It may not be as meaningful as the Royal Christmas Message (for starters, I’m pretty sure the Queen is clothed while making her speech), but here is my annual holiday message:

Merry Christmas, y’all. Here’s to a happy holiday season full of friends and family and food and fairy dust and frankincense and other good words that start with “F”.

Like “fucking”. Fucking starts with F. I hope your holiday season is full of frantic, fabulous, frenzied fantastic fucking.

All fornication aside, I hope you and yours will have a memorable holiday season. As for me, I’m off to spend my holidays with some of my favourite people in the world – and if that isn’t what the season is all about, then we’re doing it wrong and we’re okay with that.

Love and inappropriateness,

Delicious Juice Dot Kimli