his and hers

I do not sleep well with others.

Due to simultaneous cases of rampant discomfort, cranky sleeps and clogged-up snottiness, Ed and I have been sleeping in separate rooms: he in the spare room, and I in the cozy hole we usually sleep in. Ed has trouble getting to sleep if there’s any noise whatsoever, and between my snoring and the cats going insane in the middle of the night, he hasn’t been getting much sleep lately. To combat this, he’s been going into sensory deprivation mode by holing up in the spare room with the door closed and ear plugs in while I get the big bed to myself.

Yes, it kind of sucks – but to look at it another way, it is fucking awesome.


Last night I was feeling petulant, so he slept in the main bed with me. While he managed to get to sleep alright, I had a horrible go of it – I tossed and turned for hours and received many elbows to the face. Every time I tried to stretch out and get comfortable, there was a limb in the way. I hated it. A lot. And I’m starting to worry that I’m going to be forever unable to sleep with another person close by, effectively cutting a large part of married life out of our daily routine.

It’s all the rage in the upper middle class for husbands and wives to have separate bedrooms, but that’s just not practical. Not only do we not have the space for it, I’m afraid I’m not up to speed on my yoga pants, tiny purse dogs and oversized SUVs. And yet .. I can’t help but think this might be the way to go.

Would it really be so bad if we had separate rooms? Yes, allowances would have to be made for when we have guests, but it might work. In my head I’ve already started to rearrange furniture and make up a list of things I’d want in my very own room. Truth be told, I long for my own space. My corner of the living room just isn’t as private as I sometimes need, and damnit, I just sleep so much better by myself. I can stretch! I can sleep diagonally! All four cats could sleep with me and I wouldn’t end up on the floor! I wouldn’t have to limit myself to 4 pillows – I could have eight! It would be fantastic! We could have giggly date nights complete with sleep overs! There’d be a whole new dimension to our relationship that would be in no way weird!

I haven’t talked to Ed about this (although by making this post, I suppose it’s now out in the open – hey Ed, how do you feel about separate bedrooms?), but I doubt he’d go for it. Even if you ignore the emotional response, the whole damn thing is a logistical nightmare. Also, who would get which room? Naturally I’d want the main room because it has the better bed, all my stuff, and the TV – but the smaller room is cozy and has better air circulation and would be quite cute if laid out just right. It’s all just wishful thinking, really. I don’t want a roommate, I rather like having a husband. I’m sure we can work something out, like trading the queen bed in for two twin beds.

Actually, that would be so much worse. It’s bad enough having someone snoring in your ear; if they were snoring but too far away to kick? I believe I would go insane with rage.

The sudden change from summer to winter appears to be affecting people negatively – everyone is weird and sad and stressed out, myself included. I don’t like it. Everyone be cool, okay?

9 thoughts on “his and hers

  1. Solution that doesn’t involve being the Queen in 1654 (what? It seemed like a good year, and you know she only slept with her husband when he Visited her Bedchamber, wink wink, nudge nudge):

    King size bed.

    I LOVE our bed. I can never go back to a queen again. Seems so teeny and impractical. Our bed fits: One noisy Donna, one 40lb dog who, while sleeping, grows seven extra limbs, all for kicking. One Nick, who has an annoying habit of sleeping in the MIDDLE of the bed, rather than on his side (mostly because there’s a 40lb dog with seven extra limbs over there, but also partially because it’s such a long way to travel for cuddle time otherwise). And, I kid you not, 9 regular pillows and one body pillow. I was making the bed the other day, piling the pillows up so I could get the (giant!) sheets on, and they reached my chest before falling over. We have a stack of pillows CHEST HIGH. The DOG has her own damn pillow, and we’re not really sure how that happened…

    Anyway. It’s awesome. When I was forced to sleep in a measly double bed, I felt claustrophobic and like my personal space was being infringed upon. WHY ARE YOU TOUCHING ME? Why? I tried to scoot over to escape the horrible touching, and nearly fell off the bed… before I realized that he, too, was nearly falling off the bed on his side. The dog had to sleep on the floor. THE FLOOR!

    I don’t know how I ever managed sleeping in a queen bed before. I can never break up with Nick, my old bed (in storage at my parents place) is just too small.

  2. Karen and I slept on a king-sized water bed, and after I solved my snoring problem (C-PAP, wonderful things!) we never had a problem.
    I agree that spouses should sleep together whenever possible… the last two months that she was alive, she had to sleep upstairs in a small bed and I missed her so much… in fact, I still do, and I regret every night that I didn’t get to sleep with her.
    Luckily, it didn’t bother her at all… she could always sleep like a log under almost any circumstances.

  3. My parents slept in separate beds because he was a thrasher/snorer/furnace. Once they got their own beds(he liked his matress firm, hers softer) they both slept amazinly well, which equaled them being a whole lot happier. Though i always wondered whose bed they did the nasty on, or if they mixed it up to keep it ‘fresh’.

  4. I think the only way I could ever share a bed again would be to get a king size. I have a queen and between myself and my cat, it’s sometimes a little small as is.

  5. We also love our king sized bed. So much in fact that we spent $2000 on a nice new one! Only to find that upon delivery, it won’t fit up the stairs to the bedroom. One too many corners, apparently, so we sent it back and are waiting for the nice new $2000 queen sized bed. I think we will find the space limiting, but neither of us would settle for (another) shitty king bed that basically folds in half to fit up the stairs. Oh, and we weren’t willing to spend $4000 on a latex bed. Sigh!! In 5 years when we can afford our 20 year house, we’ll be able to afford a bigger bed again. :)

    So, my advice is to get rid of the TV in the bedroom.

  6. I don’t know if our room would actually fit a king sized bed .. and removing the TV won’t make any room, since it’s perched atop the dresser we share. If we took out all the furniture (a dresser, a wardrobe and a bookshelf), *maybe* – but we just bought a fancy new mattress last year (I think; I’d have to check my archives) so shelling out for a new bedframe+mattress makes me go ow. :(

  7. Me too .. but the TV is so rarely on. I use it to watch things while Ed is hogging the living room during hockey season, or to catch up on mindless cartoons while putting away laundry – we don’t lie in bed staring at the TV instead of talking (that’s what the DS’s are for) :D

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