When Procter & Gamble bought Clairol in 2001, one of the first things that went away was the signature “gives you orgasms!” marketing campaign of the Herbal Essence shampoo line. On one hand, I was glad – it was frankly annoying to hear fake orgasms every commercial break during prime time. The flip side, however, is that I suddenly find myself in possession of 26 bottles of Herbal Essence shampoo – and NOW I miss all those orgasms.

I will have the cleanest hair EVER, even if I have to make my own orgasms.

I am not greedy, though. I will share my orgasms. If you would like to try some fancy new Herbal Essence shampoo and you are in Canada, let me know – I will send you a coupon for a free bottle. If I had less class I would stage some sort of orgasm-related contest, but .. frankly, I just do not want to go there.

I know, write me a haiku. If you want free shampoo, write me a haiku about orgasms. First 14 entries can email me their address, and I will pop a coupon in the mail for you.

And .. go.

There’s a deep and meaningful art display in the window of a snowboard shop in West Vancouver. It seems an artist is Making a Statement with his sculpture – it’s a peace symbol, made of plastic guns and grenades.

.. except the artist didn’t place the downward stroke of the peace symbol. Instead of a peace symbol, he made the Mercedes logo. Out of plastic guns. And called it “Peace”.

He could potentially be making a multi-layered statement about cars and guns and consumerism, but it is much more hilarious to think that he plain fucked up and no one caught it.

Puzzle Quest: Galactrix is not as good as the predecessor. This is unfortunate, and makes me go “boooooo” because I was really looking forward to the sequel only to discover it’s kind of stinky. I may have to set it aside for now and tackle Dragon Quest V instead – I want to finish it before Grand Theft Auto: Chinatown Wars comes out, and the launch date is in two short weeks. It’s a good thing I have no life whatsoever, because I have a lot of video games I need to finish.

I am attempting Rainbow Sock Tuesday again, this time without toes. The last experiment ended sort of badly – I had a terrible Tuesday, and I got really sick – but I have hopes today will be better. My socks are jolly. How can today not be excellent?

I just came to a very unsettling conclusion that does not bode well for my future.