The big box of cleaning goodies I received last week was pretty timely, all hopes of excitement aside. I woke up this morning utterly disgusted with our apartment – I don’t know that it’s ever been this dirty; not even during that week I spent raising pot-bellied pigs in the living room for bacon and profit.

There’s a common theme to each of the items in my last delivery: they’re all cleaning products made by Procter & Gamble. When my Mysterious Yet Practical Benefactor told me I would be receiving some P&G stuff, I hesitated before coming clean and relayed my dark past as a P&G employee. It didn’t seem to matter, and so the box appeared on my doorstep (aka the receptionist) full of sensible, wholesome things.

I’ve had previous experience using most of the things in the box. I was especially pleased about the Swiffer Wet Jet, as our old one is about to die – we use it to clean and disinfect our floors after Sasha pukes up the universe, so it gets used with unfortunate frequency and a good deal of success. The Mr. Clean Magic Erasers are good too; they’re the only things I’ve come across that can remove some of the mysterious stains that appear on the ceiling and they saved my life once, stemming the flow of pure unadulterated evil from our fridge in the Unspeakable Horror of 2008. We usually keep several on hand to clean up any accidents from my frequent abuse of hair dye and random murders.

I’m curious to see how the Febreze smelly products will work though. Being a couple of filthy hippies, we cover most unfortunate smells with Nag Champa incense but I will endeavor give the Febreze Noticeables a try. I’m not a fan of most chemical smell removers, so we’ll see if they can pass mustard ’round these parts.

It dawned on me this morning that I completely forgot to pick a winner of the Oral-B Vitality ProWhite fancy brush from last week’s sellout. All the images  submitted were awesome, but Meera’s picture made me choke on my frosty beverage. I can’t help but be amused and grossed out at the thought of having to share a toothbrush with anyone, let alone your significant other – so I will send her a package as soon as she emails me with her info.

Ed is watching the Superbowl and asking the cats to identify their poop in the litterbox. Who is this strange man, and how did he get into my apartment?