Just went to the UK. Was great. Not here to talk about that: I’m going to detail my crimes, and then explain how I plan to get away with even more dastardly crimes in the future like the monologuing villain I aspire to be.
Quick backstory: I’m 90% Diet Coke; one of those Diet Coke people. “Is Pepsi okay?” no sir or maam it is not and normally you would be dead to me but I actually brought my own Diet Coke because of scenarios just like this so away with you and your carbonated filth tyvm.
Seemingly random tangent that becomes important later: American-style fast food chains are taking over the UK, and the prices are the same, regardless of currency: so the $4.50 you pay for a fountain drink on Main Street USA becomes £4.50 on High Street UK. Throw in some currency conversion and the drink is now $5.95 USD, or $8.48 Canadian for 20oz/591ml of Diet Coke that is mostly ice.
That’s bullshit.
Enter: CRIME
While self-serve soft drinks have gone the way of all good things in North America (removed due to abuse), it’s still the model in the UK. To avoid going broke because of my Diet Coke consumption, I just .. got refills. I’d walk into a place with self-serve drinks and refill my paper cup or steel tumbler and go about my happy way. Pay for a drink at one Five Guys, finish it, and then refill at the next Five Guys (like I said: it’s a take over, they’re everywhere). Walk into a McDonald’s or BK, fill up my cup, and leave. CRIME! I DO IT ALL THE TIME!
I really did pay for a drink at one place before refilling it wildly at others, though. To do otherwise would be stealing, which is a much worse crime: refills are free, and I am refilling the drink that I bought earlier, and from somewhere else. The point is, someone got paid for my drink. That is important.
My justifications didn’t really stop the guilt, and I probably called extra attention to myself by trying to be “sneaky”. It was easier when I reused a paper cup because no one would look twice, but the cups are garbage and don’t hold up to extended use. As a noble eco-warrior I obviously carry a reusable cup with me everywhere, but it visibly isn’t a store cup so I could be set upon by security guards and the Queen’s men during my spree. This causes me worry, so I’ve come up with a Plan.
No, the Plan isn’t to stop stealing or to give up Diet Coke. Yes, the Plan is overly complicated and stupid which is why I love it.
THE PLAN: I’m going to find some white cup sleeves, and I’m going to use my Cricut to make them look like commercial fountain soda cups. I’ll dress my own cups in a McDonald’s sleeve, then swap it for a Five Guys sleeve or a Burger King sleeve, and keep myself hydrated at a reasonable price. If cup sleeves are not a thing that exist, I will just get reusable white cups and decal them to resemble the store’s cups. It’s win-win (for me, not the store)! I’m taking back from The Man! I am Fighting the Power; Raging Against the Machine!
I realize that outing myself as a hardened criminal might lose me some followers, but that is a risk I am willing to take. I get thirsty, and Diet Coke is basically my emotional support drink, so this is just my way of getting accommodations I need without troubling anyone or spending $8.50×10 a day. Plus, crafty project time! I haven’t made an enormous mess of my supplies in quite a while, and winter is coming. Time to hunker down and get busy with glue sticks and glitter.
Okay, back to my months of silence. Drive slow, check the water, free Palestine.
