My performance review is in 4 short hours, and I am nervous. I am, however, dressed for success:

• New bra with good luck rhinestones
• Non-hobo jeans
• Fancy shoes with a heel
• Gold makeup (encourages additional wealth) instead of noxious green (encourages toxic waste)
• Write up of work completed in the last year
• Relatively hidden cleavage
• Impressed noises made by the AVP (annoying vice president and/or alien vs predator) when discussing my views on documentation before training (it’s basically like sex before marriage – awesome, useful, and should be mandatory)

I hate waiting for my inevitable doom.