Okay, I’m coming down now. That was a perilous couple of hours, and I’m not totally grounded just yet – don’t ask me to do any math, and I should be okay.

I’m at least able to concentrate long enough to print the necessary documents for our trip this coming weekend. I really hope I beat this thing before then, because I’m really looking forward to it: a train ride! A random mystery hotel! TIME ON A BOAT! I am excited.

There’s a lot of paperwork involved in this. I realize that most cruises are multiple-day things and you’ll want to make sure you’ve got everything you need, but 10 pages of instructions for a 14-hour tour seems a little excessive to me; as does the dress code of “Smart Casual Nights”. I have no idea what that means – it sounds like a terrible Avon perfume. I read further, and found that Smart Casual means I’m going to have to re-think what I shove into my backpack for this trip. Other people may have the luxury of bringing additional items – the online check-in helpfully told me I could print up to 10 luggage tags at once – but I’m planning on traveling really lightly. I had planned on bringing a dress, but I’m not packing “Smart Casual Nights” shoes – the dress will be worn with Doc Martens, and they’ll LIKE it dag nabbit. It goes on to say that we should bring swimsuit(s), cover-ups (that may have been written for me specifically), and good deck-walkin’ shoes. I plan on cramming a lot of Cruise into the short time we have on board, so I will do all of these things. I wonder how many boobs I should show? They ask that we “complement your fellow guests” by observing the dress code – this is all very complicated. I am just going to go with my usual: a lot of boobs in a dress and boots. It will have to do.

I can apparently upgrade our trip with all sorts of things. I don’t think the “Shore Excursions” really applies to us, but next time we cruise I am so going to book time on a floating ocean horse:

i want a floating pony!

I can also pre-order all the booze ever at outrageous markups to be waiting in the room when we get there, but I think I’ll skip that part. I wonder if I’ll need to smuggle Diet Coke on board? I better save backpack room, just in case.

All this is for a celebration, really – today is our 8th wedding anniversary. Ed surprised me with a card (filled with secret cocks) this morning, but I’ve been too sick to even think about it so I’ll have to make it up to him later. Traditional gifts for an 8th anniversary are bronze or pottery; modern gifts are appliances or linen. None of those seem very romantic to me at all – are you supposed to be past romance at year 8? I mean, I do want a blender, but not as an anniversary gift. Oral sex is still popular, right? Maybe I’ll just give him that.

I should eat. Maybe I’ll come down faster if I eat.