Turns out I’m not actually married to Ed.

Drunk Betty had a drunken conversation at him this morning in which she named Shan to be his wife. This discovery is only cemented by the fact that I picked up my camera this morning, only to realize that it wasn’t mine – I had grabbed Shan’s camera on Saturday night by mistake. Or did I? It seems that I am the Other Woman in this little triangle; maybe her things were in the apartment all along and I am just a mistaken whore. Oh, the shame!

This hasn’t been the greatest week for me. I haven’t been getting enough sleep at night, so I’ve been trying to go to bed early. Turns out I’ve been going to bed TOO early – I fell asleep last night before I could do my usual night routine, and ended up sleeping unclean, unmedicated, and in one position all night. I woke up with a headache so bad I had been dreaming about being sick and throwing up for hours, and right now I’m staggering around the office looking like I spent the evening going several (unsuccessful) rounds with Johnny Walker.

One of the reasons I was able to sleep for as long as I did is because our downstairs neighbours (who shall henceforth be known as the Chlamydia Sisters) didn’t make a peep all night, which was refreshing. They are on everyone’s shit list, apparently – the Ineffective Landlord had words with them, they pissed off the building manager by buzzing him at 4:30am to be let in, and they are the reason yet another Common Sense note has gone up in the lobby. They also managed to lose their dog in the building, which showed up (and peed) on the building manager’s doorstep. He just so happens to have a girlfriend who works for Animal Control, so this could get interesting pretty quickly. This is at least the second time they’ve lost the dog (of which they share custody with an ex-boyfriend) in the building, and they’ve lost the cat several times the same way. The Chlamydia Sisters are not very bright – seriously, what kind of adult is so incredibly ignorant that people have to post notes on the bulletin board reminding people not to:

• slam doors
• smoke in, or, or within touching distance of the non-smoking building
• buzz random apartments at 4am because you forgot your keys
• tell your friends to just “buzz anyone” because they can’t remember your suite number
• throw food and household garbage into the recycling container
• let your pets use the hallway as a toilet
• lose your pets in the building at all

I can’t wait to move.

I’m nervous about that, too. Today is Inspection Day, and I am armed with all sorts of things I imagine one might need for an Inspection:

• Measuring tape
• Super Mario pencil
• Clipboard that is also a chalkboard
• Magnifying glass
• Deerstalker hat
• Condoms
• Ketchup
• Someone’s camera
• A single plum, floating in perfume, served in a man’s hat

Today is really the Second to Last Big Hurdle. We read over 3 years worth of strata minutes last night, and it was boring – which is good, because we don’t *want* an exciting strata. Nothing raised any red flags (except perhaps the line about all window coverings needing to be beige or white – there go my plans for a Very Plaid Christmas), but we do have a few questions. Still, I worry. It’s a hobby of mine.

I would love for this headache to go away.