Monthly Archives: October 2008

failed pirate

Posted in everyday kimli by

I am the world’s worst pirate.

Not only did I epically fail at downloading movies from the internet (purely for demo purposes only of course) to show at our office Scary Movie Lunch Hour, I turned down a bunch of gold doubloons.

I was tasked with finding a copy of Halloween (the original) to show at lunch today, but I’ve been impossibly busy all week. Without any legal options at hand (I remembered last night around 11pm), I turned to the internet where I’m usually able to find, download, and burn anything my heart might desire. I don’t know if the internet ran out of copies of Halloween, but I couldn’t find a damn thing. Oh, sure, I could find more Halloween porn than you could shake a stick at, but this is a work function – not a usual Thursday night at my place.

Not wanting to admit defeat (and have to work during lunch instead of watching movies), I opted to go to Walmart on my way to work this morning. How bad could it be? Surely the rest of North Vancouver wouldn’t be attempting to buy last minute candy and costume pieces at 9 in the morning! That would be foolish!

And yet, that’s exactly what happened. I’m a little smarter than the average bear though, so I planned my attack in advance. I knew I needed to get a) candy, b) Diet Coke, and c) horror movies, so I picked the first two items up on my way to the electronics department where I would be able to pay for everything at once. See, I am smart. With an A and everything.

I didn’t have any luck finding a copy of Halloween – for all I know, Walmart doesn’t even stock the DVD because Jamie Lee Curtis once looked at a gay or something – but I did pick up 28 Days Later and The Ring for $8 each. Confident that the two movies would adequately kill time at work, I made my way to the cash register.

.. which was staffed by the STUPIDEST WOMAN ALIVE.

I made the mistake of challenging the display on the register, because although the sticker on 28 Days Later said $7.97, it rang up as $9.83. Not a huge deal, but those are my pennies and I had better things to do with them than give them away to Walmart. I made her change the price – to which she glared and sighed and took 5 minutes to figure out how to void – and she continued ringing my items in (incorrectly, as she double-charged me for my bag of peanut butter cups).

Then I ruined her day.

I paid with via debit, and took advantage of the Cash Back feature to get $40. You’d think I had just skull-fucked her dog, or something – she was plainly HORRIFIED that I would ask for such a thing. She had no money in her till! How was she supposed to give me $40? I offered no solution, because it frankly wasn’t my problem – just give me my damn cash and sort your enormous troubles out later. After many heaving, martyred sighs, she pulled a $20 and three $5s out of her drawer. Clearly, that does not equal $40 – so she put the $20 back, and pulled out a roll of loonies.

Then she tried to hand me the $25 roll of loonies and three $5s.

I laughed at her.

She kept insisting that I take the large, non-foldable roll of change but I refused. As simple math was clearly beyond her skills, I finally told her to give me the $20, the three $5s, and 5 of the loonies – she could ask her manager to restock her till later. You could practically hear the wheels turning in her head as she realized this would work, and I made it out of Walmart with my scary movies, foldable money, and a shiny new headache.

I’m sort of regretting turning down the doubloons, though.

For a Halloween workday, I am getting a lot of very strange looks at my horns. However, you just plain can’t go wrong with green glittery eyeliner. People at work have asked what I’m supposed to be:

I’m a stressed out tech writer who’s going to fork the next person who springs a bunch of surprise process changes on me >:E

I knew this pitchfork would come in handy.

the no pants symphony

Posted in everyday kimli, nerd by

Last night was awesome.

As cool as the entire spectacle was (and I highly recommend seeing the show if it comes to your town), the highlights of the evening for me weren’t actually part of the program:

  • A girl dressed as a Reaper from The World Ends With You – I wanted to track her down and give her a hug
  • While it wasn’t played by the orchestra, the theme from Katamari Damacy played over the PA during the intermission and I danced in my seat

They also debuted a song from the next Need for Speed game, Need for Speed: Undercover. The song and trailer were pretty cool, but I’m pretty sure the working title of the game is actually Need for Speed: Bro Hugs. For a game about racing cars, there were an awful lot of buff manly hugs going on, not to mention the Ethnically Diverse Hot Chick Looking Sad theme running throughout.

Most of all, I was very glad to note that the evening didn’t make me as sad as I thought it might. Video games make me sad, you see, but that’s an enormous post for another time – today is not for sad; it is for good times.

I did feel strangely disconnected from the most popular pieces played, though. As much as I love video games and sport a rather impressive collection of game music CDs and MP3s, I tend to not play a lot of the big ticket games that were featured last night, like Final Fantasy (*fist shake*) and Metal Gear Solid. The audience went nuts during the segments for Warcraft and Starcraft and Halocraft, but while I thoroughly enjoyed the whole evening, I wasn’t all swoony with glee like the rest. Of course, if they had played things that *I* have a strong connection to, I would have been hollering with the best of them. I wish they had played music from Beyond Good and Evil as they have in the past, but overall it was a damn fine evening and I’m very glad we went.

I was both amused and conflicted to note that EA had a job booth set up. I was torn about the whole thing – half of me was filled with scorn (where were you when I desperately needed you and would have given my left arm to join your ranks?), but half of me wanted to throw myself at their mercy and beg them to take me on. I wanted to ask if my dream job exists, but decided against it – neither answer would make me feel good. If I was told no, there is no such thing as a Video Game Manual Writer, my dreams would be completely crushed – but if they said yes, we hire Video Game Manual Writers, then what? Would I throw everything away to try to join their forces again? Or do I put my dream on the back burner and continue to do my current job that I really do enjoy, all filthy warehouses in Richmond aside? Am I better off not knowing if my dream has any chance of becoming reality, or should I plant my feet on solid but boring ground?

Too many deep thoughts for an evening of fun.

snooty snoot snoot

Posted in nerd by

Tonight Ed and I are going to the SYMPHONY!

Sort of.

Well, mostly.

If it’s the same building the symphony plays in that counts, right?

We’re going to see Video Games Live at the Orpheum tonight, home of the Vancouver Symphony Orchestra. And there will be actual symphonic instruments and people wearing suits, so it’s pretty close. In fact, the website says this:

“Video Games Live is a multimedia concert experience featuring the best music and exclusive synchronized video clips from the most popular games from the beginning of video gaming to the present. The music is performed live by the Vancouver Symphony Orchestra.“

So we really and truly ARE going to the symphony. The fact that it’s all video game music with lasers and things flying through the air should not be allowed to take away from my delight at attending something that isn’t a sweaty punk show. Hooray! We are classy!

I am excited!

the morning after

Posted in everyday kimli, nerd by

I imagine the day after a major purchase is much like waking up the morning after a drunken one night stand and realizing that the person you picked up last night a) is utterly gorgeous, b) is double-jointed in ways you didn’t know were possible, c) is very enthusiastic in the sack and willing to try anything, d) is actually an alligator, e) has infected you with a particularly virulent strain of alligator herpes. You’re stunned (an alligator?!) but proud (but WHAT an alligator!), excited (at last my Crocodile Hunter Naughty School Girl fantasies will be realized) and wanting to show your friends (check out this hot alligator I totally banged last night) – but at the same time, worried (does my back normally bleed this much?) and overwhelmed (alligator herpes is sticky and spreads very quickly) by how long it will take to make things right in the public eye (I knew I shouldn’t have accepted that VP nomination).

I don’t have regrets over the purchase itself – we needed a new TV, researched the hell out of it and got it on sale – but this morning when consolidating our accounts and shoring up the resources, I had a mild panic attack at the number on the screen. It’s not enormous, but it’s bigger than it was on Saturday and that is alarming.

I have a Plan, though. While Ed is already cancelling Christmas in his mind, I know that we are in fine shape to pay off our new toys and still afford to eat. We’re making concessions where we can, too – for example, I canceled my parking pass downtown and found a free (and better!) alternative, saving us $85 a month. The Mazdabator will be completely paid off in March, and that’ll be a lovely chunk of change that will a) rapidly pay off the remaining debt and b) go into savings for future use. I moved the balance off the higher interest card and into the low interest line of credit, saving some more pennies along the way. It is good. Ed, stop freaking out.

All monetary concerns aside, I also feel somewhat sheepish at saying we needed a TV. It’s true, though. You can’t play Rock Band on No TV. In fact, there are many things you cannot do on No TV. I know it’s hip and cool to be all snooty and superior and crow the evils of television, but Ed likes hockey. Sure, I can download many programs and watch them on a computer as to eliminate the need to suckle at cable’s teat, but that doesn’t work as well for sports. I like having a TV. It makes using my various video game consoles much easier, and yes – sometimes I like to watch brain-rotting TV. Not often, though. I still get to keep SOME of my snooty elitist hipster cred.

If I could just convince someone to take our OLD TV out of my living room, everything would be just super.

home for a rest

Posted in adventure, everyday kimli, nerd, relationship drama by
  • Went to Fright Night
  • Somehow managed to take 369 pictures
  • Was kicked off the Ferris wheel (“weight distribution problem” – the Ferris Wheel called me fat)
  • Was put back on the Ferris wheel and NOT ALLOWED TO GET OFF – seriously, we went around about 10 times and I was getting wheel sick
  • Reconvened at Denny’s with gang plus extras; disassembled then ate a club sandwich
  • Woke up horribly early on Saturday morning
  • Applied zombie makeup
  • Went to Mac’s for water in full getup; disappointed at lack of reaction
  • ZOMBIE DANCED !!
  • For one beautiful moment, knew what it was to be a grandmother famous – at one point, Shan and I had six photographers crowded around us taking pictures as we posed on the beach
  • Went for brunch at a ritzy restaurant, still zombie’d up
  • Got my brunch for free because my chicken and brie sandwich was missing brie
  • Left brunch to reconvene at a pub in Gastown; drew two directors out of a hat and have to do a photo project in the styles of Fellini and Gilliam
  • Finally dezombie’d; took nap
  • Mouthed off to strangers in Gastown
  • Went to hockey game!
  • Walked from GM Place to the Art Gallery to take photos of art projection
  • Walked from Art Gallery to Gastown
  • Was passive-aggressively assaulted by some chick walking in a group of Canucks supporters as they razzed Ed for his Oilers jersey
  • Ran out of latex gloves
  • Cleaned the apartment minus the bedroom
  • Bought a new TV – a 47” LG LCD, and a stand for it
  • Graduated from my beloved Canon S5 to a Pentax K200D :o
  • Somehow made $15 while purchasing Fable II
  • Set up the new TV and stand with Ed
  • Bought tickets to see Amanda Palmer in Vancouver in December
  • Made dinner for the home gang
  • Got a permit to blow shit up
  • Glad the work week has started; I need some rest

October has been one hell of a month. This is good, because November is looking to be very quiet – Ed is taking a Boring Insurance Course that runs every Saturday in November; Shan will be out of town the first and last weekend of the month, Josh is gone the first weekend and is taking most of Vancouver to Tofino for the next; and Miranda and Reilly have shoots and meetings lined up for the middle of November. So far the month is looking to be just me and Gillian sitting around in our underwear, but only because she hasn’t told me her plans for the month yet. I could be all alone. Normally this would upset me, but see above re: Fable II.

I adore my life.

ice burn

Posted in everyday kimli by

As Ed and pulled into the parkade in Gastown, I was disgusted but not surprised to see a well-dressed man unzip his pants and piss against the wall near the elevators. I commented on how pathetic some people could be, and we parked our car.

We headed to the elevator just behind the pisser. Luckily (?) for us, his friend was holding an elevator for him. Ed snaked his arm into the door, and they opened for us.

“Huh huh I *guess* we’ll let you into the elevator wearing that jersey.”

We’re on our way to see Vancouver vs Edmonton at GM Place, and Ed is wearing his Oilers jersey.

“Oh you can let him in,” I snarked. “HE doesn’t piss in parking lots.”

The pisser and his friend took it in stride, suggesting that I give it a try sometime. I’m good, though. I wasn’t raised in a fucking crack house or anything.

Kimli: 1, Dapper Pisser: 0

continuing education

Posted in everyday kimli by

Lessons learned yesterday:

  • Green and blue eye shadow, when spackled on with a blush brush, makes for some excellent zombie makeup
  • Corelle “break resistant” dishes will, in fact, break – but only at 3am, and only in a spectacular fashion, and are in no way Sasha resistant
  • “Oh how cute,” I thought. “Vampire Noir lipstick! This will be perfect for Halloween!” .. a noble sentiment, largely rendered moot when I get home and realize that I would totally wear this colour everyday and not just on Vampire Noir days
  • You truly cannot beat Vera’s meat
  • If possible, I highly recommend living in an apartment building with good friends because when you lock yourself out, there’s always someone else who can get you in
  • Fishnet is for all seasons and all reasons
  • Owning a Post Apocalyptic Sweater can only be divinely providential when you are called upon to be a 9am zombie

I am prepared.

ro’s the inspiration

Posted in everyday kimli by

It’s no secret that I enjoy pumpkin pie. I’ve been known to enjoy it year ‘round, thanks to the marvels of deep freeze.

Every year I get excited to see commercials for Pumpkin Pie Blizzards from Dairy Queen. I like pumpkin – I like pie – I like ice cream – in theory, it can only be a small frozen cup of deliciousness. There is no possible way you could screw up something so simple. Right?

Oh, but no. Last year I was delighted to find myself in a position to actually try a Pumpkin Pie Blizzard. I ordered it, almost bouncing with anticipation – pie! Pumpkin pie! Smooshed up into ice cream! This is gonna be SO AWESOME!

As I watched her prepare my treat, I found myself filled with a sudden trepidation. The pumpkin part of the blizzard was being scooped out of a can – okay, that’s fine, I wasn’t exactly expecting them to slice up a pie and toss it in the blender – but something didn’t look right.

I took a closer look at the can she left on the counter. It was pumpkin.

JUST pumpkin.

As in, not pie filling.

As in, canned plain non-spiced uncooked unprocessed pumpkin.

All jack-o-lanterns and delicious fall treats aside, a pumpkin is no more than a festive member of the squash family.

The Dairy Queen made me a Squash Blizzard.

There was a chance I was wrong, but I was pretty damn sure she had made me a blizzard using not pie filling but regular canned squash that may eventually have been turned into pie by someone who wanted to control the flavour explosion but was definitely in no way meant to be poured into a shell and baked at 400 degrees for 45 minutes as is. I didn’t know how to bring it up – “hey, you made my Blizzard wrong!” – so I just took it and went on my way.

It looked about right – orange and creamy with pieces of cookie meant to simulate pie crust. Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad after all.

Then I took a bite.

Picture yourself eating a zucchini.

Now picture that zucchini mashed up into ice cream.

Yeah, that’s about how good it tasted. It was fucking HORRIBLE. It was a goddamn Squash Blizzard! It tasted like frozen death! I got through two bites before I had to throw the thing away; the pumpkin was too thoroughly mixed with the ice cream for any of it to be salvaged. I was very sad. My delightful treat turned out to be an unholy terror from beyond the grave. I hate it when that happens.

As we neared Thanksgiving ‘08, the commercials for the Pumpkin Pie Blizzards reappeared. Because of my pie lust I was intrigued, but I had been burned too badly in the past – would I ever be able to trust a pie-flavoured ice cream treat again? Could I look past the hurt and betrayal and let myself love? Was there any point in opening myself up anew?

The delightful Ro of Creampuff Revolution made a recent post on foods that are technically healthy because of their loose association with vegetables, and she featured the Pumpkin Pie Blizzard. Bolstered by her assurance that it really does taste good and I just had an unfortunate experience, I took a deep breath, squared my shoulders, and ordered: I’d like a small Pumpkin Pie Blizzard, please.

There were no cans of squash anywhere in sight. He scooped up some grainy dark orange goo into the cup, but I was encouraged – this looked like pie filling. He topped the goo with soft serve ice cream, smooshed it all up, and labouriously topped it off with a dollop of whipped topping and a sprinkle of cinnamon.

I stared at it a little before I could bring up the nerve to try it.

It was delicious.

I am no longer afraid of pie-flavoured ice cream treats, all because Ro gave me the courage to try again.

Ro is the wind beneath my wings!