speed reading for evil

Ed’s been studying like mad for his Big Insurance Exam all week, and it’s making him a little testy. I don’t blame him; not only is it one of those “for the good of your career” things, but we’ll be out $400 if he doesn’t pass the course. The exam is pretty intensive and on a great deal of material that he has to force himself to read because it’s so boring, so he’s been pretty grumpy about it all.

He’s been staying at work late each night to study because there are too many distractions at home (TV, video games, cats, naked wife), but last night he got home early. It seems one of his coworkers who is also studying for this exam is a study-talker – she learns by talking to herself. It was driving him crazy and shorting out his temper, so he left at 8 instead of staying until 10 as he planned.

When he got home he wasn’t in the best mood so naturally, we got into an argument about vampires.

I mentioned something about some articles I had seen several times that day on different websites, each listing vampires that were better than those found in Twilight. I don’t know why this was worth discussing, but I was feeling chatty (which I’m sure didn’t help things much at all). I rambled on about how stupid the whole Twilight thing was, and how I didn’t understand the adoration for a poorly written cast of characters who stand around being beautiful and not much else. There may have also been mocking. He listened to me prattle on about the books, comparing them to my much-loathed Anita Blake books (seriously, I hate that fucking series so much I could just vomit all over her black Nikes with a purple swoosh) and questioning the mental capacities of grown women claiming the Twilight books are the best things they’ve ever read.

Ed’s grumpiness, though, had had about enough.

“Have you even READ the books?”

“No, but –“

“Then how do you know they’re so bad?”

“I’ve read reviews and I know the gist –“

“If you haven’t read the books, you can’t really claim to know they’re so terrible.”

“But other people whose opinions I generally agree with on other topics have read them, and –“

“But YOU haven’t read the books, so looking down on others for bring so into them is kind of obnoxious, don’t you think?”

“Oooookay then. So, how was work today?”

I wasn’t really looking for a fight or a stern talking to, so I changed the subject.

I thought about what he said, though, and I’ve come to the conclusion that he’s right. I haven’t read the books, so my claims of the entire fad being ridiculous are pretty pointless. I’m fairly certain I know what the books contain, but until I actually pick them up and read them cover to cover, my opinion that they’re badly written and full of idiotic boring characters is not worth the space it takes up on the screen.

SO. In addition to this weekend’s plan of baking, hunting for some fabulous, and potentially photo walking, I will be getting the Twilight books and reading the entire series from cover to cover. It will not be pretty. I am sure there will be rage. But I will do it to prove to myself that the entire thing is stupid, and that watered down vampires are a waste of literary space, and that I can’t stomach vaguely threatening teenage angst and Mormon celibacy. THEN I can bitch all I want about it, and Ed can’t do squat because I will be basing my own opinions on what I read with my cold dead eyes. So there.

Revenge reading. Good times.

7 thoughts on “speed reading for evil

  1. Anita wasn’t “bad” until LKH decided that Anita needed to fuck the greater St. Louis area.

    I figure that Anita Blake is what happens when poor authors are allowed to Mary Sue. I assume Twilight is very similar, which is why I haven’t read it. No interest. Plus, I’m not really into teen lit nor am I into vampire romance books. :) But if someone else is, more power to ’em.

    30 Days of Night = TRUE vampire goodness. Period. :) Templesmith FTW!

  2. You could always just read the online pdf of the book she was going to publish from the dude’s point of view, until it was leaked. Then she just put it up for everyone.

    Then you don’t have to buy the books and it’s only 265 pages of badly written characters.

    (I can email it to you if you can’t find it.)

  3. I thought about that too, but I think I am going to gently love two birds with one hug – I’ll buy the book set I saw the other day, read it, then put it in one of those “Books for Christmas” donation bins. That way I can read them then pass them off to some unsuspecting soul who may actually WANT the books.

    (I’m a very fast, very gentle reader)

  4. I wonder if those books will be like the literary version of Bloodrayne*, the only movie I’ve ever actually stopped watching after pressing play.

    *I just found out from that article that they hired actual prostitutes to act in the movie to bring the cost down. WTF?

  5. Pingback: the lion fell in love with the lamb « delicious juice dot com

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