I may have discovered the most horrible thing in the world!

I was in dire need of hydration last night so I grabbed a water bottle to fill and bring to bed. When I picked it up, it seemed a little heavy and also rattled. I didn’t think much of it – it was late and I was tired – but then I opened it up to give it a quick rinse.

There was ooze. Thick, chunky ooze in a vast array of colours. I peered into the bottle, and – oh god, no.

I hadn’t used this particular bottle in at least four months; before we moved into Sparta. I vaguely remembered taking it to work and shoving a lemon wedge inside so I could enjoy lemon water with my routers. I assume I had brought it home so I could wash it, but .. well, I didn’t. It sat there for weeks and was eventually moved from North Van to my shiny new kitchen, with a piece of lemon quietly rotting away inside. Have you ever smelled something that’s been slowly breaking down in a near-vacuum for a very long time? It is not pleasant. In fact, I blame the smell on why I was unable to sleep until almost 2am. The smell, and being tea bagged by a 22-pound cat.

The weekend was both productive and quiet at the same time. Friday night saw us over at Miranda and Reilly’s place for Tanya’s goodbye party – she’s leaving with Barry to live in Calgary next week, so we all gathered to drink and be merry in her honour. I got to test out the Smuttons, which went over surprisingly well – people were clamoring to get their piece of naughtiness. Reilly made a killer video of the evening that you should really check out here, and you can even play “Guess the Rack” on Tanya’s Twitpic account as she went around taking pictures of everyone’s boobs. Can you figure out which set is mine?

Errands on a gorgeous Saturday had me on my scooter for most of the afternoon, and a visit to Voltage and Bodacious got me some yummy things. I even decorated Lola a little before going home to sit out the headache that came crashing down on me and made me sad. Ed trapped me into watching a movie with him – Black Dynamite – and I made so many buttons.

Sunday I did nothing. Well, I did four loads of laundry and made some tachos to eat during the Oscars, but other than that I did nothing. I cut out many more rounds for my buttons, including every penis I could find in my Playgirl – so many peeners! None of them are particularly sexy though, because erections aren’t allowed for some reason – so I have a whole lot of flaccid wangs in button form. Yay? The Man Smuttons will be a limited thing, because unless I can get my hands on some INTERESTING peener porn I will stick to the ladies – so much more fun.

This week I’m heading to Victoria to accompany my mother to her cataract surgery on her other eye. I did this by myself last July, and it completely broke my brain – so this time, I’m making Ed come with me. He’s so much better at dealing with my mother than I am. I might even make it through the weekend with my sanity intact!

EEEEEEEE MY CORSETS JUST ARRIVED! GOTTA GO!

next step: a baby doll strapped to my back