My weekend is going to be a marathon of errands – so many that I had to buy an iPhone app to keep track of all the stuff I have to do – but I am itching to get out of the office and get started. Everything I have to do this weekend will get me that much closer to VACATION, so it’s all for good instead of evil. 14 loads of laundry? Bring it on! Sitting in a doctor’s office for 2 hours waiting for a 30-second appointment to get a prescription refill? Hooray! Going to Real Canadian Superstore on a Saturday to do groceries? Fantastic!

Okay, that last one isn’t vacation related at all but it should be tasty nonetheless. I’ve been given an assortment of sauces to try on an assortment of meats (for which I have 100% off coupons), and since there is no meat like free meat I will be picking up some stuff to devour on Sunday. Free meat! Wicker suitcase! It is all kinds of awesome.

People often ask me how they can get free meat of their very own. Usually I offer to lend them Ed for a couple hours, but this time the free meat is literal and not pornographic. I will share the juicy details shortly, but in the meantime, I ask that you all take heed of my wordless warning below – Beware the Butcher.

He is coming for you.

Stay a while, and listen!