Another huge lottery jackpot, another lecture from my mother because I don’t buy lottery tickets. It can’t hurt! You never know! You need money to live! It’s better to spend $30 on lottery tickets than going out to eat! You can’t win unless you buy! I’m due for a huge jackpot any day now! If your work goes in and buys tickets, don’t be afraid to give them money! You could hit the big one! It’s just $5 or $10 or $100 dollars, that’s nothing! FUCK OFF!
I hate lottery tickets; everyone knows this. I also really, really hate the bizarro-land lectures from my mother because I don’t buy them. She honestly thinks that it’s completely foolish of me not to gamble, because I COULD WIN! MONEY! And then BOY, wouldn’t my life be SUPER! I could go on for hours about how backwards and offensive this is, but it would fall on deaf ears – so I just swallow my bile and spew it out on the internet, where it’ll do just as little good but at least make me feel better. I know it’s pointless to try and change my mother, so I won’t even try – but as it’s pretty much the only thing she ever talks about, it can make conversations with her pretty awkward and one-sided. I can usually placate her by telling her that Ed buys lottery tickets – he does, but he doesn’t tell me about it and I look the other way. It makes my stomach hurt, actually. I am not a fan.
Yesterday we had grand plans to have a low key Halloween Eve with beer, fireworks and pie. The beer and pie were easy enough to do, but it proved to be far too wet for any decent explosive fun: we shelved the idea until tonight, when we will join the masses and blow shit up for the sake of pretty colours and loud noises. The evening was still very enjoyable though; we ordered food in from Incendios, had a blast playing with Reilly’s music collection via the iTunes Remote, and devoured a massive pumpkin pie from Costco the size of a small car. With any luck, the rain will hold off after dark for long enough for us to get our bang on – but either way, I’m good. I put 98% of my Halloween energy into our office party on Friday, so I’m kind of okay with low key even with all the bitching I did about having NOTHING TO DO earlier in the week. Which is dumb, as I’ve actually done a lot of stuff this weekend – got a wikked haircut, had dim sum with friends, devoured an aforementioned pie – it’s just not in costume, is all. And that’s okay. Every day is pretty much a costume for me, so I don’t feel the need to wear a mask tonight. Maybe I’ll wear my sequined, feathered devil horns though – I love those things.
And who knows – maybe I’ll take that $30 and go out for dinner instead of buying lottery tickets. Take that, mom. I truly enjoy not listening to your advice. Neener neener!
i am pretty sure the safety instructions tell you not to do this with sparklers
delicious juice dot com 
It’s funny how the * infinitesimal chance* to win a huge amount of money for a small (but over time, large) amount of money isn’t as appealing as putting the small (but over time large) amount of money into an investment account where it will grow eventually into a pretty decent, guaranteed amount of money. People’s brains are crazy. Ever used one of those lotto simulators? I haven’t even won with one of THOSE and that’s FREE.
Lottery tickets can be fun – I’ve played a few times with coworkers – if it’s entirely an entertainment thing, as long as you realize it’s not about winning money, because, well, you won’t. And if people MUST gamble, they’re much better off betting on something that requires actual skill, because then at least they can raise the odds by their own efforts, however small the increase might be. But provincial/state/country lotteries are entirely a windfall for governments, and the billions that millions of people pour into them – without winning – wouldn’t be so bad if the money went to build schools, where people learned MATH. Alas…
Yeah, your mom is weird. You should switch places with someone with a real gambling problem so she can see what it’s like to have her child MAYBE. WIN. MONEY! over and over and over until there’s no money left.
Have you seen this lottery simulator? You plug in your numbers and it plays them once, twice a week for a year, or twice a week for ten years. The amount you win versus the amount you spend is quite illuminating:
“In the 191,904 times this simulation has run, players have won $19,126. And by won I mean they have won back $19,126 of the $191,904 they spent (9%).”
Perhaps your mother should try it :)
(Full disclosure: we buy maybe five tickets a year)