All new cars are apparently supposed to have this new, “idiot-proof” dashboard light installed:

I’m not an idiot – a little flighty, perhaps, and definitely lacking in common sense when the alternative is more fun than behaving – but I can’t figure out what the fuck this thing is supposed to tell me. My best guesses:

• Holy Shit: You’re pregnant
• Warning: Potbelly stoves are now in vogue
• Pleated Pants: Make your gut look huge
• Danger: Headbutting Klingon cyclops ahead
• You just unlocked the Apathetic Hipster badge!
• Notice: A new Nerd Merit Badge has been released – go buy it now, Kimli!
• Beware: Swelled heads in turtleneck sweaters
• Go Ahead: It’s just a wafer-thin mint
• Warning: your message exceeds the FDA-recommended level of excitement
• Master Chief is surprised!
• Warning: Shit just got serious
• The Punisher: Has really let himself go

In other news, boys are really annoying – while trying to come up with somewhat plausible explanations for the symbol, I showed it to Ed. “That looks like a tire; it probably has to do with low tire pressure” – what the fuck, dude. Of course he’s right – but way to make me feel like the whole world obviously knows what that thing is and I’m the only one silly enough to think it has anything to do with Halo. AS IF. Admit it – my possible solutions make much more sense (and are way more fun).