You know what is no good at all?

Realizing you have no hot water ..

.. AFTER you’ve already applied the hair dye.

I woke up early this morning to tackle the issue of my unruly 2″ long multi-coloured roots.  I meant to do it last night, but that just wasn’t going to happen – the couch was calling my name, and getting wet just seemed like such a hassle. I don’t particularly want to give up my Thursday night before a long weekend for grooming, but I have Top Secret Plans for Friday that requires me to look halfway decent – so dyeing my hair this morning seemed like a really good idea.

I’ve been dyeing my hair for so long that I can prep the goo in my sleep, which is basically what I did. Open the box, spread out the goods, undo the lid on the conditioner tube and stick it in the shower, twist off various tops, snap on the latex, and away we go. It’s a routine dye job; nothing special or fancy – I gooped myself up good and proper, removed the gloves, and went to wash my hands.

Gee, that water is pretty cold. Didn’t I turn on the hot water? I did, but that is not even slightly warm.

Uh oh.

I went into the kitchen and checked – same thing; the water coming out of the hot pipe was ice cold. SHIT. There was nothing I could do about it, so I just sat down and waited for the water to warm up. Maybe by the time my hair is done cooking the hot water will come back!

Or, you know, maybe not! 25 minutes later, the water was even COLDER. I needed to get my day started, so I did the only thing I could do – stick my head under the ice fucking cold stream and rinse all the dye out. I applied the conditioner to keep my locks silken and glossy, quickly washed the rest of me, then ran my head under again; swearing the whole time. COLD! SO COLD! It was utterly inhuman, and I’m still shivering. Never again will I attempt to do anything that requires a full body rinse without checking the temperature first. There was no reason to suspect we had no hot water, but now I don’t trust anyone. You’ve ruined me, hot water. I hope you’re happy.

I know it could have been worse – at least we had water at all. I can’t imagine what I’d have done if I was completely unable to rinse at all; I’d probably be bald by now. Scary. Okay, water. You’re forgiven – it could have been so much worse. Don’t cross me again, though – I am not beyond attempting to shower in Diet Coke.

I am somewhat self conscious today: because my allergies have been so bad, I opted to not wear eye makeup. I never leave the house without a full compliment of bright green shadows and powders, and I feel utterly naked without them. I think my eyes are too small for my face, so I attempt to hide them under layers of liner – backwards I know, but I think it helps even if I probably look like a clown. It makes me feel more put together, and without it I feel as though I look terrible and asleep. I wish I had the confidence to go outside without a full face of makeup, but I just don’t.

It doesn’t help that I’ve had people ask me today if I got new glasses, because I look different – oh god, they can tell! I look horrible with my beady little naked eyes! I should just wear sunglasses for the rest of the day. What? It’s sunny out!

i look wrong.

2 thoughts on “AWAKE NOW

  1. a bit late now but if it ever happens again. a boiling kettle of water in a bucket with enough cold water to prevent burning is time consuming but better than cold showers.

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