state I was in a few minutes ago before I accidentally saw Ed telling his ex girlfriend that he is “relatively happy” with his wife.

Hmm.

yay for canada!

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I ate a red and white breakfast, but I realized that I can’t dress the part today – I don’t own any red clothing. None! The best I can do is sport a pair of red and white underwear, which is a pretty sad state of affairs. Now, if our country colours were, say, black and army green, I would be patriotic every damn day of the year – but red and white I just can’t do with what is currently in my closet.

Ed left this morning for his road trip, meaning I get the bed ALL TO MYSELF for 4 whole nights (unless anyone wanted to join me – any takers?). I don’t know that I’ve had a long weekend to myself in recent years, and I’m a little at a loss of what to do. I want to go for a scoot for sure, and check out some of the Canada Day celebrations .. but do I want to be social? Or spend the day in solitude, just me n’ Oscar roaming the city? Decisions!

Last night there was a huge fight upstairs involving Angry Steve (the Bus Drivin’ Man) and the idiots upstairs. It was scary. Ed had to intervene – there was one very, very angry burly bus driver against 20 or so drunken kids full of piss and vinegar and beer and themselves. There were pushes, and a punch was thrown that thankfully didn’t make contact. It was a really fucking bad scene – people were literally screaming at one another (well, Steve was screaming at the idiots upstairs, who were beakin’ back at him like .. well, idiots) and threats and escalating tempers and whooooo boy. Bad stuff. The cops eventually showed up (after everything had calmed down), and the party went on until about 4 in the morning. I’m thinking our landlord is going to get a very angry earful about all this from Angry Steve, and rightfully so – the idiots upstairs have been here for less than a year, and it seems like every other week they have a houseful of drunken kids acting like this is a dormitory or something. Ugh.

Of course, here’s hoping that our landlord’s solution isn’t to just sell the building to the developers that have been sniffing around these parts, looking to demolish four buildings and put up some overpriced condos.

Happy Canada Day, everyone! I leave you with this quote, which is frankly hilarious and tickled me just so:

Denys Volkov, who hails from Kharkiv, Ukraine, offers this essential advice for any eastern Europeans trying to act Canadian: “Poutine (fries smothered in cheese and gravy) is not the same as Putin.” Volkov recounts how he moved to Manitoba to study and initially couldn’t understand why his friend kept asking his opinion of Russian President Vladimir Putin.

HAH!