I am Freaking Out, Man.

I am dangerously close to creating nicknames for things at work and turning it all into another fairy tale ala Cinderella (the original Space Station) and Pinocchio (the second Space Station). When that happens, things are bad.

But things aren’t bad, really. I still like my job and the company and the people I work with. These days I’m incredibly stressed out, but it has nothing to do with my ACTUAL job – I’ve somehow been sucked into this enormous blob-like project that is an all-encompassing black hole of catastrophe. I’m a technical writer, yet I’m running around like a fucking headless chicken trying to fix everything that’s wrong – and I don’t know how I got into this.

I have this weird super power that allows me to not only look at the Big Picture but very quickly adapt to whatever is missing from the chains of command. Okay, managers do that – great. Unfortunately, I don’t stop there – if something is broken, I will figure out how to fix it .. and then I will do it. Oh, I try to delegate – hey Bob, this isn’t working as it’s supposed to, can you fix it? But then Bob doesn’t fix it and he’s too busy so I end up learning how to tinker with the programming myself so I don’t have to wait until Bob is free. Multiply that times many, and I am now doing the work of four separate departments and trying to manage it all at the same time because clearly that is what I should be doing as a technical writer and trainer. Clearly.

Seriously, how did I get sucked into this project?

One thing that drastically differs from the fairy tale romances of the past is at least people are realizing that I am saving the day and are thanking me for it. That is new. I enjoy it.

In the end though, I really wish the tools would work as they’re supposed to and our warehouse would do things logically and follow my damn processes and that I didn’t have to jump into things halfway through and attempt to follow the tangled yarn through to the end.

I don’t *like* being stressed out. It makes everything else in my life seem overwhelming and daunting. When I get like this, everything clenches and things bother me: I don’t want to be touched, I don’t want people to ask me things, I don’t want to make plans. Things I was looking forward to see like an insurmountable hassle – like this weekend. I volunteered to help with the registration for the Thriller Dance and have to be at Kits Beach by 9am, but OH MAN WHAT A HASSLE IT IS TO GET UP AND PUT ON PAAAANTS. We’re going to Fright Night on Friday and I have to buy tickets but it is TOO MUCH WORK TO PRESS THOSE BUTTONS AND PRINT OUT THE TICKETS. So on and so forth – these are fun things, but right now I’m all whiny about them. I’m going to a hockey game on Saturday night, but OH MAN SITTING IN THE SEATS FOR THREE HOURS IS TOO HARD not to mention GETTING TO GM PLACE and FIGHTING THROUGH THE CROWD TO SKYTRAIN HOME. It’s all very difficult, and thinking about it gives me enormous ass marbles.

I will now take some deep breaths, and think about kittens.