It’s sunny outside! This will greatly enable my one goal of the day: going outside. I haven’t scooted in over a week and I’m starting to turn a sickly shade of gray from monitor and television radiation, so it’s time to go outside. YAY!

I’m having a really stupid problem with Microsoft. All my MS products are tied together – my Zune, my MSN account, and my Xbox Live account. Not really a big deal; I’ve pretty much given up on any kind of privacy where the internet is concerned. There’s only one catch – for some reason, my country of origin is set to the US. I’m Canadian through and through (eh), and while this would bother me even if it wasn’t utterly destroying my life, it’s still not THAT big a deal – or is it?!

Since my Zune account came first (take that, chicken and egg), my Xbox Live gamer tag is stuck as “Zelicious Juice”. It’s locked to my email address, which is the same one I use for MSN Messenger and all my Windows Live ID crap. I have no idea why I picked Zelicious Juice when setting up my Zune – I’ve never used that as a name before in my life – but what’s done is done. Luckily, Microsoft will allow me to change my gamer tag anytime I want .. for only for 800 Microsoft Points. Okay, I get it – they’re a small company struggling to survive, and it only makes sense to charge people for account changes they had no control over when adding another product to their personal Microsoft family tree. I can get behind that.

So, in order to fix my gamer tag, I need to purchase some Microsoft Points online and apply them towards my Windows Live ID. I can use the extra points to buy exclusive in-game add-ons, music for my Zune, an extra bitch for my bitch boat, etc. Sounds good; let’s just suck it up and do it and curse my Zune while we’re at it. Visa’s out, I’m all signed in, and ..

My country of origin is stuck on US, and any credit card I try to add is going to fail the address check.

Well, surely I can change the country – let’s just edit my account information and try again. After all, I can edit my information on every Microsoft device I have – if it won’t work on the Xbox, I can try my Zune account or even my MSN Messenger account. This’ll be a breeze!

A breeze made of POISONOUS GASSES, that is. The country is the one piece of information you cannot change. It’s stuck. I am, as far as Microsoft is concerned, an American. Okay, fine – except I very clearly want to give them money, and their own system is not allowing me to do so. Look! I have money! I’m waving my Visa around frantically! Please take it! Do you want a different money? I have other money! Take them all! Please take my money, Microsoft!

Nope. Not gonna happen.

For something so minor, this is incredibly frustrating. I spent at least an hour yesterday looking around Microsoft websites, trying to find anything that will help me. I thought I got lucky when I found a 24/7 Xbox Support Chat, but my hopes were quickly dashed when I realized you were actually chatting with an Xbox. I shit you not; they programmed some canned responses to various keywords and it was in no way a live person. I finally found a support form that I could fill out and mail off, and I had to remind myself what my problem was so I didn’t waste my one question to the Microsoft Oracle on “WHY IS YOUR SUPPORT SO COMPLICATED?!”.

I think I’ve figured out why this is happening, and it’s really my own damn fault. I would rather blame someone else though, so I am casting a stinking eye at my Zune. Sure, it’s completely awesome and 30gb and unique and the screen is gorgeous. It’s also caused all these problems and more I probably haven’t discovered yet. All this weird shit with my Live ID started when I registered my Zune, and the reason (I’m assuming) my ID says I’m in the US is because Zunes are not available in Canada. Surely no one is so desperate for gadgetry that they would cross the border into the Americas to buy some contraband electronics, right? That’s just SILLY! Yet that’s exactly what we did, and why I’m now stuck playing Xbox Live games as Zelicious Juice. It’s my own fault, but I choose not to accept the blame – damn you, Zune!

My issue is baffling Microsoft’s bizarre support structure. I just received an email from a real person – not an Xbox – and it’s incredibly apologetic. I almost feel like replying and trying to calm her down; it sounds like she’s about to commit hari-kari because she can’t fix my issue. Unfortunately, she’s also pawned me off to another department so I have to submit my issue all over again. This sucks. Give me my birth country back!

In other news, I unintentionally won an eBay auction for something I can’t afford and am not even sure I want because obviously I am rolling in cash what with my lack of a job and all. Shit and hell and also fuck.

Outside awaits!