Zombies are popular. I can name dozens of zombie-related things – movies, video games, instructional manuals – off the top of my head. Also popular are post-apocalyptic scenarios, in which mankind stubbornly refuses to succumb to the elements/radiation/undead/disease/alien invasion/vengeful plants/Nicolas Cage. I’ve been submerged in worst case scenario survival since the time I could read, and coupled with my love of video games (automatically makes me a trained killer), I am reasonably certain I could predict and react to whatever comes my way. I am just one person – there are millions like me; training for the inevitable disguised as entertainment. Most of them have better aim than I do. Some of them have ready access to weapons. All of us know what to do when a rotting hulk of mindless, hungry flesh shambles our way.

When the zombie apocalypse hits, I think we’re gonna be just fiiiiiiine.

My Monday isn’t so much manic as it is sleepy, dragging and kind of numbing. There is nothing going on right now – no fun packages in the mail; no shocking or hilarious incidents to regale you with. I am tired because I didn’t sleep well last night. I am looking forward to my Death Pasta leftovers for lunch, although it means I will be smelly for the rest of the day.

I have very exciting things coming in the mail; I am disappointed that none of them arrived this morning.

Here is a Dali-esq picture of Hunter S. Thompson. Perhaps it will blow your mind:

is your mind not blown?

Here is a fake panorama of my desk:

click for embiggening

Wake me when it’s time to go home.

Okay, a late post is still a post – I’m still in the game. We had a full Sunday stuffed with breakfast, music, cats and zombies – just a regular day around these parts, but all good just the same.

My only regret for this day? Making Death Pasta while Ed was watching The Walking Dead. Do you have ANY IDEA how disturbing it is to mix ground beef and a thousand hobo spices when a zombie is being chopped up in glorious HD to be used as perfume? It kind of made my stomach roll. I don’t recommend it.

Watching the Autumn Portrait at HMV this afternoon was fun, though:

autumn portrait, dali-style

Other things done this weekend:

• Enjoyed many scallops at the Pinnacle Hotel in North Van, where Blayne and Melissa had a reception to celebrate their marriage last month
• Got trapped in Park Royal
• Two words: Velvet Elvis
• Bought matches at Roots, because that’s what you do at an upscale clothing retailer
• Fed Josh and Shan’s cats in North Van
• Met Heather’s new kitties
• Bought a discounted owl

Um. I’m sleepy. Gonna eat some zombie pasta now. Content? Pshaw. It’s Sunday. Leave me ‘lone.

I’m trying to win a contest, kinda: Hipstamatic is calling for photo entries using their Dali GoodPak. I’ve entered a couple of shots so far – if you like them, can you please tweet the info under the image? That would be super. If I win, I will grow a wacky Dali-esq mustache and give out bristly kisses.

like it? tweet "'I LIKE THIS IMAGE OK: http://hpstm.tc/22ww by @kimli #hipstamatic plz RT"

like it? tweet "LOL MELTING IS RAD: http://hpstm.tc/22gp by @kimli #hipstamatic plz RT"

I’m pretty sure I can do better, so I might have more entries later – but I kinda like these ones too. If you do as well (or even if you hate them, hence the pretending part), tweet up a storm for me so Hipstamatic takes notice. Each tweet containing the picture URL and #hipstamatic is an entry, and the grand prize is a trip to the museum in Florida. Don’t so much care about Florida or flying, but I love Dali’s art and adventure, so I thought I’d throw my goggles into the ring.

Shameless plug: done!

CTV? Done it. Global? *yawn*. CBC? Multiple times.

CNN? Okay, that’s new.

\o/

SQUEEEEEEE! LOOK WHAT JUST CAME IN THE MAIL!

i hit it with my head and money came out

What could possibly be inside?

nintendo presents !!!!

I am seriously more excited about the box than I am the statue, because I knew it was coming – but the box is SO AWESOME. I envision much box-related hilarity to follow! Maybe a photo shoot! I know people with mushrooms; we could totally make this happen!

SQUEEEEE!

Also, this has nothing to do with anything written above but is just fantastic:

George Takei is awesome. He makes my heart glad.

It just wouldn’t be Thursday if I didn’t end up covered in cheese and gravy at some point.

I’m busy at work and have no time to write anything interesting. Instead, you should read yesterday’s update – it’s very funny; trust me – and then go over to my App Blog where I posted a huge and useful update this morning. That’s where all my energy went, actually. Sorry ’bout that.

Oh, and I’m a total douchebag now. More on that later!

The question mark is important here – so far, this potential downfall has been met with mutual hysterics (unlike the shocked silence that met my previous korporate downfall), but if the laughter gets just a little bit too loud and goes a little bit too far .. well, it could be unfortunate. But I can’t help it. It’s just SO FUNNY and SO TERRIBLE.

Spell check is a necessary evil that is too often used as a crutch. Toss in a little ESL and some fast fingers, and you have a recipe for total disaster. I’ve already complained about equipment being “over-knighted” to a customer location, and how our “tool-free” technical support would be happy to take your calls .. but this is so much WORSE.

We had an outage at work, and unfortunately, we didn’t make things work again in a very timely manner. There was a lot of miscommunication and frustration on all sides, and when the smoke had cleared, the VP (my former BossBoss; now just my Sideways Boss) sent out an apology email to the customer that had suffered through our mistakes. This is all fine and good, and definitely not unusual. However, the VP is always too busy to worry about proper spelling and grammar. Most people ignore this, but you know me – I die a little inside every time I see a tragic mistake that someone (with my mad skillz) should have caught. Sure, I put a mandatory spell checker policy in place, but it doesn’t always help – after all, it’s not smart enough to know if you’re using the correct word; it just wants your words to be spelled right.

And this is how the VP came to send out an email apologizing for “the incontinence”.

That’s bad, right? It makes you cringe with awkward embarrassment. I should have KNOWN that no good could possibly come from a co-worker asking me to verify what “incontinence” meant, but oh how I wish it was just an idle question.

Slightly horrified, I brought the mistake to the attention of my former boss and suggested that maybe we could ask him to have someone else check the VP’s Important Customer Emails BEFORE he sends them out. I had been volunteered on a company-wide basis to do this for our CEO a few months back, and I was happy to do it – I wasn’t suggesting that *I* be the one to eyeball the VP’s outgoing email, but that *someone* should do it. The idea was quickly smacked down – VP! Can do what he wants! Bad Kimli! Yes this is hilarious, but SHHH! So, I went on my way.

Curious, I looked at the outgoing email again. I wanted to see what had happened, and how we screwed up – on the record, it was so I could see if there were any training opportunities here, but really I was just being nosy.

And that’s when I discovered that our VP had just apologized for “the incontinence” to a bathroom supply company.

That, I just discovered, makes products for elderly or disabled people.

I am too scared to say “this could only be worse if …”, even if I laughed so hard I cried (and immediately ran around to tell Former Boss and Visiting Co-worker, who brought the whole thing to my attention).

I am going to korporate hell.

I get asked to work miracles all the time, because I am just that awesome. However, if the miracle I’ve been asked to produce is basically a shortcut for YOU but creates a metric clusterfuck of bad for literally EVERY OTHER DEPARTMENT, my answer may just be a non-censored “suck it up, princess”.

On the upside, magical mystery cupcakes keep appearing in our lunchroom and I am enjoying the sugar boost. It’ll go nicely with the discount salad I have for lunch.

So, BC’s premiere resigned today. I’m far more amused at the mental imagery of him “summoning the media” – picture  Gordon Campbell with a wand, shouting “ACCIO MEDIA!” mere moments before the press conference, and see if you don’t giggle a little.

Yeah, I didn’t have to look up summoning spell at all. It’s funny how I can’t remember my bank account number, but I know spells from Harry Potter and can recall them in passing to use in idle conversation.

I kept Esther‘s mustache taped to my cubical in case of emergency, but it’s kind of hard to explain – and when I do, I get even more weird looks than usual. Someone is visiting from our Toronto office, and he’s not quite sure what to make of me. That’s okay though. I know what to make of me, and it’s usually cookies.

Hey, look at this smug motherfucker right here:

i hate this guy! so smug!

At this moment, I have seven pairs of prescription glasses at my desk. This might be overkill, but it sure is highly defined!

This is a relatively new habit of mine, and one I’m not sure I want to give up. Part of my benefits include a spending account to cover things that might fall under the “other” category – overspending on drugs or wacky dental issues, physical therapy, regular therapy. A lot of people use their spending accounts for massages, but I kind of really hate them (I know; that’s weird) so I use my meager amount for something else: dressing up my eyeballs. We don’t have a defined vision plan, so every year I use the money for glasses.

This is where the problem comes in: my prescription is laughable weak and hasn’t changed in 10 years, and Clearly Contacts sells cool frames at ridiculous prices (even if they frighten easily). It’s far, far too easy to order a whole bunch of glasses at once for maximum gratification – case in point, as I just ordered three new pairs (total bill: $195). I used the website’s virtual mirror to figure out what wouldn’t be hideous, and it looks like I did a good job – all three pairs are made of awesome (and in some cases, rhinestones). Yay! Fanciness for my eyeballs! I am pleased at my overkill.

I just realized that this blog post sounds like a love letter to Clearly Contacts, but it’s really not – and even if it was, the love would be unrequited because of my terrifying and inappropriate content. Last week on Twitter, @clearlycontacts reached out Vancouver’s Only Blogger to see if she wanted to give away some freebies on her website – so naturally I piped up and asked that they share the blog love. They did ask me for my URL, which I freely gave .. and then they disappeared into the night, leading me to believe that I am not the right type of blogger for them. Sure, I update daily and have been around forever and have a loyal following of crazy people that I love dearly, but .. y’know, I’m not right. To give away stuff. To my readers. On behalf of companies looking for a kind word.

Whatever. Clearly Contacts still provides great products at very nice prices and excellent customer service (this is probably the third order I’ve placed with them; my second order had problems that were dealt with quickly and nicely), so I don’t mind waxing poetry about them (for FREE, even). My positive review can’t be bought .. but it would have been nice to be able to share some love for once that didn’t hurt my grocery budget at the end of the week.

My glasses have *rhinestones*!

i see see see you