Tag Archives: nablopomo-2008

mystery

Posted in medical anomaly by

The good news: Yep, there’s definitely something there. It’s kind of squishy. Does it hurt when I pinch it really hard? It does? Huh. Interesting.

The bad news: It’s not what you thought it was – those are usually located lower and on the inside. I don’t actually know WHAT you’ve got there – it’s definitely a cyst, but it’s nothing I know about. I’m not sure what to tell you. Maybe .. take a bath? Yeah, that’ll help. Take a bath, and uh .. massage it? Sure, massage the area. Get right in there and force the toxins out. You can do it!

Great – even the vagina expert doesn’t know what my cyst is, or why they appear. The only advice she could give me basically amounts to a great deal of bathtub masturbation, which while I can absolutely appreciate and plan to follow doctor’s orders to the point of needing an intervention, does not get to the bottom of my mystery. This is no good.

Still, a suggestion is a suggestion. I think some new waterproof toys may be in order. After all, the doctor told me to do it so clearly it’s in my best interests to follow her knowledgeable recommendations to the very best of my ability. I may need help with this.  I should get a bigger bathtub.

not made of tuesday

Posted in everyday kimli by

If you’re fortunate to live near a Cobs Bread, go try their new scones. I’ve never had a tastier handheld breakfast, and the cinnamon one is particularly delightful. Don’t let the terrifying thumbs up man scare you away – they are fantastic.

I know I’ve said this before, but it bears repeating – I HATE it when online news stories are video only. I like to READ my news, not have it spoon-fed to me. I am mildly curious – in passing only, of course – at how a parrot managed to save a 2-year-old from choking (I imagine it has something to do with the parrot flying down the child’s throat and retrieving the obstruction), but I will never know because I can’t read the article. Is this great internet of ours creating a generation of idiots who have to have everything read out loud before comprehension sets in? Are we really headed for a future where libraries are an anachronism of the past? What if the parrot story was destined to change my life? Shit. Maybe I should watch the video despite my protests.

Today is a Big Day for my private parts – Validation Day! Not only do I get to show her that look, something is not right down there and let’s talk about fixing it already, but I get to introduce my shiny new theory: KELOID! Hooray! I have a sneaking suspicion that my last cyst did indeed rupture, but instead of going quietly into the night, decided to scar over and be all lumpy and itchy. Let’s see her try to say THIS is all in my imagination! Take that, doctor!

Stupid vagina.

honesty with a pork pie hat

Posted in everyday kimli by

Oh if only we weren’t so damn honest.

I was paying some bills online when I noticed that we have quite a bit more money that we should – exactly one month of rent more. Our November rent cheque hasn’t been cashed yet. You would think that having almost a thousand extra dollars would be super, but in actuality it’s a total pain in the ass – it’s not our money; it just LOOKS like we can afford extra ale and whores and groceries.

It’s a little strange, because our landlord is usually anally prompt with the cheque cashing. We give him a year’s worth of cheques, and he’s at the bank at 6am on the 1st of each month, rubbing his hands in fingerless gloves together gleefully and collecting sacks of gold coins in bags with a $ on the side, his rumpled top hat dusty and askew. He’s never once been late with the cheque cashing.

I checked this morning, and we still had the money in our account. Ed called him up and asked if he had a November cheque from us – for some reason I think I only gave him up to October, which would explain why he hadn’t collected from us. We didn’t really think this was the case either, though – when our landlord is missing cheques from you, he calls you repeatedly until you hand them over. We hadn’t heard from him at all, so we thought we might be in the clear and my memory is being unusually faulty. It happens. Not often, though.

Surprisingly, the landlord said he cashed all the November cheques ages ago – ours included. The bank tells me a different story, so we asked him to check again because he might be out some money. We’re waiting for a call back, but damnit! If we had just kept our fool mouths shut, we could have totally gotten away with it! He thinks he cashed our cheque already, not realizing that he probably never had one from us at all. I could have bought .. uh .. shoes! And underwear! I need new underwear! Damn our honesty!

I am pretty choked that I spent all of the glorious yesterday with an enormous, unforgiving migraine coupled with various other maladies I won’t get into here – but today, on a holiday Tuesday, I am feeling better but it is yucky outside. I enjoyed the sleeping, though. That part was awesome.

where did my words go

Posted in everyday kimli by

I’m not *trying* to fail NaBloPoMo ’08, but I’m definitely not as gung ho about it as I was in years past. There are several reasons – I’m really busy, I’m really lazy, and frankly there just isn’t a lot of excitement going on around here. For the last three days, I’ve really had to struggle to post at all – let alone in an attempt to keep going for an entire month. Am I out of things to say? I doubt it. I’m just a little preoccupied with nothing in particular, is all.

That being said, I really don’t want to become one of those “once a month” people. So, I won’t. I won’t even drop down to once a week. I just .. may be a little dull until things pick up around here.

In other news, it would be awesome if Cheddar would please stop throwing up on my coat.

bad dog

Posted in everyday kimli, nerd by

Oh, Fido. Why did you have to piddle all over the country?

I was blissfully unaware of this, but apparently Fido has been experiencing “brand ambiguity” ever since being purchased by Rogers a few years ago. To combat this, they’ve undergone yet another image revamp. It’s all the rage these days; just recently Bell Canada went from anthropomorphic beavers to the classier (?) and wholly confusing “-er” campaign. Not helping matters is the Telus entry into the discount mobile provider party – they’re the bastards behind the disturbing 80’s fitness-branded Koodo, a company seemingly targeted towards people who like to get physical and wear legwarmers.

Fido is, of course, my current cell provider, and I’ve been trying to log into their website for the last three days to get my latest bill. I’ve been having trouble doing so, and today I found out why: they launched their new website to go along with their new image, and it is fucking horrible.

It doesn’t take a degree in Marketing to see what they’re going for here – in Canada, the bright yellow screams CHEAP! DISCOUNT! NO FRILLS! YOU CAN AFFORD THIS! It’s the same yellow used by No Name brand products available at bargain basement grocery stores and Best Buy. It’s also hideous. The old Fido brand featured a website with a black background and shades of teal, beige and brown – it was actually pretty classy. Their new website is an eyesore and actually made me wonder if it had been hacked. Smart move, guys.

Before today, if you had asked me if the company’s image played into my willingness to pay for their services, I would have scoffed and said no. My extreme distaste for the new cheap Fido, however, is proving me wrong. Frankly, I’m embarrassed that these guys are my phone provider. Just like I would never be a Koodo customer because of their awful ads and imagery, if this version of Fido had been the norm when I was looking for a new provider in July, I would have passed them by. I suppose this is really snooty of me, but it’s the same everywhere – you go with what you like. I liked Fido’s old image; that of warm colours, cute dogs and hip people who could totally be me. Their new image – one of obnoxious bright yellow, sloppy sketches and scruffy dogs/people – is highly distasteful to me.

I suppose the bottom line is really the cell service, and it remains to be seen whether this new cheaper Fido will cut back on the quality of service I receive from them. If it gets bad, I will bail and go elsewhere.

In the meantime though, if anyone asks, I’m with Sprint.

bus rage

Posted in everyday kimli by

I’ve whined about this on almost every social media outlet I’ve got; might as well make it a grand slam: I fucking hate taking transit.

The forecast for the next week or so is torrential, never ending rain. I don’t mind riding Oscar to work if the rain is supposed to let up at some point during the day, but as it doesn’t look like we’ll see the sun or even dry pavement again until March, I’ve reluctantly started taking the bus/boat/train to work each day. It only took me an hour to get to the office this morning, and $4 – clearly that is much better than the 15 minutes on Oscar for free. Getting home will be another hour and more money. Hooray!

As an aside, it is awkward to have a strange man come running up to your cubicle and start groping around under your seat. I wasn’t quite sure how to handle it – charm school didn’t teach me what to do when strangers want under your ass – so I sat there and watched and felt a little dirty afterwards.

Okay, back to the bus. I hate you, bus. Today was a mere hint at what’s to come, as I left the house late and didn’t get into the office until 9:30. I don’t feel bad about it, since I was here until 8pm last night saving the world again – but when I have to start being here on time, I’ll be taking the bus/boat/train with steaming hordes of grumpy people. I do not look forward to that. Perhaps I will invest in a machete. Err, that was in bad taste – sorry. I really do hate transit, though.

I think I aced yesterday’s executive tour of the warehouse. It was a crazy busy day though, featuring my very first 12 hour day at the Lab. Poor Ed had to cab from the airport to my office, then wait around for me to be finished writing emergency reports which are much more complicated than regular, non-emergency reports. I’m hoping today won’t be quite as bad – I can only handle so much fussy nitpicking in a week – and tomorrow I get to spend the entire day in Richmond for awesome fun sneezy times. Yay!

At least I don’t have to take the bus there.

urge to kill: rising

Posted in angst, vroom vroom by

It’s a bad weekend to be a scooter.

When Ed came home from Insurance 101 yesterday, he took out the garbage because he is a good boy. He also took out the recycling, as new TVs come in a rainforest worth of cardboard. Free of cardboard, he stopped to look at his scooter for a second for no particular reason. Under his scooter, he found a shiny thing that did not belong. Curious, he took a closer look.

In a half-assed attempt to steal Ed’s scooter, someone had tried to punch his ignition and use a screwdriver or something to get it started. They pried up the panel covering the oil tank, trying to get into the seat. All failed. After chewing up the key hole something fierce, they then turned to Josh’s Ruckus. They had a little more luck here; punching in the ignition to a further degree and bending the shit out of the hole – but that’s it. Both scooters start up fine with some very minor cosmetic damage.

That’s a good thing, but there’s still that nasty feeling of violation; knowing someone not only touched your stuff but actively tried to take it away from you. My scooter wasn’t in the back, but I imagine Oscar would have been hit too – they didn’t touch Josh’s motorcycle because it is big and scary, and Shan’s scooter is STILL in the shop. All is well, I guess.

Oscar wasn’t free from molestation, though. This morning when I woke up, I looked out the window to see if it was raining. It was, but more importantly, Oscar was lying on his right side in the rain. I woke Ed up, and we ran outside to pick him up. It doesn’t look like he was hit, so we think someone sat on him and tried to move him forward, but since the steering column is locked, they lost their balance and fell over. He wasn’t pushed – there’s no damage whatsoever to his right side, and the only scratches on the left were from my slide down the hill last year. We righted him and he started up almost immediately. Oscar rules.

Fuck this neighbourhood, though. Now I’m up outrageously early, I’m in a shitty mood, and my foot hurts because Lemon attacked through my blanket. This is not an auspicious start to my Sunday morning.

girl time

Posted in everyday kimli by

Ed is off learning about the exciting world of insurance, so I have the apartment to myself with absolutely no plans. It is awesome. I am going to henna my head, give myself a facial, listen to some truly terrible early 90’s Canadian pop, drink Diet Coke for breakfast, and go marry more people in Fable II. Bliss! I do feel a little bit guilty though, because Ed has an awful cold yet has to go to this stupid course for 7 hours – then leaves for a business trip to exotic Calgary on Monday at 5:30am. He can rest up tomorrow, but I know if I were in his situation I would be one big ball of whine.

Okay, time to make myself beautiful.

Also, welcome to NaBloPoMo ’08, where I write a post every day for the month of November because I just love the smell of eggs and coffee overkill.