I have a brutal migraine that is not going away through conventional methods, so I am trying to *think* the fucker away.

Ed asked me last night why I plan things.

Honestly, I’m not quite sure.

We were talking about birthdays and events, and I was thinking out loud about what needed to be done to make the next Big Outing work for everyone involved. Halfway through my stream of thought, Ed asked me why I do it and I didn’t really have a good answer.

Part of it is because I’m afraid no one else will. Everyone I know gets so frustrated when the majority of the day is spent sitting around saying “what do you want to do?” “I dunno, what do YOU want to do?” that it’s just easier if a game plan is laid out beforehand. It’s also because with groups larger than 2 or 3, there are things to consider that may be overlooked – but since I’m so anal about details, I try to cover it. Yes, the planning is a little fun – but most of the time it’s a huge hassle, since people don’t necessarily appreciate the fact that I try to arrange stuff so there are no potentially disastrous situations.

I also tend to worry a lot. A big part of why I don’t enjoy 4×4’ing is because of the unknown – while I am almost always up for Adventure, something about driving off where you shouldn’t and without cell service or a non-homicidal human around for miles makes my inner anal spasm. What if we fall in a ditch? What if we drive into an 8’ deep puddle of crocodiles and can’t get out? What if our entire group goes missing and no one notices we’re gone for 2 weeks and we have to resort to cannibalism? As the juiciest, I’m sure to get eaten first – and did anyone bring napkins and ketchup? I truly do love Adventures, but I am just not that crazy about the Unknown outside of my comfort zone (which, to be fair, is a very large zone).

Also, I *hate* getting dirty.

When it comes to planning Events – birthdays, holidays, Big Fun Things – those I do out of love. I love my peoples, even if they drive me crazy sometimes (and vice versa – I am not much fun to be around when I am in a terrible mood). I plan things that would be fun for everyone because I love my friends and I want people to have good times. I worry about people’s birthdays – even and especially if they don’t – because I want them to know they’re loved and appreciated (and because everyone should feel special on their birthday).

That’s probably the answer right there: I do what I do because I am an anal retentive control freak with an eye for details, a wicked memory, and big squishy love for those I care about.

Awww.

My head still hurts.