This could be the worst or greatest idea I’ve ever had in my life:
I know you’re supposed to check your boobs/balls frequently for any lumps or suspicious changes, but that doesn’t really work if you’re a melodramatic hypochondriac like I am:
“OH MY GOD I FOUND A LUMP I AM TOTALLY DYING”
“Let me see – where?”
“HERE! CAN YOU FEEL IT? I HAVE SEVENTEEN CANCERS!!”
“.. Kimli, that’s your nipple.”
I’d like to be vigilant about the early signs of cancer, but I am just not that bright. EVERYTHING feels like a lump to me, even things that are obviously not lumpy in any way.
So, someone ELSE should feel my boobs for me. If there is something to be concerned about, it would be apparent to an outside boob feeler – me, I’m very likely to dismiss it as my brain being stupid even if it had a little sign saying “get me checked!” (which I can’t actually do – thank you very much, Vancouver medical scene). I can bring in a neutral third party, have them feel me all over for things that might be scary, and THEY decide whether I should panic or if everything is just super.
Clearly this is nothing less than an awesome idea that will in no way backfire.
Who wants to be my boob feeler?
delicious juice dot com 
Considering the actual acreage — er, volume to be covered, you might need two or three volunteers. But this is a long-term commitment! You need someone(s) to become thoroughly familiar with your body by repeatedly feeling you up, so they can tell when there’s something different.
Hmm … I may be getting too interested in this topic …
Just go on a flight and have the TSA do the job for free.
Only two responses so far? Has the world ended early?
*raises hand*
It upset me that this ad was yanked years ago for being “offensive”: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G24SLr__Vno
I can be an alternate boob feeler if it’s okay with Ed.
Aww, it’s cute that you think I need my husband’s permission to let people feel me up :D
I would LOVE to be your non biased boob feeler. I have an affinatey for boobs, especialy HUGE ones. So it would be a down right shame to lose yours to somthing like cancer. Boobs as big and as nice as yours need to be keep healthy and well so that the rest of the world may enjoy the awesomeness that is your huge tits.
I promise to remain professonal and keep my extatic emotions of actually holding such huge and gorgous set of tits to myself. *random boners may occur, but they are nothing to worry about ;)*I will do a thuro job of feeling and examining every inch of each breast for irregularities. Such as bumps, humps and lumps of any kind, and I shall report all findings in detail.
So in short, I would be honored to be your offical boob feeler. If you do bestow the honor to me, I will need a weeks notice as to when you would want to meet. I will have to make arangments to fly out to Van from MN, and also have to find funding for said flights. But ill manage it….some how. ; )