Things I assume my upstairs neighbour was doing at 1:30am, based on the noise:
- Turn-Based Elephant Wrestling
- Standing on a chair and trying to kill a rodent by throwing a bowling ball at it
- Filming a slow-motion 1865 sex scene: throwing lead-lined clothing off piece by piece in a fit of snail-paced passion
- Being dismembered by a clumsy serial killer
- Drunken Olympic training featuring a medicine ball and an equally drunk sparring partner
- Passive-aggressive late night assholing
I’m somewhat sorry to announce that we’ve officially nicknamed a neighbour (The Troll doesn’t count; her bone-littered underground cave is not actually in our building): the tenant living above us shall henceforth be known as Stompy McElephant. I don’t know what she does – I personally think it has something to do with being the Hot Stepper – but it’s LOUD. She walks full of angry, and possibly wearing clogs. It sucks.
Ed tried to go up and talk to her about it, but she started vacuuming at the same instant he left and couldn’t be heard at the door. We met her daughter in the elevator the following evening and asked her about it – while they did install hardwood floors up there, they don’t do jumping jacks. We asked if they could make an effort to walk a little less emphatically, and the daughter was mortified and apologized and promised to talk to her mom. Problem solved!
.. for about 24 hours or so; then it was back to the caber tossing on the 4th floor.
Last night was the worst. I accidentally fell asleep really early and woke up dehydrated and uncomfortable at 11:30. I played some iPhone games for an hour to make myself sleepy, and turned back in just after 1am. I had just drifted off to a sleep filled with styrofoam glory holes (seriously, I had some raging homo dreams last night and they were confusing and great) when CRASH! One of the above listed scenarios happened. I fluffed my pillow and rolled over, getting comfortable again – then BOOM! Elephants! This happened several times – just as I’d start drifting again, KAPOW! ANAL INVADERS! I don’t know what the hell was happening up there, but it was fucking annoying and enough to startle me quite badly. As a result, I am tired and out of sorts this morning.
If this keeps up, Ed will have to go Have Words with Stompy McElephant and her angry lead shoes. In addition to literally shaking our walls the stomping gives me nasty flashbacks – I keep expecting my mother to come downstairs and yell at me nonsensically about something someone else did, then berate me for an hour before grounding me for 2 weeks. Is it possible to have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder due to my childhood? Where’s my ticker tape parade, man?
And to think – I got to pay the City of Vancouver $786.00 this morning just for fun! Being a home owner is AWESOME!
Okay, I’m working now. Watch me go!
delicious juice dot com 
I completely understand. I too have a family of elephants living above me. They have a tiny elephant who likes to RUN! instead of walk whenever she moves.
aah, but now that you are a member of the almighty strata-council (rather than at the mercy of the ineffective landlord), you can just write a letter to the council and complain. a fine might just set them straight.
I live in a 100 year old house in the ground floor suite. Everyday my upstairs neighbours drop stuff on the ground and it’s loud AS.
I wonder what they are doing? We figure they have a large rock they throw on the ground when we turn the CBC up too loud. Oh yeah they also vacuum obsessively.
This is a problem with old Vancouver buildings.
“Nothing to be done.”
-Waiting for Godot
That’s what worries me – I’m NOT in an old Vancouver building; we’re in a brand new condo that opened up last year. :(
Whoa. That’s crazy! Isn’t there concrete between you and your neighbour?
McElephant Pants indeed.
Can I offer advice as a former building manager? Don’t confront them yourselves again, it’ll only aggravate Ms.Elephant, keep track of when it happens – day/time, then write a complaint to strata council & send a copy. Noise bylaws are for quiet enjoyment of your home after 10pm so council should be able to do something for you.
There was a family of elephants in our old building who jumped around so much the neighbour below’s light fixture fell off the ceiling! He wrote several letters of complaint which got the stompers fined and they eventually moved.
We had the dance party beeyotches living next door to us blasting techno at all hours and one letter with the threat of a fine did the trick.For a while anyways! Apparently once we moved they were back it…
Council can’t do anything without a written complaint or written record of what the neighbour is doing. :)
Please tell me the raging homo dreams were about me. Even if that’d be lying.
Did your neighbour vacuum in the middle of the night? Just wondering, since that’s what mine did until I told her to please not do that. Thankfully she listened. As someone who hates to clean, I don’t understand anyone wanting to do it at 4 am.
Do they have cats or a dog? When our cats chase ech other or the dogs play upstairs it sounds horrible downstairs.
Hardwood (probably cheap laminate, cheaply installed) in a low-rise wood frame condo, is a recipe for disaster.
Most stratas learn and pass by-laws barring them, but owners that install hardwood before the law is passed get to keep them. I’m sure all they are doing is walking around normally, but without any good cushioning every footstep reverberates and sounds like a herd of elephants over head.