Can someone be your nemesis if they don’t really do anything to nemesize you?

There’s a lady who lives on the bottom floor of our building, and it is generally known that she is crazy. She is not crazy like I am crazy; my crazy is more “manic cheerleader” whereas her crazy is talking to herself, forcefully engaging strangers in uncomfortable conversations, and having her kids taken away from her because she lives in a utility closet kind of crazy. Not at all the same, really.

It dawned on me recently that none of us actually know her name. While I admit we hipsters are a standoffish sort, we honestly could never get a word in edgewise to introduce ourselves so she’s been known as “The Crazy Lady Downstairs” since day one. She’s the one who insists that we live in the ghetto of North Vancouver, that the landlord is a horrible slumlord because he lets her rent the half apartment half utility room she lives in, and that as soon as she gets her baby back she is so out of here and that the one time we lost a cat out the window it definitely went back to Calgary because it doesn’t want to live in the ghetto of North Vancouver. She has a lot to say. Not very much of it makes sense.

When I was checking the mail yesterday for things that will never arrive, I saw an envelope attached to the free for all corkboard. It was addressed to #14, which is where the crazy lady lives, and it had a name on it. Finally! A name to put to the crazy lady’s face!

The letter was addressed to Kimberly Lou Last Name.

Her name is Kimberly Lou.

Kimberly is commonly shorted to Kim.

That means her name is Kim Lou.

I am Kim Lee (even though I spell it Kimli).

CLEARLY, WE MUST FIGHT!

She is totally my archenemy, my nemesis, the Bizarro Land version of me! Kim Lee versus Kim Lou, live in the Ghetto of North Vancouver! This will be a close one. She is crazy, but I am feral and I fight dirty. Also, I am clearly the more awesome one so I am not at all worried.

FIGHT!

Oh, right – I promised a shocking confession. Well, that will have to wait. I am too busy plotting my attack.

FINISH HIM! I mean, HER!