My friend Concrete (I love the internet – I have no idea what his real name is; he’s just “Concrete”. I think maybe it’s John, or maybe Steve) had a truly excellent idea, one that I think needs to be shared with everyone:

[GGL-con`reedz] i think we need a game called Sim Asshole
[GGL-con`reedz] lets you act out all your assholish fantasies
[GGL-con`reedz] without the risk of being an actual asshole in real life :o

See, that’s just great. A game where you get points for being a total jerk by doing the things that everyone else seems to have no problem doing but you for some reason missed out on by not being raised in that barn. I personally would love to drive a giant SUV while talking on my cell phone and eating a sandwich all at the same time – in the game, that would get me extra points for not only being an asshole, but also endangering others. Double bonus points if there are small children in the car, and triple bonus for a small yappy dog on my lap. Want to take your three kids under the age of 5 to see Saw III? Sure! Invite all your drunken friends over for a Wednesday night party? Why not! Order a burger at a restaurant and throw it all over the restaurant instead of eating it – you have to! It’s Sim Asshole! Get your copy today!

Sometimes I like to pretend I am Nancy Drew. I always envied her; weird things would happen to/around her all the time and instead of having perfectly reasonable explanations – the message in the hollow oak was a warning about the devastating effects of clear cutting; the hidden staircase was behind a curtain; the secret in the attic was asbestos – it would always turn out to be some fabulous mystery that would lead to untold adventure and intrigue. Strange things happen to me all the time, but it rarely turns out to be a true mystery that needs some sleuthing. That doesn’t mean I’ve given up hope, though – one day I’ll stumble upon a real mystery to solve with my good friends George the Tomboy and Bess the Fatty, and we’ll get into some danger that requires some manly rescuing by my dashing beau Ned and/or handsome attorney father Carson. It’ll be awesome.

Oh, and last night as I was trying to fall asleep there was some creepy harmonica music coming from somewhere outside. The Phantom Harmonica – I smell a mystery!

Or, as is far more likely, our neighbour is practicing up a new instrument for the start of the Drum Circle Season. Maybe someone will kidnap him, though. I can still hope for mystery!

It’s Tuesday, and my plastic bag count for the week is still zero!