My ice stinks. It must be time to change the Arm and Hammer, because that unpleasant smell coming from my Diet Coke is definitely not adding to the overall experience. Can you tell I’m extra hormonal this week? Two updates in a row about things that smell bad is not normal.
There is nothing new at the Space Station. We have several new people, not enough chairs, and most of the Space Board – in fact, all but one person – are spread out around the world, on business trips. I was right in being skeptical (naïve) about the June 1st Real Boy date, since it has come and gone with nary a word from anyone in the know. I rocked the boat again, vocally refusing to sign papers until I had been told anything about the change. We were actually told that we weren’t SUPPOSED to sign anything; the paperwork had been given out prematurely and we would have a meeting “soon” to talk about what the status change means for us.
Well, Space President is gone for at least two weeks and Space Lawyer is gone for a month. Perhaps they meant the Real Boy date was June 1st of 2008? Either way, there’s no update and no chance for vacation for me. I have to take some time off to help my mom move, which means I won’t get paid. It is awesome. Hooray!
Speaking of vacation, I have a question to ask the internet: for those of you in relationships, how do you handle vacations?
I ask because Ed and I are butting heads over this very issue. Here is the background, because I so sorely love to tell stories:
Ed gets two weeks of vacation every year. He uses one day for his birthday, one for mine, and 2-3 for our anniversary. That leaves 5 days, which he takes in July – and this is where the problem comes in.
Ed plans a solo vacation. Every year in July, he goes to Edmonton and Calgary for a total of 10 days – leaves on a Saturday morning, returns two Mondays later. He drives, meaning I am without a car. I also cannot go with him, because I don’t have vacation time of my own. Every year this comes up, and every year we fight about it and we are at an impasse.
My theory: it is unfair of Ed to plan a solo vacation every year, given that we’ve been together for ten years and married for 5. It is not fair to leave me without the car for ten days, because there are some places I cannot scoot to. To me, it seems that I get the “leftovers” of his vacation time; a day here and there that we can occasionally do a long weekend road trip, but no real trip away to anywhere because his solo road trip takes priority. While I don’t have real, paid vacation time, I can arrange my workload to go away for a few days for a trip of our own. I do like Edmonton, but as I have to choose my time away very carefully, I am less than enthused to use my only “vacation” to hang out at his parent’s house for a week doing what we did almost every weekend while dating.
Ed’s theory: It’s his vacation time, and he should be able to use it how he likes. I don’t get vacation of my own, so why should he not go away for 10 days just because I can’t? As for the car, well, I have a scooter so it’s not that big a deal. His Edmonton “vacation” isn’t really a vacation; he’s going home to see his parents. He planned out his vacation at the beginning of the year, and it was okay then so why not now.
What I want:
- to plan a trip for the two of us to take
- his parents to visit us for a change
- Ed to stop using half (or more) of his paid vacation time on a solo road trip, instead perhaps planning a flight back home for an extended weekend once or twice a year
- Ed to get his goddamn passport so we could plan a trip somewhere outside of Canada
What Ed wants:
- me to come to Edmonton
- me to stop complaining about his solo trip to Edmonton, seeing as how I’m invited
- me to stop nagging him about his goddamn passport
- a nap
There’s more to it, of course. This year, my mom is moving and needs our help. I have to take some time off to do this, so I have to choose between not getting paid so I can go to Edmonton and hang out, or not getting paid so I can go to Victoria and help my mother move. There is also the underlying anger I have over Ed’s inability to get his passport – I’ve been trying to plan an anniversary vacation for us for a year now, since this September is our Five Slash Ten – fifth wedding anniversary, and tenth anniversary as a couple. It’s a big deal, and I wanted us to go somewhere epic to celebrate – Mexico, or New York, or .. anywhere, as long as it’s new and adventurous. Ed, however, still does not have his passport. I found a backup celebration plan that I am admittedly looking forward to, but it doesn’t negate my overwhelming disappointment in Ed for ruining this for me.
Overall though, it’s Ed’s solo vacation and my struggling with understanding his need to use his vacation time to go home for ten days that is the issue here. I always thought vacation was something couples do together, and instead I feel like an afterthought to Ed’s own plans – he’s going, and I’m welcome to tag along if I wish and can figure out how to make it happen.
So, internet, this is OUR question to you: who is being more unreasonable? Ed, for planning and taking a solo vacation, or me for not being more understanding about it?
delicious juice dot com 
Ed is being unreasonable because his solo vacation is too long. Five days to visit his parents would be perfectly fine. Ten days is way too long and leaves nothing for you. Feel free to resent the hell out of it.
I’m coming out for two weeks in the summer and leaving Damian at home. However, that’s just ’cause we’re broke and can’t afford two plane tickets. :)
Ed is being a dick. I disagree that he can just take off for ten days, but if he does choose to do that, YOU get to keep the car. He can fly, he can rent a car if he needs one…it is not okay for your husband to leave you STRANDED for ten days. He also needs to get his passport, and if he can’t suck it up and get one, why don’t YOU take a fabulous vacation to somewhere awesome- after all, it’s not YOUR problem if he could not get his shit together and fill out some papers, right? He gets to take solo vacations…why can’t you?
Apparently, I’m bitter over a life that is not even my own. :)
NOT COOL. Being married does not have to mean attached at the hip, but it means taking the other person’s needs and feelings and wants into account, not just fucking off when one feels so inclined.
Kick his ass. Hell, I might just fly out there and do it myself. Lordy.
While it’s true that Ed doesn’t need to be attached to your hip, it’s also true that he doesn’t need to be attached to his Mama’s apron-string for 10 days. Boy needs to take a grown-up vacation!
While he’s gone, bring home a puzu…kidding, sort of.
I’d be choked, too, if my hubby didn’t make time for a vacation for us!
Ed is being unreasonable, not to mention selfish. Add thoughtless in there, too.
Ed needs to cut waaaaaay back on the ‘me!’ vacation time. A long weekend? Understandable. But 10 days to go hang with Mommy? Leaving his wife at home? Uh, NO.
Being a married grownup also includes taking your partner’s needs/wants into account. Ed needs to join the married grownup club, pronto.
Ed also needs to get off his ass and get his passport. (See ‘thoughtless’.)
Actually, I think Ed’s company is the one being unreasonable, only giving him two weeks of vacation a year.
(I get two weeks plus one day a year, and that’s definitely not enough).
What’s the hold up on the passport? If he can afford the gas for the drive home, he can pony up the 80 bucks for the passport and the 10 bucks for the pictures. I’m sure he has an P.Engineer geek friend somewhere to sign the photos. Pop into mail box and wait your ass off for a few months. Not too tricky. I say tell him to get the job done or you won’t give him sex. (Sorry to penalize you…) :)>
What they said. It’s lovely that as a grown adult he has a decent enough relationship with his folks to be able to stand more than three days in their company — no wait, it’s more like strange. It’s strange, but it’s not wholly a bad thing. However, the fact that he’d rather spend ALL his vacation with them rather than see something new is … I’m at a loss. Has he no sense of adventure? You have a big sense of adventure. Big. This is kind of a huge incompatibility. You can work around it, you just have to decide what’s equitable.
1. What’s Ed’s side of the story? I wouldn’t accept that as reasonable from a person I married, then again I wouldn’t marry someone who considered that reasonable (talk about circular). But really, what’s his motivation behind wanting the trip – what’s his payoff? Is there another way he can get that result and you guys have have some “together” vacation?
2. You condone what you accept. (Yes you fight, and he wins. He keeps winning so he keeps assuming he is right.) If he’s been doing this trip for the past number of years, it’s reasonable he’d expect to do it again. The fights about it are just part of the process of going now, like packing. It’s going to be a tough slog pounding it through his head that you have NEVER liked it and would like it to stop. He’ll also probably be pretty resentful. It will suck.
3. Where is the compromise? Apparently that is what this marriage thing is supposed to be about (with full disclosure that I am merely living in sin, and not yet married). But seriously – there is a lot of “his way, my way” that seems to be going on from both parties. Where is “our way” – where is the joy in making the other person happy?
There is obviously a bigger problem to be addressed here.
And (my $0.02) withholding sex and other ultimatums are childish ways of addressing problems. Give a childish response, expect a childish reaction.
What the hell? Long weekend, sure. Half his damn vacation time meaning you guys can never do a big trip together? Eff no.
Welcome to being an adult in a committed relationship based on respect, sharing, and compromise, pal.
Thanks all for the comments – keep ’em coming. I actually ran this post by Ed before I put it up, so he knows and is okay with the things I said (with the possible exception of my saying it’s his “theory” – however, everything I said under “his” section is what was in our conversation last night.
gillian: he gets three weeks starting next year; the way things are going now I will probably be in the same “no vacation” boat
Lola: re the passport – he just won’t. I’ve asked why. I’ve begged, I’ve pleaded, I’ve demanded, I’ve yelled, I’ve cajoled, I’ve asked, I’ve ignored, I’ve done everything short of committing fraud by filling out his application for him and faking the picture + necessary signatures – he just won’t. He doesn’t know why. There’s no real reason, there’s nothing stopping him. He just .. won’t.
Jen: Last year I compromised and flew out to Edmonton for the weekend so I could drive back with him. He wants me to do that again, but I am dragging my feet for two reasons: I do not approve of this entire thing to begin with, and my mom needs my help to move. I feel like I’m doing a lot of compromise on my part – I made it work in previous years, I understand his need to go home and have offered suggestions as to how it could work, I came up with an alternate plan for our anniversary after it became obvious the passport would not materialize. That’s just me, though. Maybe they’re not compromises at all.
I will invite Ed to read the comments and give him the chance to respond.
1. He should definitely leave you the car. No question. Stranded is not cool, scooters can’t handle everything.
2. He can also spend less time with his parents, for chrissake, especially if you need the time to go deal with your side of the family. Or at the very least, you shouldn’t HAVE to go along visiting his parents every time.
3. Also, suck it up on the passport.
This whole thing seems very passive-aggressive to me. I’m not against him using some vacation days on his own when you can’t join him, but he shouldn’t use them ALL up.
Okay, just saw Kimli’s response. Well, I guess he absolutely doesn’t want to leave the country if he refuses to do the passport for “no reason.” He has a reason- he doesn’t wanna. He’s just being p/a again and not outright saying it.
Unfortunately, you can’t force him if he’s totally frigging refusing. Might as well book a trip to Mexico by yourself then. What’s good for the gander is good for the goose, and you shouldn’t be forced to stay in Canada forever just because he refuses to leave it.
I figure I’ll step in at this point… the gallery is getting a tad restless.
I moved away from Alberta with Kim to be closer to her family (not the only reason, but a very important one). All of my childhood friends are still there, as well as the majority of my closer friends considering I spent 25+ years living there. I’m an only child and have a fantastic relationship with my parents and cousin so seeing them is the main reason for the visit, but not the only one. There is also a newly developed work element to the trip. The area that I provide service to is the Prairies and I’ve been invited by some of our more important brokers to attend bbqs and whatnot just to get the chance to meet them in an informal setting.
Kim’s got a scooter, so she wouldn’t be stranded. We also have a friend in the building with a car. What was hoped when I was booking the days off (with Kim on the phone) was that I would leave on a certain date, and then she would fly and meet me there, spending 3 or 4 days with me (out of the 8), and then taking the drive back home through the rockies with me. That way she wouldn’t have to forfeit more salary than she had to, but she could still get away for a bit. They’re her parents and her friends, too.
I’ve never thought or felt “it’s my vacation, I’ll do what I want” – it’s the only time annually that I plan to see my family, and they look forward to the visit because Kim and I are very important to them. I’d be taking 4 out of my 10 vacation days for this trip. 4 more for our anniversary, one for my birthday and one for hers. Not that it’s any of your business, but some of the comments are a tad off the mark.
I don’t quite understand the hostility – I get the fact that you all like Kim and are quick to come to her defense, but give it a little thought before you get your knickers in a knot. You like her, but I love her.
With regards to the passport thing? Chalk that up to me being an idiot.. I can’t really defend myself when it comes to the lack of activity on that front.
Seacrest out.
Married two years, together for five, love traveling. You definitely have the right to expect more “give” from Ed, but as some folks have already said, the bigger problem is that your views about this are so fundamentally different. It’s important to deal with the fact that you want to see the world (or at least the continent) and he is so indifferent or opposed to it he won’t even give himself the tools to do so. It’s important to deal with the fact that Ed thinks his vacation time “belongs to him,” and you think you ought to plan time off jointly. I mean, it can’t feel at all good that he doesn’t seem to want to arrange things so you can have more time exploring new places and doing fun stuff together. For me, some of these issues would be deal-breakers in terms of compatibility. They’re obviously not for you, but they’re still pretty darned big. He doesn’t get to say “this is your pet peeve, stop nagging me about it.” You’re married, you’re having a profound disagreement, it’s both of your problems.
:-(
P.S. I commented while Ed was posting — sorry if I’m one of those who is “off the mark,” but I hope at least I wasn’t hostile. What are we going to do? It’s Kim’s blog, we can only respond to what she says.
I’m aware that my site is a one-way method of airing our dirty laundry, which is why I made sure Ed was in on this post from word one.
The fact that Ed now wants to do some business on the trip is news to me; this was never brought up before and if anything it makes me even more wary of going to Edmonton – what, exactly, would I be doing while you were schmoozing with clients?
Saturday June 30th to Monday July 9th is ten days, not eight. You are using five days of vacation time, but will be gone for ten days total.
Our anniversary has gone from four days worth of your vacation to two, because you do not have a passport.
You love me, but they are more objective and have their own experiences with this issue that I am asking to hear.
Here’s a fun, new word.. compromise? :P Why does it have to be one or another?
I mean, why not arrange to go to Edmonton [and Calgary, after all, there are some of us who still live here who still love you guys, you know! They didn’t all vacate when Shan and Josh left :D] for a shorter time, but together? That way everyone gets what they want [more or less] and no one can bitch and moan.
Or, Kim, is it that you don’t really want to go to Edmonton at all?
And if that isn’t possible, what about weekends away? Just arranging for weekends alone that aren’t necessarily a trip to Victoria. BC is pretty. It has nice places to visit. ;)
There are always solutions.
Regarding the passport thing, well, while I don’t understand not having your passport [Sorry, Ed! :) It’s silly! :D], Canada is a pretty freaking amazing country that I am sure neither of you have fully, completely explored yet.
Oh, and to answer the actual question, I actually think you are both being unreasonable.
Sentient beings always are. :)
I do want to see people, and I do like Edmonton – it’s just that since this is usually my ONLY vacation of the year, I’d like it to be somewhere new and exciting! I also have an issue with his parents never coming to visit us; but that’s for another time ..
I agree that Canada is awesome and I would love to explore it more – except it’s cheaper to fly to friggin’ London than it is to Montreal (which is where I want to go) ! Plus, we had been talking about this for some time now and I thought we agreed to try going somewhere new for our anniversary!
Oh, no no, I completely get the need to travel internationally. I mean, dude, you know me! :) I guess I was just suggesting travel in Canada if there was still an issue with passports.
Ed, please go get a passport. Even if you NEVER use it. It would just make me feel better. ;) You never know when you might been to make a quick escape outta the country!
Not to nitpick, but I would be leaving on Saturday the 30th and returning Sunday the 9th. That is 9 days, two of which are travel days. My bad.
7 days of actual “vacation” with 4 of those being booked holiday. July 2 is a stat.
The work thing would be done before you came out, at the beginning of the trip so as not to inconvenience you at all. I did it last year when I visited one of our Alpha clients and got taken out for lunch. Others that found out I was there and didn’t visit are bugging me to drop by this time around.
Oh, and Calgary has always been part of the trip, too.. :)
The 9th is a Monday.
Also, and this has been an issue since the beginning, I don’t care what you have planned for this year – the problem is your need to have a solo vacation at all. I and other people have suggested that maybe you could fly out once or twice a year to see your friends and parents, but it always comes back to your ten-day road trip that is inevitably taken by yourself because you won’t budge and I’ve exhausted all my options.
I’ve never had the Monday off. I meant Sunday the 8th. Like I emailed you, if I have to shorten the trip I will.
All right, my two cents. Although note that I’m both single and really suck at relationships. The two are only slightly related.
Honestly, I can’t imagine only visiting my parents for a week or so once a year, so I totally get where Ed’s coming from on this. Even when I lived in Victoria, I insisted on going back to Vancouver to see my friends & family as often as possible… and my fiance at the time could suck it up if he didn’t like it. (On the upside, it was rarely a problem. We moved so we could be closer to his friends & family, the least he could do was not throw a fuss when it was time for me to see mine.) While I was fully willing to move to Victoria, that didn’t mean that my family became any less important to me.
Being stranded without a car: No sympathy here. Vancouver (North Van, too) has an excellent transit system. I sold my truck four years ago and so far haven’t died once! I have, however, contributed far less pollution to our fair city. A week without a car really shouldn’t be a huge hardship.
It seems to me that Ed is already compromising — half his vacation (5 days) goes towards time with Kimli, the other half goes towards visiting his family & friends — for which he hopes Kimli can make it out for as well. I totally don’t get the lack of passport (weirdo. Go get it done already! Well, maybe wait for the lineups to decrease…) but in the meantime, use the other 5 days for Ed & Kimli time. Decide between the two of you if he should continue taking birthdays & anniversaries off, or maybe save up all five days so you guys can take a nifty road trip together or something. But Ed’s totally entitled to spending at least half his vacation time with his family, whether or not Kimli chooses to join him.
Both of you clearly value your relationships with your families. Kimli, if the situations were reversed — if your mom was in Edmonton and Ed’s was local, your mom was reluctant to travel, and you had the extra vacation time to burn — how much time do you think you’d be spending travelling to see her?
If you’re not disputing Ed’s comment above that the proximity to your family was a big factor in the move to Alberta, I think you have to cut him some slack when he chooses to spend his extra time off going to see his own family and his hometown friends.
And Ed, seriously man, you have to get your passport. It takes so little effort and it would make your wife so happy. It does make you look inconsiderate not to have gotten one despite her requests.
RakE — I surely don’t have the whole story here, but from what you’ve written, I have to ask: why do Kimli’s wishes seem not to count? Yeah, you want to see your friends and family; everyone does. And it sounds like you get your way about this .all. .the. .time. Forgive those of us in “the gallery” with our “knickers in a knot” if this seems somehow less than loving.
People also sometimes want to go to places they’ve never seen. Can’t you indulge this wish for her, even a little? How many years did she live in Alberta to be near you, away from her own parents? You’re not the only one who’s made sacrifices for your relationship. Would it kill you to go to Mexico?
I lived in Calgary for 2562 days, or seven years and five days.
I wanted to move back to BC a) because I hated Calgary, and b) to be closer to my dad before he died.
I am not close to my mother, but if our (my and Ed’s) situations were reversed, I would put a foot down and insist upon a reciprocal visit – especially this year, given that we as a couple are needed elsewhere during that time frame.
I do not oppose the idea of Ed (or the both of us) going to Edmonton to visit .. I just don’t see why it can’t be for a weekend, or for a shorter duration, or why it has to be my only vacation during the year, or why Ed has to go off on his own for 10 days each year.
It took an unbelievable amount of effort to get Ed on board the “moving to BC” idea – in fact, it took me over three years. In the end, I set a date and said “I’m going – come with me, or don’t”, and made my own plans. I had hoped to avoid using that tactic again, but perhaps it’s time to just worry about myself and what I want.
This is just my .02, and I’m no therapist or counselor or anything and I don’t even play one on TV, but I think you’re kind of combining a lot of issues here, and the vacation is just the focal point for a bunch of things.
He has more vacation than you do, correct? So this isn’t him going on vacation by himself instead of taking the opportunity to travel with you, but rather going back to his hometown with those extra days.
If you resent that he’s taking the time to go to Edmonton in one big stretch, how would you prefer he spend the extra days, assuming that if he stays in town, he’ll be hanging around while you are workingl? Does the fact that he goes to Edmonton with the “extra time” preclude you from also going away together at some point during the year with the vacation time that you have?
You may not like how Ed handles his relationship with his family (i.e. by not insisting on reciprocal visits), but that’s a whole other issue. To some extent, that is what it is. If his parents won’t travel, he kind of does need to go to them to maintain the relationship, and it isn’t like this is a spur of the moment trip. Why is this particular event causing you so much agitation?
If the underlying issue is that you don’t see Ed taking your needs and desires into account when he makes his own decisions — and again, this is way beyond any expetise I have, so feel free to tell me I’m full of it, but that’s my general sense of things from reading your writing — then that’s the big issue. Not this trip in particular. But strike that from the record if it’s off-base.
Oh, and to answer your original question (I think), I’m married, and my wife gets more vacation than me (as a teacher). She travels with the kids to see her family during that time, and I stay home or come up when I can. My parents are local, so that’s not an issue for me. So my opinion is probably skewed by the fact that, to me, trips like this aren’t anything extraordinary.
Jeez, I’m not offering an opinion on this one. Way to messy. How about you BOTH go away, and I will come apartment-sit and love yer kitties up… and pretend I am cool, single and livin’ in Van! Whee, ME! BTW, I’ll be having a *few* people over for my birthday, 4th July. Promise it won’t be a whisper compared to your charming neighbours/hooligans.
DAMN, I HATE typoes I can’t fix! Way TOO messy. Agh.
it might help to know that if you fly direct from canada to Mexico, without a US stop, you do not need a passport.
just saying :) (I just confirmed this for someone 3 weeks ago that is currently IN mexico, without a passport, you just need picture ID and a birth certificate, IIRC)
the other stuff is ya’lls business, i’m just here to pass on the laws of this fine country.
I’m kind of on Ed’s side on this one.
1) I am always out of town. With work, or with my girlfriends. Sometimes Dave is invited, but often he is not.
2) We actually use vacation every year to go visit his parents, and it’s one of the highlights of my year. We use Indianapolis as a starting point and the whole family does some traveling while we’re out there. We live with my grandma, so I really can’t complain about us going to see his family!
Well, I guess that’s our compromise — we vacation with his family, and I vacation with my girlfriends! Sometimes he’ll go and visit his family on his own if I don’t have any time… it sounds to me like you’re being a little tough on Ed, except for the passport thing. Push that.
I, too, think 10 days is way too long. Why not have Ed use part of his vacation time to go to Victoria and, help you, help your mom move?
Wow, crazy!
Every year my wife takes a trip to the interior to see her mom, and leaves me at home to slave away over a hot stove. No, literally! I don’t get vacation time in the summer, as it’s time to put my head down and work, and I really value those 10 days or so in August to relax and spend some time alone while not at work.
Alone time. Does anyone else value that? I get SO little of it, that her vacation is like a vacation for me, too.
Also, her parents come and visit once or twice a year, which is nice, and we usually take a vacation in the spring, when it’s a good time for *both* of us.
Seacrest? Oh, he’s out.
Hey, I was gonna say that. If your around someone 365 days a year why is it a crisis for them to want do their own thing for 10 days? I can totally see taking a vacation together as a couple would be excellent, we’ve never been able to, but I imagine it would be nice. But you are individual peoples yet, not an individual unit.
I dunno, most of these commets seem pretty harsh to me. I put myself in Ed’s shoes and can’t imagine what I would do differently. The vacation days are given to him anyways, not the both of you. 1.) Get vacation days – use some for birthday, some for wife birthday, some for anniversary, use rest to visit home/family/friends/etc., invite wife as her schedule allows. 2.) ??? 3.)Profit!!!
“how dare you visit your family for ten whole days” seems a little harsh, I think I have to side with “Donna” and “Matt” on this one.
If my life was hashed up into such drama for public debate on the internets I would be mild-to-moderately irritated!
Yeah, it’s a secret tunnel, like Hogan’s Heroes. Big whoop. Want to fight about it?
I guess I don’t see it as a “You can’t leave me for 10 days!” issue, but a “Damn, I really wish we could travel together someplace new for once” issue. But then again I guess it’s a whole lot of issues. I totally agree that Ed should get to visit his family, and I’m not really sympathetic to the being left alone without a car thing; I just think his attitude that there isn’t really a problem, and that no innovative solutions need be imagined, is troublesome. Kim, the idea of using your 5 days of shared vacation time to plan a longer trip (maybe using a long weekend, like Ed does with his July trip) sounds like an excellent compromise.
Your husband is being a selfish jerk and reminds me a lot of my boyfriend. He definitely shouldn’t be stranding you without a car. That is total bullshit.
It absolutely isn’t the “I will die without you for ten whole days” that is the issue, nor the fact that he wants to see his parents. I adore alone time. I think I may even enjoy it a little too much. I can’t wait for Ed’s next business trip; party at my place!
meeralee hits nails on heads with her comment of wanting to travel somewhere new. I understand that Ed’s parents are important, and I love them too so I’m not opposed to going to see them – I just wish that the majority of vacation time could be put towards planning adventure instead of doing what is so very familiar.
Ed and I had a big talk last night, and things are okay. He understands why my panties are in a knot over his vacation, and we talked about a whole whack of other issues that are probably the real reason for my anger and not so much his road trip. We’ve talked to my mom and picked a time to go out and help her, and Ed will still go on his trip – and as for the rest, well, we’ll see. It’s .. complicated. Ed, why you have to go and make things so complicated? I see the way you’re acting like you’re somebody else, gets me frustrated.
Man, the internets move fast.. .I might be too late to weight in.. but as relationships are part of what I’m all Doctor-y about, I think I should also throw in that there is some newer research that suggests the whole “separate vacation” thing can be a good thing. I’m not saying that using the vast majority of vacation time to spend it away from your spouse is therefore a good thing, but at least a “notable” amount of time spent apart is potentially “healthy.” There has to be a reasonable compromise somewhere you can agree on, because if you’ve made it ten years you’re doing better than most couples so you’ve gotta have some negotiation skills in there somewhere.
I also think the Other Mike says some good stuff, so I’ll second his comments.
Especially about the passport. Dude, things are getting fucked up out there and I’m not saying there’s going to be an apocalypse on home soil or anything, but there’s no real reason to not have a passport these days, even if you think you’ll never travel out of the country. Even a day trip down to Seattle is going to require it soon.
And Kimli, just remember, the guys are always the least complicated ones. ;)
Come visit me!
I mean, us!
Are you able to do the vacation to somewhere different though, given you don’t get vacation days? You just take unpaid right? it has been a long time since I had a contract job.
(I am mainly just trying to get the comment count closer to 100 here)
I’m with Josh. Down with pants! Up with comments!
And I’m pleased there was discussion. You are a brave couple, opening the question to the internets like that. I am in awe of your Chutzpah!
It’s her Chutzpah, not mine… I’m a private person. Any time you solicit advice you need to make sure you’re sorting the gold from the dross. For whatever reason, the Internet as a whole seems to be fueled by dross. Thanks to the people who commented after reading and actually digesting all of the information. The other “advice” (gotta love quotation marks!) is worth less than the pixels that each letter is comprised of, assuming that individual pixels were a tradeable commodity and had a value directly proportional to their phsical stature.. and also assuming that they existed on a three dimentional plane.. and that I was wearing pants.
Wow, way to say that anything that did not agree with your idea of what things should be is “dross.”
No, the dross is all of the knee-jerk posts that lack any sort of deliberation or, dare I say, relevance. Oh snap, was I talking about your posts specifically? No. Will people get defensive thinking I was referring to them? I really don’t care. I welcome opinion and advice whether it’s contrary to what I believe or parallel – not everyone thinks or feels the way that I do.
I’ve noticed a lot of people are pretty hostile towards Ed. Eesh, people, chill out! Even if you disagree with his point, you don’t need to call him names. That doesn’t help. Those of us who saw Ed’s point of view didn’t call Kimli names!
‘Course, we all love Kimli and hell, I’ve never even met Ed. Maybe he IS a dick! Ed, are you a dick? Be honest now!
Ed’s not a dick! Although do know that Ed’s got wang. It says so on the t-shirt.