I’ve spent the last few days being both productive and miserable. When I used to travel a lot, Ed would invariably spend his alone time cleaning the apartment from top to bottom so it was sparkly when I returned. He rarely travels, so when he left on his business trip this week I resolved to tackle the Issue of Stuff – I went through the piles of crap strewn about the apartment and made some cruel decisions about what was and was not essential. I also dealt with the mountain of bank statements and old bills that needed shredding, threw out manuals for items I no longer owned, and generally made things so damn clean you could eat off it (except you wouldn’t have to, because I also cleaned the kitchen and did all the dishes). Ed’s on his way back now, and the apartment is mostly gorgeous. I did only have a day and a half to work with, so there’s a limit to the number of miracles I can pull out of my ass. Also, don’t look at my desk. The apartment looks much nicer if you just don’t look at my desk.

Okay, so that was the productive part. The misery was a gift with purchase – I’m on Day 3 of Operation: I Am Totally Sane, and it’s been a laugh riot if by laugh you mean wish you would die. Day One was the March of the Merry Migraine; a headache so bad I damn near threw up several times. Day Two brought the Vertigo – I spent much of the day being so dizzy I had to hang on to walls and stay low to the floor since I was probably going to end up there anyway. I’m actually not sure which of the brain herpes was worse; blinding headaches are bad but being constantly dizzy is no lurch in the park either. Last night in bed I could actually feel my brain doing a frontside 180 kickflip and the world suddenly spinning off into another orbit. This isn’t normal, right? I’d love to be able to claim that it’s a side effect of the lack of medication, but I’ve been suffering from extreme vertigo – or as I call it, “The Verts”, for a few months now. I suppose I’m going to have to haul my ass into the doctor to see if he can’t make the world stop spinning. This is not a lot of fun.

I’m supposed to go out tonight for Fun Times, but if I’m still as dizzy as I am right now, I don’t think that’s such a good idea. I already have no idea how I’m going to make it to the airport to pick Ed up – I guess I’ll be driving with the windows down and taking a lot of deep breaths. GO AWAY, VERTS! I HATE YOU ALMOST MORE THAN I HATE THE QUEASE!

Seriously, this is not cool. Time to research herpes of the inner ear, I guess.