Why do all my brilliant schemes involve self- flagellation in one form or another?

I am Stressed the Fuck Out about homes and ceilings and money and all those other awesome things that have aged me more in the last 45 days than anything done in my wild formative years. I am worried that we won’t find anything that suits us, and worried that we will end up settling for things that aren’t perfect in the name of panic and jealousy.

In my near-constant stalking of MLS for new listings, I’ve seen several places that have piqued my interest, only to note that some sneaky sumbitch is selling units in a building that won’t be completed until 2010. This annoyed me almost as much as the listings for buildings that are 55+ (but don’t mention it until you’re three paragraphs in and calling your realtor), but then I started thinking: why *can’t* we potentially buy into a place that won’t be finished until next year?

I asked around on Twitter, and several people answered my most pressing question: how do you pay for such a place? I was worried that you would be responsible for making mortgage payments on a place you don’t live in as well as paying rent, but apparently that is not so: you make a down payment, and then you wait. Once you take possession, you start paying the mortgage you’ve already obtained at a pre-approved rate for a pre-approved amount and everything is super.

Think about it: a brand spanking new building with a shiny new suite in outfitted with our choice of either “Sun Kissed Pine” or “New Hampshire Mauve” colour schemes, surrounded by people who are just as new to the building as we would be and are therefore more likely to be careful with the property and surroundings? Having a warranty? Getting some sort of tax credit or rebate or exemption for buying new? Having sex where no one has ever had sex before (except for maybe randy construction men but let’s face it that’s totally hot)?

I’m aroused with both interest AND homo-erotic fantasies.

As with all my magnificent ideas, there are pros and cons to both buying new or pre-owned; things I’m probably not even thinking of: construction delays, funding issues, things being built on Indian burial grounds, etc. None of these, as terrifying as they can be, are even remotely close to the insurmountable scale of the most staggering issue of all:

I would have to WAIT.

I *hate* waiting. I lie awake at night filled with insomnia and angst because I am not already moving into my own home. A wait of this magnitude may very well kill me right in two, and then where would we be? We can’t afford a place large enough for all my many pieces should I completely lose it while rotting away in the Ghetto of North Vancouver. A wait like this would drive me COMPLETELY INSANE and there would be not a thing I could do about it.

Which, instead of deterring me like it would a normal person, actually makes me want to try it, for science: would I be able to contain myself for that long without exploding?

Should we look into buying new? I simply don’t know.

Pros:

• New! Shiny and new!
• Warranties!
• While we wait, we’d be saving scads of money!
• We’d have more to choose from!

Cons:

• Things could go wrong
• We might agree to something we would regret but be unable to get out
• Scary; I have no idea what we’d be in for
• I WOULD HAVE TO WAIT

Oh, there is much to think about.

I can’t stop reading episode details for The Twilight Zone. It made for a spooky commute yesterday – I half expected something otherworldly to happen, like getting on to a Seabus with hundreds of copies of myself (terrifying to consider) or being told that I don’t actually exist or waking up to discover that I’m William Shatner seeing Hitler ripping wires out of the airplane wing at 20,000 feet.

There is nothing for me to say today. I am tired of being tired at our apartment and the house hunt and the rain. I tried to ask Twitter for suggestions, but everyone suggested the same thing: scooters in the rain! I haven’t been able to ride in weeks – I don’t own enough rain gear to keep me dry in storm season – so Lola is parked out back with the other 5 bikes, waiting for spring. That’s it. That is hardly an update at all, let alone an interesting one.

Do my work for me: what should I write about?