Hey, internet: is this illegal?
Upstairs has a lot of parties – for the last two nights, our building has been the most popular dorm on campus. On Saturday night around 2:30am, a trickle of sluts came tramping (hah!) down the stairs like a herd of finely coifed elephants and waited outside for a taxi, shrieking the entire time. They are loud and obnoxious and clearly do not understand the meaning of the terms “inside voice” or “pants in winter”.
My devious solution is as follows: when the gaggle of drunken ninnies start their shit outside our building at incredible volumes, I would like to snipe them with a water gun. I wouldn’t fill it with ketchup or cat urine or vinegar; just water. Then I’d shoot at them from the darkness of my own apartment (not that their addled brains would be able to triangulate my location anyway). Think about it. They’d be drunk, stupid, barely dressed, loud, waiting outside at 2am, and wet. HILARITY! There are few things I can think of right now that would be funnier!
Would this be illegal? I’m not technically causing them harm, just making them cold. I’m pretty sure it would make them even louder, but I’d be awake anyway so what’s the difference. You can’t tell them to shut up – they giggle and say OOPS SORRY then 10 seconds later they’re screaming again. It would do me a great deal of good to see the little whores shivering and pathetic on my doorstep in the wee hours of the morning – after all, they’re disturbing my peace. Why shouldn’t I be able to disturb theirs?
I think I’ll buy a water gun tomorrow.
delicious juice dot com 
As long as you capture the action on video so the rest of us can… er… enjoy it ;o
I’m sure our laws on the other side of the continent are quite different so I can’t help at all in that regard…
OMG. You’re my hero.
Do it!
And yes, if you can get the ensuing mayhem on video, even better.
OMG that’s brilliant. I third the video idea.
Technically shooting someone with a water gun could probably be an assault, since “assault” in the criminal code is left pretty wide open – you don’t even have to touch someone for it to be assault. But I don’t know any prosecutors who’d want to take that one on. (Of course I take no responsibility for anything happening as a result of you trying it!)
hehe!! we live in a condo that is neighboured across the alley by a rental building. a few years ago there was a suite of frat boys(and girls) who had constant loud parties at all hours of the night and all days of the week. our neighbours, whose deck was directly across the alley from these morons, and who could hear them the most being very close to them, picked up a water balloon launcher and they would sneak out on their patio at night & hurl water balloons across the alley at them. too funny as the frat boys never did figure it out. hehehe!
or the more safe way, try calling the cops every single time it happens & they’ll soon be evicted…
Woo! Love it
Video required.
And yes, I agree that it is probably assault, but don’t think that should stop you :)
Well, did you squirt them or not?