Sad news from North Vancouver today, where a large domestic house cat named Hobble Kazoo was found to have killed a woman with his abundant affection.

The body of Kimli Lulubelle Wangzilla was discovered at 5:04pm on Thursday afternoon and pronounced completely smothered. Further investigation revealed that in the course of being loved by one of her three cats, her eyeballs became clogged with loose grey hair and cat dander. Although it is obvious that Kimli was in great respiratory distress due to the 22lb cat being particularly adoring and quite literally in her face, she did little to remove the animal for fear of making it sad. Shortly after the cat waddled off in search of food, Kimli succumbed to her incredible allergies and died in a wheezing, itchy-eyed puddle of discomfort.

Kimli will be missed by all but especially by the Coca-Cola Company, Nintendo, the makers of Reactine, and Future Shop.