I do not sleep well with others.

Due to simultaneous cases of rampant discomfort, cranky sleeps and clogged-up snottiness, Ed and I have been sleeping in separate rooms: he in the spare room, and I in the cozy hole we usually sleep in. Ed has trouble getting to sleep if there’s any noise whatsoever, and between my snoring and the cats going insane in the middle of the night, he hasn’t been getting much sleep lately. To combat this, he’s been going into sensory deprivation mode by holing up in the spare room with the door closed and ear plugs in while I get the big bed to myself.

Yes, it kind of sucks – but to look at it another way, it is fucking awesome.

Last night I was feeling petulant, so he slept in the main bed with me. While he managed to get to sleep alright, I had a horrible go of it – I tossed and turned for hours and received many elbows to the face. Every time I tried to stretch out and get comfortable, there was a limb in the way. I hated it. A lot. And I’m starting to worry that I’m going to be forever unable to sleep with another person close by, effectively cutting a large part of married life out of our daily routine.

It’s all the rage in the upper middle class for husbands and wives to have separate bedrooms, but that’s just not practical. Not only do we not have the space for it, I’m afraid I’m not up to speed on my yoga pants, tiny purse dogs and oversized SUVs. And yet .. I can’t help but think this might be the way to go.

Would it really be so bad if we had separate rooms? Yes, allowances would have to be made for when we have guests, but it might work. In my head I’ve already started to rearrange furniture and make up a list of things I’d want in my very own room. Truth be told, I long for my own space. My corner of the living room just isn’t as private as I sometimes need, and damnit, I just sleep so much better by myself. I can stretch! I can sleep diagonally! All four cats could sleep with me and I wouldn’t end up on the floor! I wouldn’t have to limit myself to 4 pillows – I could have eight! It would be fantastic! We could have giggly date nights complete with sleep overs! There’d be a whole new dimension to our relationship that would be in no way weird!

I haven’t talked to Ed about this (although by making this post, I suppose it’s now out in the open – hey Ed, how do you feel about separate bedrooms?), but I doubt he’d go for it. Even if you ignore the emotional response, the whole damn thing is a logistical nightmare. Also, who would get which room? Naturally I’d want the main room because it has the better bed, all my stuff, and the TV – but the smaller room is cozy and has better air circulation and would be quite cute if laid out just right. It’s all just wishful thinking, really. I don’t want a roommate, I rather like having a husband. I’m sure we can work something out, like trading the queen bed in for two twin beds.

Actually, that would be so much worse. It’s bad enough having someone snoring in your ear; if they were snoring but too far away to kick? I believe I would go insane with rage.

The sudden change from summer to winter appears to be affecting people negatively – everyone is weird and sad and stressed out, myself included. I don’t like it. Everyone be cool, okay?