I am about this awake:
All I want to do is go home and sleep, but I have a Discount Ham to prepare.
Today has been a good mail day: I received a shiny little pile of lead and a bag of blood. Score!
Yeah, I kind of phoned this update in. Sorry about that.
delicious juice dot com 
On behalf of the Concerned Union of Lower Mainland Bloggers (CULMB… yeah, I’ve got nothing) I have to report that we are disappointed about the quality of the update. If update quality does not improve, we will be forced to keep hitting F5 until you post a new, better update. CONSIDER YOURSELF WARNED.
Dude, I opened myself up to possible Karmic Wrath by pretending to be pregnant for your amusement – SOMETIMES I NEED A REST TOO! I’M A REAL BOY WITH REAL FEELINGS, JUST LIKE YOU!
That’s a lie. Boys don’t have feelings. We got testicles instead.
“Pile of lead and a bag of blood”? You were shot?