I did go to the Apple store to plead my case – give me a free iPod Touch – but I left empty handed, after talking to nobody.

Because this is the sensible thing to do, you see.

I still think I should qualify for the deal, because I bought my iMac 3 days before it was announced. If I had known, I would have waited. That being said, I went to the store and read the fine print – it’s a mail-in rebate for the cost of the iPod, meaning you pay for it up front and eventually get your money back. When I had been buying my computer, I may very well have gone for the deal in the heat of the moment. Taking time to think about it, however, made me realize just how stupid it would be to spend $250 on something I don’t need, just for fun. And then what? I’d be stuck with a piece of hardware I have less than zero need for; not even half a little. I already HAVE a 16GB iPod Touch that’s collecting dust on my nightstand; why would I add an 8GB Touch to it? That would be stupid, so I didn’t do it and instead I bought a taco. It came with free tomatoes; no mail-in rebate required.

That was all my energy and common sense for the month, though. I am completely knackered, and moments away from being made into glue.

Things that are less clammy than me at this moment:

• Your 8th grade crush
• A round of spicy Caesars at the bar
• Actual clams

I hate being sick.