if my life had a face i would punch it

There is no part of this that doesn’t make perfect sense to me:

in the next panel there is danger!

So, you’ve likely noticed that I’ve been tinkering with themes lately. This one is a little stark, but I think I’ll keep it – I was able to make things all orange and stuff. I miss my orange boxes, kind of – this is a much cleaner substitute. Plus, my oranges are back. Now I feel proper.

Um, so how’s by you? I really don’t have anything of quality to say. There’s a bunch of little things – I filled out all the paperwork for our cruise, so we’re ready to go on an Adventure even if we end up sleeping on a park bench because I can’t find a hotel in Seattle for the night of the 25th; I’m having a seedy affair with a man in a top hat and he frustrates me nightly; you really ought to follow my App Blog because I’m still posting cool stuff daily; I haven’t seen any of my friends in almost two weeks and I forget what they look like. It’s status quo over here, and I guess that’s okay but it’s times like these that I almost wish someone would ancient Chinese curse me just so I’d have something interesting to deal with.

Oh wait, here’s something. This Saturday will be the 5th anniversary of my dad’s highly suspicious death*, which is weird to think about. I feel like I should be on my knees in the rain yelling up to the heavens, but I’m really not – when I realized the date, my initial reaction was “huh.”. It’s not that I don’t care – I care very much; you all know that – but the grief that kicked me in the balls last year made me realize that if I want a day to celebrate my dad, it’s kind of inappropriate for that day to be the date of his passing. I’d much rather drink a toast to my dad and all his awesomeness on his birthday so I can remember good things; not be soggy with sadness as I remember his last moments. It seems masochistic to celebrate something so sad, y’know? And how long does it go on? Is there a moratorium on yearly grief? Should I be over this, or is it one of those things you never really get over but just learn to live with? So many questions with no firm answers.

I’ll see what Saturday brings, but as of right now, I’m not planning on wallowing in sadness. Dad would have probably told me to stop moping and go outside anyway. I’ll celebrate his life on his birthday; there is nothing comforting about celebrating the unusual circumstances* surrounding someone’s death.

6 thoughts on “if my life had a face i would punch it

  1. I think the grief is something you learn to live through. My mom’s deathiversary was on Sept. 8th and marked fifteen years. I have officially lived over half my life without her and I still have moments of profound sadness. It’s less overwhelming as the time passes. Most days I can handle it, and her birthday/deathiversary has been more tolerable each year. Now I am planning my wedding and inheriting a step-son, when I think about it too hard I admit my eyes will leak. I will curse at the Gods. It’s like it was just yesterday. So yes, it gets tolerable, but I don’t think it will ever be “easy”.

  2. i’m sorry you’re feeling a bit blue… but just try to combat the sadnesss with all the good memories. i definitely think you should celebrate the heck out of his birthdate.

    as for your seattle accommodations, have you checked out http://www.airbnb.com?

    i used them 3 times for my amsterdam and brussels trip in june. cheap and cheerful. some rentals are completely private, renting out their whole place.

    http://bottlinglightning.blogspot.com/2010/06/welcome-to-amsterdam.html

    http://bottlinglightning.blogspot.com/2010/06/to-brussels-i-go.html

    http://bottlinglightning.blogspot.com/2010/06/dark-and-light.html

    hope that helps. so excited for your cruise! i wish i was going on a cruise.

  3. My sister has been gone for 4.5 years and I am in the same boat greif wise. It hasn’t gotten easier, but I think I have learned to tolorate my feelings better. On her deathiversery I usually plan something fun, not to distract myself, but to celebrate my life (sometimes I have guilt that I am alive and she is not, celebrating my life and how lucky I am is part of combating that). On her birthday, I usually go for dinner with my parents and try to celebrate her life.

  4. I worked on cruise ships for a while, so what ship are you going on and to where? Also for your own cruise ship sanity last year I wrote a 3 part series on cruising maybe you should read it;
    http://theemperorhasnotoque.blogspot.com/2009/09/cruise-ship-vacations-un-censored-part.html

    http://theemperorhasnotoque.blogspot.com/2009/09/cruise-ship-vacations-un-censored-part_07.html

    http://theemperorhasnotoque.blogspot.com/2009/09/cruise-ship-vacations-un-censored-part_25.html

  5. Pingback: backfired | delicious juice dot com: unapologetically inappropriate

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