I don’t lose things. In fact, I’m one of those obnoxious people who know where everything is – I can tell you where your keys are, where you left your wallet, the location of that one thing you had that time at the place. I know where all my stuff is, and most likely yours. I am the Google of the household.

So it makes it that much more hard to accept when I actually do lose something and can’t for the life of me find it, regardless of how many times I tear the house apart.

In the last three months or so I lost my favourite necklace. No idea what happened to it; it just vanished. Gone. Nowhere to be found. I’m fucking choked about it; it was my favourite necklace and a gift from Ed and I wore it often. I took it off after work one day, and it disappeared into the void. I’ve looked *everywhere*, and the only thing I can think of is that a cat – most likely Lemon – batted it off whatever surface I placed it on, and it landed in the garbage or laundry bag or pile of stuff to be donated, and it’s gone forever. It makes my stomach hurt to think that, but I just can’t find it.

And if I feel that badly over losing a silver necklace, just think how delighted I am that I absolutely cannot find my wedding band anywhere in the house. I know I took it off one day *after* I had taken off the rest of my jewellery, then placed it on some surface that is not my desk. I’ve spent the better part of the week searching for it, and tonight saw me on my hands and knees with a dustbuster and a flashlight. No luck. Can’t find it. Losing a necklace is one thing, but this is my fucking wedding band and I’m worried I’ll never find it and .. fuck.

This sucks.

Oh, and naturally because I’m starting to lose things, I immediately assume I have Alzheimer’s. Being a melodramatic hypochondriac is not nearly all it’s cracked up to be.

UPDATE: Still no luck finding my wedding band, but Ed found my missing necklace under the couch, wrapped around a Zombie Ninja. YAY! One down, one to go!

6 thoughts on “lost

  1. Rea lost my grandmother’s wedding ring once. She thought she had thrown it out after eating a Quizno’s sub and had avocado goop all over her hands. I spent an hour digging through Quizno’s dumpster looking for a half of a banana pepper she had thrown out as she remembered the napkins that might have taken the ring were in the same pile of garbage. You have no idea how many half eaten banana peppers there are in a Quizno’s dumpster. It was the most disgusting thing ever and we didn’t find the ring in the end.

    Oddly enough, 6 months later, Ginger dog was sitting on the bed and Rea walked in only to find the ring laying next to the dog. Not sure how it got there, or why it appeared then, but I suspect there was a wormhole somehow involved. Either that or the dog stole it…

    So maybe your necklace and wedding ring will appear next to a cat at some time in the near future!

  2. I find the weirdest stuff under the couch and bed. I think having pets means that everything you own is a toy, and is theirs.

    Hopefully your wedding band will be found soon. I’m guessing your bondage reindeer is using it as a cock ring.

  3. I lost my engagement ring earlier this year and I therefore feel your pain. Where do these things GO? And why, even though I’m writhing on my stomach wearing a spelunking helmet, is the universe not returning it to me??

    I’m glad you found the necklace – and I hope that both our rings show up next to our pets.

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