I damn well learned my lesson last time, so before I start today’s post I would like to make a Public Service Announcement:

Suicide is not funny. It is serious business. If you or someone you know is thinking about committing suicide, please please please get help. There are excellent support systems set up in every corner of the world – in Vancouver, you can call the BC Crisis Center at 604-872-3311, or 1.800.SUICIDE from anywhere in BC.

Okay, that should keep the bad karma at bay:

Back in December of last year, I was alarmed to see mysterious black bundles with ominous antennae affixed to the Lions Gate Bridge. My inner conspiracy theorist was further dismayed to note that someone had taken the time to add police tape that said “ALL CLEAR” to each bundle. I did not buy it – all clear my ASS. We were going to get exploded. Any day now.

It’s 6 months later, and as you might be aware, we are not exploded. In fact, the black bundles were unwrapped this week, and this is what’s inside:

So you see, there’s no reason to worry. We’re not going to explode at all! And if you’re going to jump off the bridge, here’s a phone so you can tell someone you’re about to do it!

The instant I saw these, I laughed. I admit it; I’m probably going to hell. I can’t help it though – suicide and suicide prevention have a very special place in my heart due to that whole thing with the comma. When I told my entire high school to go kill themselves via the school newspaper, all I had to do was black out the offending (and unintentional, honest) sentence, listen to an hour long speech over the PA system about how suicide is not the answer, and attend an assembly about not killing yourself (your problems are temporary! Suicide is permanent!). I can’t even *begin* to imagine the magnitude of the fuckup someone committed to require the installation of anti-suicide phones – it makes my missing comma look like a playful kitten batting at some string.

Remember, suicide: not funny. I’m just a terrible person who finds humour in the most inappropriate of places.

However, accidental suicide is hilarious (yet tragic). Auto-erotic asphyxiation never fails to send me off into spasms of laughter because it’s just so .. so .. ridiculous. I’m sorry. It just is.

It also doesn’t help that I find the similarities between the Crisis Center logo and the ICBC logo to be striking and very funny.

Thanks to Josh (who I am told was NOT thinking about jumping off the bridge, he was just walking over it) for the pictures!