My beloved second-hand yellow and purple Fluevogs are in dire straights – the heart-shaped heels are broken and keep coming off. Clearly, my only option is to buy some brand new Fluevogs!

Actually, I really want THESE. And these. In fact, I could get them both for less than the price of a new pair of Fluevogs and then I would be the coolest girl in the universe.

How horribly tempting.

WOW – check out this bouquet of “flowers” my co-worker just got!

SO AWESOME! His wife sent it to him for their first anniversary, so not only is it super tasty it is cute as all hell. Jealous! Totally want a surprise chocolate-dipped strawberry delivery!

My performance review is in 4 short hours, and I am nervous. I am, however, dressed for success:

• New bra with good luck rhinestones
• Non-hobo jeans
• Fancy shoes with a heel
• Gold makeup (encourages additional wealth) instead of noxious green (encourages toxic waste)
• Write up of work completed in the last year
• Relatively hidden cleavage
• Impressed noises made by the AVP (annoying vice president and/or alien vs predator) when discussing my views on documentation before training (it’s basically like sex before marriage – awesome, useful, and should be mandatory)

I hate waiting for my inevitable doom.