I am not the most patient of girls, and every second I go without informative email makes me vibrate with angst – what if they’ve changed their mind? What if my request for incidental coverage pushed them over the edge? What if the Soul Sucker found out about my imminent return and put a stop to my unmarketable fat girl groove? Oh, stress. I like it much better when I’m not completely freaking out.

I tend to not mention my travels until I have all the details in my grubby little hands, but I need to do SOMETHING while I’m waiting for info so I will just spill the beans: I am going to Las Vegas next month to attend the 2007 Consumer Electronics Show.

I’m excited enough about going to the CES, but for me the real thrill is that Creative asked me to come back for a second year to provide commentary for the Fatal1ty shootouts that run throughout the event at the Creative Labs booth. This is the first time I’ve been asked back to do coverage, and I almost broke my neck with delight when I received the email asking me to work with them again (I went flying downstairs to tell Ed, who was at Josh’s place, and my pants were too long and I almost tripped on them causing death). I really did have a blast working with Creative last year, and I’m annoyingly beyond giddy at a) the chance to work with them again, and b) being asked *back*. They liked me! They really liked me!

As usual though, I’m also spending a lot of my time freaking out. I still don’t have hotel information, and have convinced myself that I’m going to have to sleep under the booth and shower in the Bellagio fountains. I asked for incidental funds this year because last year it wasn’t negotiated and I had a hard time coming up with the money to cover taxi and transit fares, let alone the occasional meal I ate. Logic tells me they will pay me for my work, since they did last year – but until get confirmation, I will assume otherwise and worry about it since I have to take a week off from work to do this gig and I don’t have paid vacation time.

That would be enough stress for anyone, but I’ve only just begun to delve into my large sack of mental issues:

I get serious performance anxiety when I have to cast, and terrible stage fright until I’m in the zone. I’ve thrown up with nervousness before, and I know I’ll be spending time between now and January 8th with my stomach in knots for fear that I will suck and make a total ass of myself.

THEN! Because that is just NOT ENOUGH ANGST FOR ME! There’s MORE:

You can’t market Mama Cass! CES 2006 was the event where my high from doing a great job and all the wonderful praise it brought me came to a crashing and crushing low, courtesy of someone who does not work for Creative Labs. I will undoubtedly be interacting with this person again, and the very thought of it fills me with every emotion an actor can display: fear, loathing, anger, scorn, various negative thoughts about myself, the urge to wear nothing but brown leaves. I will smile pretty and make nice because that is the professional thing to do, but it will also be a struggle to keep from a) punching him (not likely) and b) hating myself (very likely) because I know what they think of me. So many conflicting scary emotions, capped off with a whipped topping of delight – and all because one person chooses to judge me based on my cover and not the contents within.

I win, though – Creative asked me *back*. :D