Operation: I Am Totally Sane is not going so well.
I’ve never had any kind of addiction or bad habit to break because I am pretty much perfect in every way. This is making my life very hard at the moment, because I am wholly inexperienced in dealing with withdrawal. I’ve been going through what I assume and hope some pretty wicked crazy pill withdrawal, and it’s frankly fucked my life up to an unmanageable degree. When does withdrawal end? It’s been, like, a week. Shouldn’t I be done withdrawing by now? This is stupid.
The Verts have mutated, and now I also have The Quease – I am constantly dizzy and nauseous and unable to do a hell of a lot of anything because I feel so violently horrible. I don’t have any real idea of what’s going on beyond my self-diagnosis – nothin’ but herpes – so I’m suffering. Am I getting sick? Do I have some sort of viral infection? Am I truly short on iron, or do I have some kind of brain disease eating away at my inner ear? Am I just going through withdrawal and all this is normal? What the hell is going on?
Okay, so I can’t walk a straight line and spend a lot of my free time looking for emergency vomitoriums. As fun as this all sounds, we’re only barely scratching the surface: I’ve lost control of all emotions.
Last night, Ed commented that my bowl of chili was large and suggested that I rinse something in the sink instead of using a paper towel. Naturally, this means he thinks I am fat and ugly, so I burst into tears. I’m a little over-sensitive right now; everything is some sort of huge insult and I think everyone is avoiding me because they hate me. Everything makes me cry – commercials, shoelaces, phone books. I’ve teared up more than once over things that make no sense at all – reading an article about road construction causing the traffic lights to go out downtown, for example. It is awesome.
I’m also freaking the fuck out because Sasha has lost some weight and is throwing up a lot. Last night after getting into some people food, she puked up a fountain of vomit. I’m worried about her, so naturally I burst into tears (again) and sobbed hysterically for about 15 minutes. The way I remember it, I was hysterical for three reasons – I feel like shit all the goddamn time; I’m worried about my cat; I do not want to deal with the 8 or 9 piles of puke she just deposited on the floor. All of these are excellent reasons to be upset, but hysterics? Honest to god wailing and tears and hiccups and cat-frightening sobs? That is not normal. Something is not right with me inside my head, and I do not know what.
Ed thinks perhaps I should go back on the crazy pills. I do not want to do this; I was on them for almost 4 years before managing to wean myself off. It’s only been a week, and while I honestly don’t know how much more of this constant nausea and vertigo and random sobbing I can take, a week seems a little short to decide that I am evidently still completely insane and should be medicated as such. I haven’t heard back from the doctor regarding my blood, so I don’t know what’s going on there and I don’t want to go back to the clinic because there isn’t really a hell of a lot they can do. So, I’m miserable, dizzy, barfy, emotional, worried, unemployable, insane, and everyone hates me. Hooray!
I loathe being scared.
delicious juice dot com 
I like you (like that really means much!) ;-)
Did you wean under doctor’s supervision? And yes, it definitely takes longer than a week.
But I would go back to your trusty doc and let him/her know what’s going on, just to be safe. :-)
*big hugs*
My friend was dizzy for close to 2 months after weaning off an anti-depressant. In her words “very spacey…not fun at all…made me feel queasy, I had to keep Gravol with me at all times”. I guess if you just hang in there it will eventually subside. My friend is feeling great now!
In most of what you said, I have been there before. Though luckily my going off meds hasn’t been quite as bad as your experience, or at least, I never vomited. Dizziness, emotional sensitivity, definitely. It wears off but it takes a while, and for me at some point I wondered if I was still have withdrawal symptoms or whether I actually was normally homicidal but the drugs had stopped the urges.
Good luck with all this, whatever you decide to do. And I hope the kitty is okay.
If K misses one day of her stuff she’s a physical wreck for several days. She gets lighting bolts in the brains, among other side effects.
I think there’s a very long withdrawl process, especially if you’ve been on them a long time. Why did you decide to come off them? I bet there’s a gigantic post somewhere that I missed.
Hang in there!
dh: of course it means much, silly – I like being liked! :D
I did in fact wean under the doc’s watchful eye, sort of – I’d go back and say “k, time to lower my dose” and they’d give me a smaller dose and that’s about it. There was no real discussion about why I was going off my meds, or why I felt it was time .. I just said “doing this now” and they shrugged and said “whatev”.
Honestly, the only reason I’m going off them is because 4 years is a long time and I’m not sure about the side effects of being on long-term crazy pills might be. However, if this doesn’t fix itself soon, I very well may go back ON the pills just so I don’t have to deal with the withdrawal process because goddamn I feel awful :(
Hey Dahlink! You are marvelous the way you are, drugs or no drugs. Hang in there chickadee. Once you get the bloodwork back then you can make an informed decision. Until then, um, drink lots of tea. That’s it. Tea. And keep talking to us, because we’re listening.
i have many feelings which are very un useful. they are coming to my mind normally when i do works. they struggling again and again.so i feel very big headeche.