I found my wedding ring.
It was under my laptop the whole time.
I have no idea how or why – I’ve looked there. It was the first place I looked, and the place I kept going back to check. When I take my bling off at the end of a long day of pimping, I put everything in a tray on my laptop. I swear I checked my desk a dozen times, moving my laptop and monitor and cables and the thousand other things that clutter my life. The ring wasn’t there. I moved all the furniture around my desk, spent hours on my hands and knees (shut up), used a Swiffer duster thing to poke into impossible spaces – no ring. This morning, I wasn’t even looking for it. After all, I thought it was gone forever and was planning to replace it. I was actually looking for a necklace that I wanted to wear today, and it wasn’t in the usual location by my typewriter. I wasn’t looking TOO hard; I didn’t even move the laptop – I just tilted my head and peered beneath it for a quick look (my laptop is propped up by four overturned tea lights because I am too lazy to buy a proper dock). I didn’t find the necklace – it was actually on the living room table – but I DID find my missing daisy hair clip, and .. wait, what’s that?
I didn’t have to pick it up before I knew what it was – the grooves on the bottom of the ring were unmistakable. It was my wedding band; the very one that has been missing for 3 months and that I had given up all hope of ever finding again.
What the hell.
Gremlins have been in my apartment. It’s the only explanation. I might have known – last night I found the cap to my water bottle that I’ve been missing for several months; it was under the bed. Something is playing tricks on me. I may have to zip tie all my belongings down so they stop walking away.
I’m completely stoked to have my ring back, and I may never take it off again. Once again, I am a highly respectable sophisticated married lady. I was really worried for those three months that someone might take me for a harlot, but everything is good again – I no longer fear illegitimacy! I am not a wanton slut!
Hooray for ring finding! This has been the best Earth Day EVER!