As zero hour approaches, I find myself filled with buckets of trepidation. I’m really dreading this doctor appointment tomorrow afternoon. Very few good things can come from being called in to discuss your test results – it’s not like she’s planning on sitting me down and saying “you know, you really do have a beautiful cervix. Have you ever thought about modeling?” I’m trying not to let my overactive and slightly melodramatic imagination take over, but I’m rapidly losing ground. Now I’m just trying to decide what kind of horrible disease I’m going to be diagnosed with. Cancer? SIX cancers? Nasal herpes? Discombobulated fallopia? Congenital ankylosing spondylitis? Luminescent vulvodynia? I’m so screwed.
All this excellent hypochondria isn’t even taking into account the blood work I had done last week; the results of which are undoubtedly in her hands now. They ran the full gambit* on me, checking for the presence of cholesterol and blood mites and parasitic cell formations all named Stan – all of which I am sure to have in abundance. I’m doomed. DOOMED, I tell you. I wonder if you get to choose an outfit to be cremated in.
Feed my paranoia: what do you think I’m infected with? What vaginal verdict will be handed down? Which disease will reign supreme?
delicious juice dot com 
honeymooner’s cystitis.
I KNOW the correct word is usually “gamut” – but they didn’t run the gamut on me; they ran a Marvel superhero from Louisiana named Remy LeBeau on me. So there.
You’re secretly pregnant because you want to be my belly buddy.
I have fairly recent evidence to the contrary! NO BABIES!
Chances are, she’s playing the trick my parent’s doctor likes to play. “Come in to discuss results” and they come in and he says “Your results look great. Thanks for coming in!” and charges Healthcare for a visit. Either way, hope all is well.
I wish my doctor would even send me for tests! Here’s hoping it’s a doctor looking to score an extra MSP billing off of you.
The freaking waiting for results can be so horrible. Sending good thoughts your way as you wait. Just remember the tests are far more sensitive than they used to be–I had three or four abnormals that apparently were because of a yeast infection before they finally got one that was okay again.
Hee! My doctor actually has complimented my cervix… but in the midst of an exam, not in a callback. It sounds weird, but she’s awesome, so somehow it wasn’t.
Good luck!
my money is on 5 types of AIDS, u go dee!