Category Archives: relationship drama

shunned

Posted in medical anomaly, relationship drama by

I am tired of being in exile.

Ed’s been just this side of dying ill since Monday, so to give him a break and to keep myself from flying into rages when he snores I’ve been sleeping in the spare room. At first it was fun – sort of like camping, and I always love having a bed to myself – but as the days wore on, it became less exciting and more of a hassle than anything else. I miss my bed. I miss my alarm clock. I miss not sleeping directly above the entrance to our apartment building, and not hearing the comings and goings of my neighbours. I don’t need or want to hear Drunk Betty and her companion, Admiral Ackbar, coming home tanked at 3am and stumbling around as they try to figure out how to open the front door. I love me some fresh air, but I also love me some not waking up at 6am with full rigor mortis because the temperature dropped and my blankets fell on the floor. I even almost – but not quite – miss Ed’s flailing elbows to the face. The day he got sick we went and bought new sheets – these crazy deep pocketed 650 thread count Egyptian cotton things made by Isis herself, and I haven’t been able to sleep on them yet and now they’re all germy! It is unfair. I want my bed back. Ed promises tonight is the last night of my exile, but I am unsure – he was still looking and sounding pretty retched when he left for work this morning.

Maybe I’ve been looking at this all wrong. I should just make the best of it and turn the spare room into MY bedroom – this whole notion of married couples needing to share bedspace is archaic and painful, what with the elbows and all. If I got rid of the crap in the room that I don’t necessarily want to share space with – say, Ed’s snowboarding equipment and the FUCKING CAR TIRES THAT ARE SO WHITE TRASH HOLY CRAP I HATE THEM – I could make the spare room my own personal boudoir for sexy times. I’m an only child; I just don’t get the idea of needing to share. I want my own bedroom!

There are a thousand reasons why having my own bedroom is an excellent idea, but I think I will resist the urge to redecorate with silk scarves and posters torn from Teen Beet for the time being because I know once I got settled, I’d be damned if I’d go back and Ed would probably start to pout after a while, or just get far too used to farting when and wherever he saw fit.

I am equally fascinated and horrified by these. I want a pair in every colour. Finally, my dream of being a Solid Gold Dancer is close to reality!

there’s something about ed

Posted in relationship drama by

Ed, while tolerate of my website in that he rarely asks me for details on my day’s events anymore because he knows I will just stare at him and point to the internet, sometimes complains that I never write about him unless I am angry and wanting the world to know how much he is not going to get into my divine woman flower any time soon. He does have a point – it’s easier to complain when things are not going well than it is to be textually chipper when things are just hunky-dory, which is the norm. So, in the spirit of soothing the savage ego, here is a list of Reasons Why I Like Ed:

  • He is awfully nice to me even when I don’t really deserve it
  • He usually smells good
  • He brings me Diet Coke refills whenever I ask, sometimes even when I don’t ask
  • He makes me laugh
  • When I pull his finger he makes farting noises which the four year old in me finds absolutely fucking hilarious
  • When I pull his finger he doesn’t *actually* fart, which would completely horrify me
  • He doesn’t watch me pee (long story, honest)
  • He seems tentatively open to our getting a pug
  • Two words: giant man-root
  • Knows and accepts that his wife is a complete gadget whore who frequently falls asleep surrounded by not one but four completely essential and necessary wireless getting-to-the-internet devices
  • Gives excellent hugs
  • Doesn’t seem to mind when I spend entire car trips making up songs about the things I see out the window
  • Made me chicken noodle soup last night to combat my Norwalk sarspox
  • Is generally an all-round cool dude

Awww. Don’t you want to just throw up in your mouth a little? I know I do every time I read mushy gushy love crap about significant others. So, in honour of cleaning out my mouth a little AND making sure the above praise doesn’t go to Ed’s head, here is a list of Things About Ed That Are Currently Driving Me Bat-Shit INSANE:

  • WHERE THE HELL IS MY DRY CLEANING
  • WHY THE HELL WON’T YOU GET YOUR GODDAMN PASSPORT – I SWEAR TO GOD I AM GOING TO INVITE PERFECT STRANGERS TO ACCOMPANY ME ON OUR BIG ANNIVERSARY SINCE YOU WON’T BE ALLOWED TO LEAVE THE COUNTRY AND HEY WHO WOULDN’T WANT TO SPEND A WEEK IN HAWAII WITH BALKI AND COUSIN LARRY

I feel better now.

let me sleep on it

Posted in relationship drama by

Ed’s illness has entered the snotty stuffed up stage, meaning he snores louder than usual and with a charmingly thick gurgling sound. This is in no way disgusting and/or impeding my sleep in any way – last night I gave up and tried to sleep on the couch. I say “tried”, because our couch seems to be made of bricks and pointy barbed wire. I am very sore this morning and more than a little tired, which might explain why I woke up with “Paradise by the Dashboard Light” stuck in my head.

Nothing says “Hey, it’s Tuesday!” like a heaping serving of morning Meatloaf.

I am not cut out for a life in Support. I’ve always known this, but the last few weeks have made it glaringly apparent that I have no business dealing with the public. I do not play well with others, and word is starting to get out that while I obviously know my shit very well, I am grouchy and impatient and mean and I truly hate stupid people. I don’t intend to be short with the users, but I can’t help it seeing as I am only two feet tall (but righteous y’all). I’ve been promised that this is temporary, and I am glad that I’m in essence creating the team as well as all processes followed instead of just a run of the mill support monkey, but still. It’s frustrating, and my frustration is turning into abuse on our less intelligent clientele. Luckily for me our space bosses know my strengths in other areas, and they keep soothing the savage Kimli by promising that this is temporary – in the meantime, I just need to suck it up and take some deep breaths, and perhaps also take up drinking.

The sunshine outside is helping to elevate my mood. I can’t wait for spring to come – I desperately miss riding Sally!

zed zed zed

Posted in relationship drama by

Very few things of interest ever happen to me on Sundays, and today is no exception. Ed and I spent the last 7 hours alternating between cleaning and playing video games. Our spare room is ready to receive Josh, and my casting setup is almost back together. Tonight we’ll finish up Project: Secret Welcome, then it’s on to another week of our fairly awesome west coast life.

That was hardly worth the effort to open the link, was it. Don’t you feel totally ripped off?