Hey, everyone! Here’s a little quiz!
It’s 1 in the morning on a weeknight. You’re drunk, you’re old, you’re having a conversation with a deaf man outside your apartment door, in the hallway. If someone asks you to please take your conversation inside, should your appropriate answer be:
a) “Oh I’m so sorry, I didn’t realize what time it was!”
b) Say nothing, but go inside your apartment and close the door
c) “Put a sock in it, I’ve lived here for 14 years and I’m talking to a deaf gentleman”
If you’ve answered C, then you are Drunk Betty and please stop reading the internet and instead oh I don’t know, stop being so damn drunk and old and loud. Living here for 14 years does NOT give you any kind of power over us impertinent whippersnappers; you’re TALKING LIKE THIS right outside our apartment door and it’s so loud I expect to find you in bed with us. I hate you, Drunk Betty. You are quite beyond belief.
Hello to the lovely people who seem to be descending upon my humble juice box in large numbers – I don’t know where you’re coming from or why, but I am certainly not complaining. Hello to you! Pull up a chair and grab a bottle of wine!
So hey, it turns out that I somehow – completely unintentionally, of course – bought two copies of the new Transformers movie on DVD. It’s not like I bought one, then went to another store and realized THEY were selling an exclusive edition in a fancy tin case or anything – no, it was a complete accident. Quite embarrassing. How silly of me. Anyway, I have two copies of the film and I’d like to give one away. Of course, I’m going to make you work for it because I am mean like that. If you’d like a chance to have me send you stuff, here’s what you have to do:
Write me a haiku about Delicious Juice Dot Com and post it in my comments below. I’ll keep it going until Sunday at 6pm PST, then pick my favourite and you’ll get a prize. Please try to keep the haikus to a maximum of three entries per person, and I’ll be quite offended if you censor yourself in any way. I know it’s not the grandest of prizes, but haikus are easy to write and really fun. So, um. Yes. Have at it, then.
Contest is void if you’re Drunk Betty, because I don’t like you.
delicious juice dot com 
Shit, haiku… what is that, 5,7,5 right? Hmm.
Drunk Betty sucks ass (5)
Delicious Juice does not, eh (7)
M M & M rocks (5)
Corrections? Additions?
Perilous Kimli
writes the best blog evah, it’s true:
nerdy, sexy, fun.
Scooters, road trips, snails
and desk toys extraordinaire —
pics she shares freely
She also writes of
Ed, hoarder of dry cleaning,
phobic of passports.
p.s. I don’t really want the movie, I just wanted to enter the contest. ;)
Kimli of the Juice?
Snail loving gaming goddess.
More than meets the eye.
:)
King of All Cosmos,
Stars and Moon die at his whim,
Kim fights him bravely.
Kimli has a crank
cranks out delicious juices;
watch the handle turn!
(I like HielanLass…es. HielanLass’s?)
Who’s that scooting by
With all that angst in her pangst?
Kimli, Hex Angel!
Fuck shit cunt cock dick!
Delicious Juice Dot Com is
Orgasmatronic.
listening to RENT!
me mom and morgentaler
along Oak Bay Drive
I love Wyatt. Just saying.
Drunk Betty I hate
At least she won’t masturbate
Next to my white car
Elephants upstairs
Whiff of whiskey from below
Sanity is lost
One cat like a horse
One cat rules with bad kidneys
One cat is cross-eyed
Kimli is the queen
In her universe of juice
Ruled by heaving boobs
Coffee is a vice
Kimli happily foregoes
Favors Diet Coke
Met over a frag
Moved on to shoes and road trips
Hanging out next week!
This is what happens when my baby keeps me up all night, and I’m just now getting coffee in my system. Sorry it isn’t as eloquent as Wyatt’s, but I can’t get my sailor on with this little caffeine (and booze) in my system.
Transformers movie
Two hours of my life were lost
To that pile of trash
oh what should i do?
will i work or will i play?
ookla fire me
Ali’s first verse pretty much says it all. =)
If you squeeze her head
You will get delicious juice:
Canada’s Kimli.
I read blogs at work.
Fired for Delicious Juice.
But read it I must.
oh crap, I didn’t read the ones people had written before I posted. I didn’t mean to rip Oliver off.
Many bad neighbors,
I see on DG dot com.
Make mine seem better.
daily I read Juice
to get my snails and scooters
fix and read about
team no babies and
one of the few people i
like who talk of games
ed needs to get her
a very cute pug right now
and a new passport
did i mention that
i am in the mafia
and can help you with…
drunk betty next door
who can’t shut her mouth at all
i can help her to.
i know i put this
in very late but i am
not that creative